One week to go!

This semester has been crazy work. I have one more week! This week got so busy that A (the fiancee) had to pick up take-out for dinner. He got used to me making special meals for him and he gets kind of pouty when he has to eat restaurant food. I feel bad, but it's just been so busy... 

He wants me to slow down and I kind of do to. I know it's not something I'm supposed to want, but I really do like being his home guy. I like keeping things nice here and him not having to worry about anything around the house. He works so hard to take care of us and make sure I never worry about money. 

He likes coming home to me making some weird new recipe and everything clean and music playing and my yoga mat by the window. He likes being able to come in and drop his clothes and give me a kiss before he sits down to answer emails. He likes me being not stressed and worried about things. I like that too, but we both committed to me finishing my degree. He takes his promise to my father that he would put me through school very seriously. 

I have three semesters left. Isn't that crazy? 

So Chapter 10 of Kasper's Den is coming along. I'm on page 21. I think I just need to make the sex scene really good and then I'll post it. 

The smoke over LA has been crazy. My sinuses are nuts and they cancelled classes but it doesn't really matter since everyone is just working on projects and studying for finals. It's not like we need to be on campus anyways.One more week of the semester!!!! :)  

Somebody Else...

We went to dinner over the hill tonight. That's what you say when you live in the valley and do anything in LA (even though the valley is part of the city of LA. When you cross the hollywood hills, it's a whole other world). 

A (the fiancee) had to meet some clients late so he took me with him and we all had dinner at this place in West Hollywood (the gayborhood).  We were driving home and the freeways were so bad that he took back roads up to Mulholland. 

If you've never driven it, it's amazing. Mulholland winds between the peaks of the Hollywood Hills so you either get a dazzling view of the basin or the valley. It just goes back and forth from amazing to brilliant. It's drizzly tonight so of course LA traffic comes to a complete crawl. 

A. gets lost in his thoughts when he's driving from a meeting and the traffic was frustrating so he kept one hand in my lap and the other on the wheel. He says it calms him when I'm with him. He doesn't care what music I play so I get to put on stuff from my phone. I decided to try the new 1975 song. I LOVE that group. Since Years and Years hasn't come out with anything new in FOREVER, The 1975 is my go to now. This new to airplay song is amazing but so so sad: 

I love this song, but it's so sad and it got me thinking. A. is super sensitive to my moods and it snapped him out of his thoughts. 

"This is sad song. It makes my love sad," he decided. It was the first thing he'd said since complaining about the traffic on Sunset. 

That got me talking. I told him, "I don't know what I'd do if I ever had to see you with somebody else." 

We were stuck in a back-up and he looked over at me in the red tail lights of the car in front of us. 

"Baby, there is no somebody else... never will be." He says the sweetest things even when I'm just inventing my own sadness. Then he leaned over and kissed me until we got honked at for not moving forward. He cursed at them in Persian and drove us home. It was one of those Noah moments I just had to write about. 

The actual video to this song is super trippy! He starts seeing himself in the girl and at one point he's having sex with a stripper in his car and then it turns out that it's him in a wig and then no he's just jerking off alone in his car. So sad.... 

"So I heard you found somebody else

And at first I thought it was a lie
I took all my things that make sounds
The rest I can do without

I don't want your body
But I hate to think about you with somebody else
Our love has gone cold
You're intertwining your soul with somebody else"

Ending October with the Dodgers

Is anyone else obsessed with the world series right now? No? Anyone? I grew up with a dad who is the ultimate baseball fan. He would take me to Dodgers or Angels games when he could. It was something fun we could do together. We'd share nachos and I'd pretend to be into it, but really just happy to be at his side with something that brought him so much excitement. 

He tried to get me to play. He'd drag me to batting cages and even got me into little league for a few games. I sucked at it. He'd get upset and I'd cry. Then he'd feel like a big jerk and take me to mini golf which I always had a weird fascination for. He tried for years, but eventually gave up. We still watched the games together and went when we could afford it. Our sports outings focused on mini golf, and he learned to like that. It's the one thing I can beat him at even though I hate to win. I always feel bad when I win something I have to compete for. I don't like the thought of someone I love losing. 

It's been fun having him over to our place to watch the games. I sit between him and A ("Navid" in the Noah series) and listen to them make bro-talk back and forth about the game. I make healthy versions of the stuff we get at the games. They both pretend to like my Pita Nachos. :) 

I'm actually into it too. These games have been crazy! It's been awesome to see them so close to something they've tried for longer than I've been alive. 

I'm just starting the next chapter of Kasper. I'm thinking up the trouble he can get into and how things are going to go down at the dinner cliffhanger I left in the last chapter. It's been awhile so I had to go back and re-read the old chapters so I don't miss anything or mess anything up. I love the Hamads. It's a total fantasy, but I've heard from lost of readers that it has some real elements of truth and these things do go on in the middle east, but under heavy cover. I don't know what it would look like in reality, but it's not reality. It's my fantasy and I'll invent a whole country if I want. 😘

Finally

I finally finished Chapter 22 of Noah's Starship. I can't believe it's been almost three months since I published a story. I submitted it so it should be up on nifty soon and then literotica later (they take forever to post). I got sick this week. I hate being sick and it happens so rarely. 

The fiancee ("Navid" in the stories) went to Rite Aid and bought me half the store. He freaks out when I'm sick. It's just sinus stuff and there's wildfires burning all over California. That mixes with the heat and smog to make for one unhappy me.  

Thanks everyone for being patient. It should post soon and then I can work on another chapter of Kasper. I have an idea for a new story, but I already have too many stories going on. heh. 

I'm seeing a TON of guys around LA with Jogger shorts and some look pretty hot. This guy below is wearing pulled up jogger pants, but they make them in shorts now. I'm going to get some. It's still warm here (95 today 😒). 

working

Finally working on the next Noah's Starship. I'm 13 out of my usual 20 pages (try to get just over 10k words per chapter). It's starting to come together. I just feel super busy with too much going on and the weeks roll by without it. 

I always hate when I find a good series and then the author just drops off the planet, but now I kinda see why. Especially if it's good, you feel like Ugh what if I write a crap chapter and it effs it up? Or you feel like you've used all your good ideas and the fountains dry up for awhile, but then they come back. 

Life is good, just too much good going on and I get anxious about it when things spin too fast. 

Alive and breaking

I've been getting emails asking why I disappeared. I didn't really disappear, but life got super busy. We are planning our wedding which at this point might just be us going with my dad to a courthouse somewhere or doing something small on the beach. 

Then there is AT's (the fiancee) business which has been super busy which is good, but I've been traveling with him here and there and helping him stay organized and checking his English on emails and letters. 

Plus we have been looking at neighborhoods and houses down south in cooler areas that AT says will be safer for when we have kids. 

Then the fall semester started so I'm in classes again! 

This one was actually kind of funny because normally AT takes me to my classes the week before since it's a pretty big campus with a lot of buildings. I have a bad sense of direction... We usually go and find where my classes will be so I don't have to rush around the first day. Only this time we ran out of time and I told him not to worry about it. So of course the first day I got lost and it was super crazy hot (it's been over 110 degrees for the last week!!!). 

I got overheated and actually felt kind of sick from it. I hadn't felt that before. It's like your stomach feels weird and things look blurry. I went to the upstairs of the bookstore building, got an iced bottle of water and sat on the cold tile floor leaning against the cold tile wall until I felt better. I couldn't tell AT about it because, much like Navid, he would worry and overreact. but I'm ok... 

Life got busy, but it will settle down soon. I have half a chapter of Noah's Starship. I will work on it again soon. But for now... 

keedz

I saw this hot guy at the grocery store today with a little 2 yr old in his cart. He looked like he just came from the gym and they were talking about what to make for dinner. He sounded straight, I don’t know. It just got me daydreaming how nice that would be to be out and pushing a cart with a kid and shopping, talking about what to make for dinner when Baba (Persian word for dad) gets home from work. They were so cute.

I know our plan is to wait until I finish school and I'm already stressed enough being a full time student and taking care of our home. I also know that AT (the fiancee) is very very ready to start a family with me. He gets very happy when I bring up having kids. I never understood it before we got together, but now I can see his excitement.

I can see us going around the park or at the grocery store with a baby strapped to my chest. I can see us finding couple friends who have similar aged kids.

I know me finishing school first is non negotiable. AT promised my dad that I would finish and he would pay for it. He is very much a guy who keeps his word, and it's always good to have a college degree in case something happens to him or us and I have to support the family.

But... But... But I want one.

I'm also going to have to learn how to drive and we'll need a car, and a bigger house.

Yesterday I went with AT for work. He had some meetings and some reports to prepare. We ended up way down in Orange County and he showed me a few houses and neighborhoods he likes. They were in very safe, quiet areas. He definitely wants to get us down there before we have kids.

The Playlist

Writing is going a little slower these days. We've had some pretty big events this summer and I want to get them right. 

I am all about Mura Masa these days. I changed out some of the songs in our sex playlist. I am so in love with this song and the video is bomb: 

The gay couple in the video kind of reminds me of me and the fiancee, just the size difference between us. He is taller but not crazy tall and bulkier, muscular. But when he stands over me like that and I just feel surrounded by him. And that poor Japanese girl. I want to hug her. 

Lovesick is another good one. I expect big things from this guy. 

The rules for our sex playlist is that we can only remove songs we added and it has to be at least somewhat half and half of us. It's kind of funny when I add a new song and he like stops and nods his head and listens to see if he likes it. 

Most of my music is like get down to it beats. His style is more sweet tender love and a lot of Persian stuff. Sometimes it's a slow Persian song that is soulful and he'll stop and look down at me and sing in his deep, flat tone. He's not the best, but for me it's just so perfect. 

The thing about sex playlist is that there is only one situation in which we can play it. So it's no good in the car or for cleaning or other things. You have to save those songs. Ok back to writing Noah.  

Rulers of the HOA

This cracks me up. So AT (the fiancee) is the king of our little development. Everyone comes to him with their issues and he gives advice or helps them solve it. He reviews all the bills and checks for our HOA and gets things fixed. 

There's mostly older people where we live and a few young singles who are never around. AT, being the natural charmer and buff guy that he is, is the only one who knows everyone and helps them work together. There's an older lady who lives right across from us and she's retired. He brings her a pack of cigarettes sometimes and she adores him so she watches our house all day. Nothing much happens, but she will text him and when we get packages she'll grab them until he gets home. 

The funny thing is that sometimes I run across people like when I'm going to gym or the mailbox and they'll want me to pass along something to him. They approach me with this respect that I'm not used to. It's like they really want AT to think highly of them. He doesn't do anything other than talk to people or smooth things over so it's not like he's some angry overlord. I just think it's funny. Like I'm some kind of powerful person. 

+++ 

I'm working on Ch. 22 of Noah. I'm 1/4 of the way through. I think after this chapter I'm going to take a break from writing. We have a wedding to plan for and then classes are going to start for me. Plus he is really trying to push me to be ok with moving to the OC. 

AT is saying it would be nice to start 2018 with a new and bigger place. Even worse is that now my dad is thinking he might move with us which negates my excuse for not wanting to go because my dad would be far away. They talked about it and AT says my dad could stay with us and save money until he could get his own place if he wants to. I would actually love to have my dad there. 

So I'm kind of out of excuses... I have to face the truth that I just really hate change. 

+++ 

Yesterday our internet went down. I texted him and he came home after work and tried to fix it. He looked so hot crawling around on the floor trying to rework things. He got home and had his suit on, but as he tried to fool with the internet stuff he kept removing his clothes once piece at a time. Finally he was just crawling on the floor in a pair of blue boxer briefs that had my full attention. He looks so hot when he's in fix-it mode. I am definitely going to get him a tool belt to wear around the house.  He always acts surprised when I get turned on by him. Like he doesn't realize how hot he is. He's a good man. 

Paper gold...

We went up the coast for two days for some special unplugged time together. I had never been up to Big Sur and the central coast. it was so beautiful! We're trying to spend as much time together as we can. School is starting again in a few weeks for me and he is starting some big projects. Plus we're now going through the stuff to get him on the track to citizenship. 

The interesting thing is that the legal guy who is doing stuff asked if I'd kept a diary of our relationship, just anything helpful for the immigration people. I immediately thought of Noah's Starship... um yeah I've chronicled what we've done... heh. Well it's not 100% accurate, maybe 75%, but it is two years of us. 

But I can't use it. 

How would I explain to AT that I've written all this fantasy fiction and it all started with him? I don't know what he would think. Well yes actually I do. He would love it but he would want it all taken down. It is a pretty serious invasion of our privacy. I try to cover my trail and not use our names and actual personal information, but still... How would you feel if someone turned your relationship into a book? Wrote personal details about you? 

/\ That is me when he's checking work emails or trying to play a video game /\

😊😊😊

Work it

I went to work today! Well not a real job, but my fiancee's boss asked me to help him with his office. His husband takes me out sometimes when they are working hard and we go to lunch or shop. He always insists on paying. If you read Noah's story then it's the Karim and Mike characters. I wanted to do it for free, but he insisted on paying me. 

I've helped him clean and organize his office before. His husband doesn't like doing it. I mostly file things and get rid of things. He is kind of a hoarder so his office tends to have piles of things he doesn't need. Mostly though, I think he just likes having me there to talk to. He's a really nice older Persian guy (I think close to 50) and has been a mentor and father figure to AT (fiancee). He's always pushing me to stand up to AT more and be more demanding. 

He sees that I don't like spending money and I don't ask for things a lot like his husband does. The odd thing is that he complains about his husband (they're totally in love and have been together forever so it's not serious), but then he kind of pushes me to be more like him. His husband doesn't work really and he likes expensive things (He just got a new BMW that is so beautiful). 

He jokes about AT not wanting me to drive (I don't want to drive. I know how to, but it never interested me). He always asks about what I'm going to make AT for dinner (his husband doesn't really cook much and they eat out all the time), and the way he asks makes it sound like he wish he had someone to do those thing. I feel kind of bad for him, but AT says that's how they function and it isn't for us to judge. 

Being home this summer without taking classes makes me appreciate how hard AT works for us. I get to go on business with him and yesterday we visited with his banker and he showed me the accounts he has for our wedding, our home, our future kids, and the money he gave for my dad to hold so we could get married (It's a tradition in his culture and the law in his country to put aside money for the "bride" in case the marriage doesn't work). He really works hard for our future. 

I ramble... Anyways, I earned a paycheck today and it felt good. I boxed up some books, supplies, and things he didn't need anymore (he gets little squishy toys and things from different companies he works with) to donate. His office looked so nice afterwards and he bought me lunch. I don't know what I'm going to buy yet. I told AT I can use it to chip in on my fall tuition, but he just shook his head and said it's mine to play with. 

Struggles

Kasper's Den Ch. 09 is posted on nifty! That means Literotica should have it posted by Wednesday or Thursday since they take awhile. You can check my author's page there to see if it posts. Please remember to comment on it and/or give it 5 stars please. 4 stars brings its rating down below the hot level and so far I have 54 out of 54 posted chapters there rated as hot. How crazy is that? 

I took a big risk with this new chapter of Kasper. I have no idea if people are going to LOVE it or HATE it but either way I'm hoping to get some feedback on it. 

+++ +++ +++ +++ +++ +++ +++ +++ +++ +++ +++ +++

Anyone who has known me for more than a month knows I commonly get in a war with common household products. The latest offender (picture is NOT me):

Yes, listerine. You have made my list. We got big bottles from Costco because that's the size they sell. TWICE now I have cut my finger trying to get the lid off. It has these jagged child safety things on the cap when I try to open it. Plus I'm just generally unsuccessful with childproof caps. 

Anytime I get into a war with a household object, AT (the fiancee) curses it and bans it. "F*%ing knife! Who dare you to hurt my boy!" or "Stuuupid Toaster to burn my love!" and now "Evil mouthwash! You go straight to the hell!" (English is not his first language) This time he offered to take the mouthwash out of the bottle and just put it in a smaller, empty water bottle, but that seems kinda weird. 

Being the highly intelligent son of an actual rocket scientist, he took some pliers though and broke off the two little tabs holding it into the childproofing edges. Pretty smart! 

+++ +++ +++ +++ +++ +++ +++ +++ +++ +++ +++ +++ 

We had a pretty busy week and lots I could blog about, but I want to save some thing for the next chapter of Noah. I've started on it and I think I am going to do at least some of it from Navid's perspective. 

It's funny though. I realized that whenever I write a Noah chapter and I make notes about what is different in the story vs my real relationship, I get people trying to call me out as a fake for weird stuff. Like when I didn't know where Dallas was (I seriously didn't know, sorry people of Dallas!). So I think from here on out I'm just going to leave it and not put author's notes or try to help figure out the fact and fiction. It is what it is and why someone would read ten or twenty chapters of a story and then decide to call me out on something, I'll never know... and maybe that's ok. 

Her

My dad moved to California two decades ago to follow my mom who was pregnant with me. She just kind of disappeared on him and then he found her with friends out here. That's what he's done since he was a freshman in high school, tried to find her and pin her down. She’s the love of his life, the one he can never get.

I don't have much to do with her. If you read Noah's Starship you know the story there. I spent my childhood with my dad over-compensating for her leaving and assuring me that it has nothing to do with me. He says he wanted me from the moment he found out she was pregnant and only followed her to get to me. He says a lot of things that good dads would say because he's a good dad and always has been. But I know he still looks for her and tries to talk to her.

He's always said I remind him of her. The way I look, the way I hide inside when I'm upset, the way I love an egg sandwich on sourdough bread with nothing on it.

He is in touch with some of her family, and he tries to find her through them. He says things like "Oh well "Emri" [my author name] got all A's on his report card (back when I was in school)" or "Emri's made the honor roll," etc... They pass it along to her or tell him how to get in touch with her and sometimes she responds. We have a very short, very awkward phone conversation and she just apologizes and I tell her it's fine, then he gets to talk to her.

It's been awhile though. But apparently she has resurfaced and he found her and of course me being engaged is something he “wants to share with her.” I don’t want her there and I don’t think she would ever come. She's never been weird about the gay thing. That's never been an issue.

Woah. I'm realizing this might be the root of my anxiety about AT (“Navid”) leaving. I know he isn't going to leave me, but... It's always somewhere in my head. He doesn't get upset with me when I bring it up. It's almost like he's surprised and assures me he's not going anywhere. My dad says he looks at me with the same look my dad has for my mom. Like I'm his the one. He’s very supportive of us.

I have to get over that… work through it… be a better me.

Where was I going with this? I don’t know. Here's a bunny in the snow.

The ring...

This happened yesterday morning but it never posted! It just sat here in a minimized window. haha sorry. I forgot to hit publish: 

I should totally save this for the next chapter of Noah's Starship, but I can't!! I'm so excited. Plus I had to write it down as soon as it finished so I wouldn't forget anything.

Ok so quick catch-up or is it ketchup? I talk to "Navid"'s dad a lot. He was majorly helping me with science and math stuff this year. He is in Iran so we use the video chat on the computer. But since the semester is over I haven't talked to him nearly as much. Last night when he talked to his son (my fiancee), he said he wanted to talk to me and so they set up a time this morning.

But now I have the ring I got for engagement and I asked if I should take it off. "Navid" said no. His parents know about us so why try to hide this.

So his dad! We talked when I got back from the gym and I was wearing the ring.He asked about it. I was freaking out. I kind of stuttered and was like “Um “Navid”… gave it to me.” Then he nodded with this serious look and paused then said “It is very nice, a very nice ring for you.”

Then he asked me, “So what do you think of this ring? Is something you want?” But it was like he wasn’t asking about the ring, but about the marriage.

I said “Oh it’s the best thing I ever got... I love it... It’s perfect.” So he just nodded silently while I floundered with words but he looked like he was thinking.

THEN he was all “Do you think you will want it forever? Maybe it is just something you will want for now, but later find one of your own to give to a wife?”  My heart was pounding like crazy.

I said. “Yes sir. It’s something I’ll never take off as long as he wants me to have it. It’s more than I ever dreamed I could have.”

He just nodded again like he was processing it. He said, “You are still so young. You could change your mind someday when you grow to be a man.”

I said. “I don’t think so, sir. I can’t imagine going a second of my life without it. It hurts to even think about that.”

And that was it. He just smiled a little and said, “Ok. I’m happy you love it so much. It is a beautiful ring.”

OMG couldn’t you just like piss yourself thinking about that?? I was so nervous! I mean it’s his dad and I don’t know. I just felt like he was actually giving his blessing for it like saying Ok I just want to know you are for sure about this. I mean “Navid” is his boy, his rough and tumble army boy sports jock alpha guy that he raised to be a provider, a father, a good man. And it almost had this layer of like he was saying “Please don’t hurt him.” It's as if he knows how much his son loves me and he was just more than being ok with us being together and getting married. It was him saying he wanted to make sure I knew what I was getting into.

How crazy is that?!?!? I have to call him, but he’s in a lunch meeting. I don’t know what he is going to think about this. I just needed to write it down. OMG!

oral fixation

Yesterday I was waiting around for AT (the boyfriend, "Navid" in the Noah series... Oh and now officially my fiancee).  He is new car shopping and we were at a place in Beverly Hills (the center of  the Persian world in the US).

AT had me try out the front passenger seat with the things he says I do in the car. He put the seat all the way back and had me test out a nap, then he had me lean over the center console and put my head on his shoulder. I had to sit up and type his text messages while he dictated and I cleaned up his English. It was funny and the sales guy was of course very accommodating. I didn't realize how much AT knows about me and my habits. He surprises me sometimes with information like that. He is really smart when it comes to me.

So I was waiting in the little coffee area while he was going over the details/negotiations. He came out to check on me and I had my earbuds in listening to music. He started laughing at me.

He said, "Why does your generation all do that?" I asked what he meant and he explained that for some reason we all put the microphone between our lips. He says he sees it all the time with younger guys, and even his little brother back in Iran does the same thing.

So it's this part, the part circled in the diagram. Apparently we all put it across our lips when the earbuds are in.

I can't find a picture online of people doing that, but I see it all the time! I didn't really think about it, but I used to always chew on the ends of the strings on my hoodies. I think I put that in one of my stories, maybe Kasper... 

I just thought it was funny that he said "Your generation" like we are in different age brackets. I mean he is 9 years older. It's not like he's my dad's age. He notices stuff like that though. 

crazy heat wave

It's always so sad when I work super hard on a chapter and get no response. It happens a lot with Noah since I'm 21 chapters into it. Then I let it sit for awhile with no update and I get a lot of feedback asking why I stopped working on it. Another writer told me once his series like that get established, he only updates them once every two-three months and gets better response. 

Oh well. Now I'm back to Kasper. I have a good idea for this chapter! I have no idea how people are going to take it, but I tried to incorporate some of the interesting ideas I get from readers. I got a lot of emails saying they wanted to see Kasper with Mr. Hamad. Well I can't exactly do that for several reasons:

A) Kasper is his son's boyfriend and Mr. Hamad wouldn't do thart to him. 
B) Emi and Ali are the original couple and they will be together forever with no one else. 

But I think I can do something as exciting. 

On a side note, it hit 110 degrees yesterday in my neighborhood. "Navid" came home at lunchtime and finished up his work here. Today we're going to stay inside and watch movies. It's supposed to be over 110 today. 

SOOOOO Hot! 

Happiness

Ok so July 4th was a roller coaster! 

First off, Los Angeles is the capital of illegal fireworks. SO many people just shoot them off in the streets. If you've never seen it, it's wild. Apparently it's not like that in other cities that are more civilized. XD. You can imagine what it sounds like from the streets. Constant popping for three or four nights: 

Yesterday we went to two different parties. The first one made me sad, the second made me happier than anything ever has. 

We went to a pool party with friends of "Navid." It was fun and not too hot, but there was this younger hispanic couple. They were maybe a year or two older than me (I say that because one of them said he had finished his business degree). 

Then this older couple, maybe 30's or early 40's were talking about them because they were pretty cute together. The guys were in the pool and the younger couple was kissing, playing around. One of the older guys said, "Aww, young love." And they talked about it. How nice it was. 

Nobody ever said that about me and "Navid." It was one of those random comments that just hit me wrong. I couldn't stop thinking about it. 

I know we are nearly 10 years apart, and he does look older than me... I just thought "Hmm, no one is ever going to say that about us." They said it about guys that are older than me... I don't know. It just got me thinking. No one's ever going to say that about us. I like being with a mature, masculine, muscled Persian guy. He is my dream. I guess... there's just always tradeoffs to not being with someone my own age... I don't know. Its hard to describe. 

It just got me thinking and I'm dangerous to myself when I think too much... 

So Party number two was a house up in the hills to watch the fireworks. 

He was holding me from behind while we watched and I felt his bulge. I was like "Oh, he's hard." He usually gets like that when we're in close contact, we both do. 

So then he kept rubbing it against me, and I was like "What the what??" I reached back to feel it and it felt weird. It wasn't his um... part. 

I asked him what it was and he said "Hmm, you should see." 

The rest you can guess. It was a ring in a box and he got down in front of me with the fireworks behind us and proposed. It is so perfect, A perfect silver band with a ring of little diamonds inside. It's masculine, not some flashy ring a lady would wear. It's 

I'm going to have to do a whole chapter about it. Happiness 

He wants to do it soon. 

More of what LA does: 

July 4th

We are heading to a pool party and then fireworks tonight. I can't wait! I'm waiting for "Navid" to finish up his emails and get ready. He's being lazy this morning. 

Things with Noah chptr. 21 are coming a long slowly. I'm struggling with the sex scene. 21 chapters in it is kind of difficult to keep making it exciting that the same two people are having sex. 

I love what we do together and we always try new things, but that is hard to put into words and I get a lot of feedback that it is boring and they should sleep with other people or at least show other people having sex. 

The reality is that "Navid" would never expose me or my body to other people nor would he let me sit and watch while other people get it on. He thinks sex is a private thing just between us. I totally agree and I love what we do. 

So I'm kind of putting in a fantasy sex scene to this next chapter. It's a stretch. It's hard to write a reality based series that doesn't get stale. right? I mean we've been together 2 years now and never wanted anyone else. I hope it's that way forever. I hope his is the only sex I ever know. 

I am SO OBSESSED with this song: 

Noah's Conflict

Working on chapter 21 of Noah. I am like 3/4 finished. I just need a good sex scene which gets kind of odd after 20 chapters of them enjoying each other. I am going to add some kinky stuff. Got to spice things up. I get some readers demanding that Noah and Navid sleep with other people to keep it interesting... but no they would never do that. How would I even write that chapter? I would get death threats.

We had a crazy week! "Navid" insisted on bringing me along on his business trips because I'm off from school and he likes having me with him. It's also because he was driving across LA a lot and he can use the carpool lane with me there. That may sound ridiculous, but if you've ever had to go 40-50 miles in a city like LA, you would totally get it.

We have been going to Orange County a lot for his work. He has a lot of clients down there. He really wants us to move. The weather is better and he gets more work down there. He knows there's no way I would move far from my dad like that. It's only an hour, but still... This is my home.

He even tried to bribe me with an Angels hat because I like their logo with the little "a." He says I would like it down there.

That's all the exciting news for now. I'll update when I finish Noah and then what should I write? I really do get requests to write another chapter of Cage Cock Cairo. I don't know.

Working on Noah 21

Noah is coming along. I'm about a quarter through... maybe a third. I try to do 20-25 pages per Noah chapter. Emerson and Lincoln series were shorter, max 18 pages usually. Kasper is always the longest. He needs 25-30 pages, but there's a lot of dialogue so that's kind of cheating. It stretches it out.

It's weird how each series has its own flow like that. If I tried to write a 25 page Emerson chapter it just wouldn't work. But come to think of it, Emerson signs since he's deaf so there's a lot less short dialogue, it's more packed in. Interesting! I never thought about that until right now. I always just wondered why Emerson wrapped up so much shorter.

I think Lincoln is shorter because I try to make him as straight dude as possible and that's out of my realm. I'm a quiet, shy, femme boy and I'm ok with that. My man is too... or I guess fiancee I can say now. What a journey. Two years ago I never would have thought it would go this long and we'd be heading to something legal and stuff. Wow.

Oh ok so this is funny! I've had three readers email me recently about the Zakar twins (gay twin models) saying my stories inspired them to look up guys and they recommended I check them out.

Apparently my stories inspired them. I love when someone writes and says they never though about those guys. I know we shouldn't fetishize a culture... But maybe I'm spreading some goodwill? ☺ I know in France and Europe there is a huge fetish community around Arab and Middle Eastern guys. Maybe it's spreading here now? They are pretty cute.

Monday sucks

Kasper-8 is posted on nifty. Yay. I already got a few comments. I live for comments. I know I shouldn't. Good writing is its own reward... right. But I don't have people in my life who know about the writing so I sometimes need my readers. 

Working on Noah Ch. 21. Can you believe it?? 21 chapters. That is crazy! There has been a lot going on with telling "Navid's" family. It's been confusing but so far ok as you'll read in the chapter when I finish. 

Well this happened this morning :(  The supreme court upheld the travel ban which includes Iran. That means our summer plan is off. I got my passport so we could go somewhere and meet up with his family in Europe. I'm a US-American, but "Navid" is an Iranian citizen so... 
Travel Ban

Fuck fuck! Seriously. "Navid" is out working so I don't know if he knows yet. I know he is worried, but he doesn't like to bring up stuff that will upset me. This is so fucked. Seriously. Don't even know how I feel. I tune out from most news. I shouldn't. It just never interested me, but now it's in my relationship. 

Kasper 8 is done

I finally finished Kasper ch. 8. It took forever because I'm also working on chpt. 21 of Noah and then life just got really busy. I like this new chapter of Kasper, but it might not be that well received because it lays a lot of groundwork for future storylines. That's sometimes unpopular. People always like the chapters where the big drama happens, but I also need the chapters to guide them there. 

Noah 21 is going to be a really crazy chapter. So much is going on with the family and "Navid." It turns out ok though. It always does, right? :) 

Anyways. I don't think anyone reads this blog so I am likely to stop updating it soon. But it is kind of helpful to explain what's going on behind the scenes. 

It's hot this week! 

Finally!

After a week of not even reviewing it, Literotica is finally going to post Ch. 20 of Noah's Starship! yay! Next up is Kasper Ch. 7. I have had it halfway finished for over a week now but got stuck on a transition. Now it is coming to me and I feel like I can finish it this week. 

If you did read Ch. 20 of Noah's Starship, you saw about how Navid is preparing to tell his family. In real life, he still hasn't. It's so hard for him and I told him I don't want him doing it just for me. I couldn't live with myself if his parents cut him off or disowned him. I just don't want that happening. But he insists that he is going to do it. He says he knows for sure he wants something permanent with me and having that marriage paper is something he keeps pushing for. 

The funny thing is that I talk to his dad almost everyday. We videochat on the computer. He helped me with homework this semester and even reviewed some of my research papers. He likes to hear about my day and he tells me about his garden or his research or tries to explain soccer to me. I know he really wants a solid relationship with his kids, but they are growing up and don't spend as much time talking to him like he wants. It's odd because "Navid" is so worried about his father's approval. He works so hard to build the business, get the house, the fancy car. His dad really just wants to know his son. Would it be the end of the world to let him know who he really is? 

I know we won't have a huge expensive wedding. I don't want that... Well I do, but I don't want him spending crazy money on it. I just want us to be together with my dad there and some friends. There's a spot on the beach he took me to a long time ago near Santa Barbara that was so beautiful and perfect. A friend of his boss owns the place. I think I made a chapter of it in Noah's Starship. I would love to do it there, at a private beach house. How cool would that be? 

The Manchester concert was SO GOOD!!

Noah posted

The 20th chapter of Noah's Starship is posted, but only on nifty. Literotica is very slow these days so I don't know when they will approve it. 

I've officially been a houseboy for two weeks now (not taking summer classes). It's going ok, I make more elaborate dinners for him when he gets home. Luckily we live in a pretty walkable area with a grocery store nearby and a gym in our complex so I have everything I need. 

He hasn't told me yet where we're supposed to go this summer, but his dad says he is excited to see us. 

Up next is a chapter of Kasper's Den. I think I'm on chapter 7. I'm about halfway through it. It's really good! I keep going back to edit it and then adding on. I'll definitely finish it sometime this week. Being home most of the day I have time to write. 

Kasper Six

I am finishing up chapter six of Kasper's Den. It should post in a few days. This story is just writing itself... maybe because school is out and I'm home during the day with free time to just think. It feels so raw, but I like it a lot. 

This chapter coming out soon was the first one that I actually cried when I read over it for editing. I never really cry like that, even when writing Noah which is my own story about me and my guy. There's just something about Kasper I really identify with.

I don't know why. I just know too many guys who went through things like Kasper did. I guess I did too with rejection. Maybe we all do. My dad is super supportive and of course my Persian guy is endlessly caring, but wow I found some emotions I didn't know I had with this one. 

One scene in it has Amir holding Kasper and it just totally encapsulated how I feel in my boyfriend's arms. Like nothing else matters and no one can ever hurt me. There's a really long sex scene too for those of you who requested it. 

Too hot to BBQ

Halfway through a heatwave in LA. We were supposed to have an afternoon BBQ with his friends, but with the heat we decided to push it to dinner. The Persian, I call him "Navid" on here, is downstairs watching some soccer match with his friends before they fire up the grill. That leaves me some time to write. He doesn't expect me to sit there while they watch sports. 

I'm working on ch. 6 of Kasper's Den and also ch. 20 of Noah's Starship. I go back and forth between the two, eventually one will win and be finished first. I feel like Noah ch. 20 should be something crazy awesome. I don't really have anything crazy awesome though. We do have exciting times coming up though. I got my passport so this summer he's supposed to take me somewhere exciting as a surprise. I know he's said he misses London. Anywhere would be exciting though and hopefully his parents would meet up with us. 

Next month will be two years since we met. TWO YEARS! How crazy is that? It feels like we've been together forever. "Navid" says it feels like just yesterday. I don't know if that's good or bad. He's become so much of who I am; our daily routine, our little home, our nightly falling asleep ritual. 

Ok back to writing. 
-e