Disappointment

 I haven't posted a blog in a year? That's crazy! 

We bought a house back in December and moved out of our fun beachside apartment. That's about it. 

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This week I finished up my projects for the semester. One of the projects was a group project over the whole semester and I had these two people I was working with, a guy and a girl. They went to high school together so they've known each other a long time and we were totally getting along. 

For our big project I did most of the writing and edited their stuff so we could get an A on it. 

So they wanted to take me to this boba tea coffee shop place where they like to hang out and it has a big selection of weird board games and people who visit and play them leave notes and tips on how to play the games. 

I was super excited because my classes are online so I didn't get to meet people in person. We were supposed to meet up on Wednesday afternoon and my husband had a morning meeting and then was going to come home and take me to hang out with them. 

 I got ready and about an hour before we were supposed to meet up I texted them, "See you guys at 1. I'm excited." 

Then they texted me back saying they have to cancel because an old friend is in town for the day and they were going to hang out with her. 

I texted my husband not to rush home because they canceled on me. So that made him rush home even sooner. He looked so sad when he walked in and saw me sitting on the couch. I had on my new shirt and new shoes I was saving for going somewhere fun. 

"No! Is so sad! You dressed cute to see your friends. They are not your friends. I will hurt them!" He was so pissed. So I got a big hug and he changed and took me to lunch. 

I was upset because they didn't even bother to make up an excuse. It's just like something better came up. And I also feel kind of used because I did so much work for our project and now that the class is over they just blew me off. 

I didn't reply to their text. I don't want to sound like a psycho and be rude because what good would that do? 

It's really hard making friends when you're doing online classes and spending most of the week at home. Our new neighborhood is mostly young couples and families and we haven't seen any gay couples on our walks. 

My husband is super outgoing and everyone loves him. Plus he is out working all the time and meeting people so new friends just swarm around him. It's effortless. My socialization is always through him. I don't have close friends on my own except my friends from where I grew up which is an hour away. 

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But anyways. We decided to go to a resort for the weekend in Arizona to celebrate finishing the semester. It's beautiful here. He is out at a meeting (of course he made it a work trip), but just for the morning and then we'll have the weekend to enjoy together. 

It's may!

 It's May!

Ok so the delivering packages job is going pretty well, and And AND they offered me a bigger job as an office assistant answering phones and helping people. The lady who was doing it quit and they like that I haven't snapped at anyone or physically injured anyone. 

I told the husband about it and of course he instantly said no. He said he doesn't even like me doing the job I have right now and he was pissed that the manager didn't run it by him before offering it to me. I kind of expected that. It's cool, he just needs some time to think about it and get used to it. He wants me to be at home full time, but he also knows how sad I get just being at home. So we will see what happens. 

This is the funny thing.... When I deliver packages, I usually use a wagon and the elevator, but I'm trying to get the small stuff by just using a bag and the stairs. It has REALLY helped my workouts! All the up and down has made my butt get extra bubbly. The husband has definitely noticed and it definitely helps in our love life. But it also makes him a little extra protective. 

This past weekend we went to the gym and he hasn't been in awhile because he's been working like crazy. He just looked so disappointed with not being able to do the weights he used to do and getting tired pretty quickly. He was ready to go after thirty minutes and he just hung out by the stair climber where I was working out. He just hung out until I finished, but he kept "noticing guys looking at me." It does feel good to have his attention like that, but I don't like him feeling insecure about me.

So things are going ok! I will write again. I really will! I just need some inspiration with how to finish the Dylan series and it'll come back! I hope! 😍

Proud of me! :)

 Small victories, but huge for me! 

1. I got my husband to go for a checkup physical. Once I get him in the door, he usually agrees to do all the tests they want like bloodwork, urine, all that stuff. 

He hates going to the doctor which is funny because if I even sneeze, he wants to take me to urgent care. He doesn't take care of himself. He admits that that's my job. He's going to be 34 this year, and it's been a really stressful year for him. It turned out pretty good. He has some things to work on, but he is healthy. 

2. I got a job! It's just a few hours a day, but I'll be helping out in office tasks at the complex where we live and delivering packages in a wagon. There's over 500 units in this building and 10 different elevators so delivery people get super lost and there's a huge problem with people getting the wrong deliveries. They'll still make the delivery people take the big/heavy stuff, but this place gets a crazy amount of little packages. I'll get buff too...maybe. I'm usually out walking around the complex anyways. 

I just pull a wagon around, drop a package, ring a doorbell, and walk off. No face to face contact. I'm excited! 

I promised A that the level of clean apartment and cooked meals and sexual happiness will not drop. He's friends with the head manager so he knows I'll be looked after. But it's something to put on my resume which is super cool. I feel like things are starting to move in a brighter direction. He said if his parents found out I was delivering packages, they'd freak out and send us money, but I'm proud of me. 

February!

 I don't know if anyone reads blogs anymore, just wanted to get some thoughts down. 

I haven't written much at all, and it really doesn't help that there's a fantastic new storyline brewing my head, because i'm not allowing myself to start a new series until I wrap up at least one of the open ones I have on wattpad. 

If you don't know about my wattpad series, click here to read them. 

I don't know why... we've been in covid mode for two years now, but these last three months have really hit me. I think it's partially that my husband (the alpha persian) canceled my spring courses because he was worried they would make me go back on campus before covid is somewhat calmed down. 

We argued about it, and then like two weeks later the Cal State Univ. system announced they were opening campuses again so he was correct. He refuses to let me go on a public campus everyday like that and two of the classes I need were only being offered online until things opened.  

So then I decided I need a job. He always offers for me to work for him, but doing his receipts and expense reports and things is not really something I want to do with my life. 

The plan was that we'd have children by now, but the surrogacy thing didn't work out the time we tried it... and it really sucked... and neither of us want to start that again right now. 

The cafe place we like to walk to for dinner sometimes has openings, but just when he said he would think about it, there were two tourists robbed and shot just down the street. He saw that on the news and immediately said the cafe would not be ok for me. He said I have enough work taking care of him and our home. 

I know this is all temporary. I know I will go back and finish my classes and degree (I just need like four classes more!). I know life will go back to normal, and he'll run out of excuses why I shouldn't be employed. I'm just feeling trapped and kind of worthless. My purpose in life cannot be cleaning up after my husband. 

Anyways, I need to stop complaining. It never helps. It's sunny and 70 degrees outside and we're going to walk to a food truck thing later with two of his friends.

I'm obsessed with this Ukraine thing. I grew up in a part of the san fernando valley where we have lots of ukrainians, persians, russians, etc... We had a Ukrainian family a few apartments down from us when I was little and the older mother was always so nice to me since I didn't have a mom. She would watch me sometimes when my dad needed help. She had two older kids and the four of them lived in a one bedroom apartment, but it was very neatly kept. I hope they're doing ok.  

Moving Home

 We are moving. I can't wait and I'm so excited. 

Last summer we bought a house in Texas to be close to my husband's family. They (the parents and A's youngest brother) moved here a few years back from Iran with his father's engineering job. It's been fun to have them just a few miles away. 

We had so many hopes here. We moved close to the gayborhood where we could walk to nice restaurants and stuff. With the Covid thing, my husband has mostly kept me home. He goes to do the grocery pickup or goes inside stores for things we need, but I've only been in a handful of places. It's been a really isolating year. We made no friends for me here. I don't know a single person who isn't related to my husband. 

I tried not to complain too much, but I really miss California. I've only lived in LA, and I didn't realize how attached I am to it. People in Texas are kind of rude. It's a totally different vibe from SoCal and we are not feeling it. 

Husband was having issues with his family too. He's been independent from them for a long time and doesn't welcome their advice or input. It's funny because my husband gets so mad when his mother comes into our house and moves things around or changes things. I never argue with her and I am happy she wants to do these things with me. I let her do whatever she wants and I say thank you. She hugs me and smiles. 

My husband gets so annoyed. He tells me, "You can put things back how you had them. You can tell her no. I told her to stop doing that." 

I'm like, "Do you want me to argue with your mother? I am not going to argue with your mother." 

I tell him how lucky I am that his parents from Iran accept me as their own. I tell him I don't care if his mom wants to move my plates or cups or flour or whatever. She can do whatever. They like me and accept me into their family. That's what is important. I am not going to start any problems with them. 

We are moving back next month. I'm ready to be back home. His company got us an apartment in West LA. I've never lived close to the beach. I can't wait. 

Disaster mode, but we are safe.

 We are finally back in our house after 3 days without power. My husband spent an hour this morning crawling around inspecting things and luckily no water pipes burst. So crazy! I am ready to go back to california. 

We woke up Monday to a freezing cold house and we made it to his parents house a few miles west of us. Luckily they had power, but it went off for most of the time the last few days. They had a big stack of firewood though and had moved it to the garage so it was dry. So crazy! 

We had our powerblock thingies all charged up because the news warned that the power might go out, so we were able to charge our phones, but then the cell towers went down one by one. It was so crazy! My husband would pull up the map app to see where it located us, and our dot kept getting farther and farther away from where we were which means the cell towers were dying. 

Tonight it is supposed to snow and freeze again, but hopefully we will keep our house warm so we can stay here. The heater has it up to 68 inside right now. It was below 30 when we checked on it yesterday. That's inside, not outside. 

Thankfully everyone is ok and we didn't get damage. The water pressure is very low across the city.  

I am over Texas. I am really really over Texas. 

My dad lived through the Northridge quake before I was born, and he was telling me about how LA was without power or water for a few days. I have never been through something like this. 

Back to cleaning! Hope everyone is ok. 

Persian Cling

 My husband is on a zoom business call in the other room so I actually have an hour to myself. 

I have so many storylines going in my head, but it's so rare that I get to just sit with my laptop in peace by myself. 

I know I am super fortunate to be married to a guy who always wants me within arm's reach, but it leaves no time for my creative outlet. Some days he will even bring his laptop and phone to the kitchen island and conduct full business meetings while I'm making food or cleaning up. 

Yesterday he came into the kitchen and sat there then reached over and turned my music way down because he got a call from an investor. 

I started waving my arms for him to take his call in a more private place. He has a home office. There's a whole bedroom with his office set up and he only goes in there to get something off the printer. 

I'm waving my arms at him and he smiles then winks at me. He thinks I just want love so he comes over and puts his arms around me from behind and rubs his nose into the back of my neck while conducting his business call. He just doesn't understand needing space. 

Last week he told me, "This year has been so good for us! We are closer than ever!" 

I should not complain. He is working extra hard to keep us going through this pandemic economy (and actually he says he is doing better since we moved to Texas). 

I think part of the problem is that we aren't able to hang out with friends here. Our pandemic pod is his family and no one else. Hopefully things go back to normal in a few months. 

How is everyone else's relationship doing this year? 

January 20th

 My husband is so cute. He is working from home this year, and when he gets busy, he will talk to himself as he's doing stuff (sometimes in English). 

This morning, he came in from getting some papers out of his car, and he took his jacket off and tossed it on the couch then started to walk away. He stopped, turned back and said, "No. No jacket on the couch, the baby doesn't like that." He picked up his jacket and took it and the papers to his little office. 

He does the funniest stuff when he thinks I'm not watching/listening. I don't think I've ever yelled at him for leaving his clothes around the house, but I do joke about it. He is getting better. Last week he ordered us food online to be delivered, and he ordered my sandwich and then said to himself, "no mayonnaise, the baby hates mayonnaise. He will not eat it." 

January is almost over! So much is going on. We are hoping we can get the vaccine soon. They are down to 60 year olds in our area. Hopefully they get to the 20s before Spring. 

My husband is working with an immigration lawyer so they can start the paperwork to bring over his brothers and their families. I know it is hard for his parents to be here without their whole family together. 

Once they get over here, then my husband says we are definitely moving back to California. If we have his whole family together here then we can just visit them every month without being too close. 

I'm sure this year has all of us missing our people. 

I signed up for a class this summer so I can finally finish my degree by the end of the year. I think it's been easy to put it off with this pandemic as an excuse. Honestly though I just don't know what I am going to do when I finally finish it. Maybe that's why it is easy to put the classes off. 

Hot guys picnic

 For Christmas, my husband and his parents bought me pretty much every kitchen tool I saw on tv this year and said, "oh we should try that!" 

I think they feel bad for me, but I really am interested in things other than cleaning and food. 

For the cleaning thing, I really am a bad gay stereotype. I like things in their place and I love when my husband's mother comes into our house and does this little head nod with a smile. 

I will say, the air fryer is the best invention ever! 

Last night they came for dinner, and I made them chicken in the air fryer. His mom brought a big salad she'd made and the two things were so good together. 

The juicer is somehow masculine enough for my husband to get into. He loved shoving giant vegetables into the machine. We made a celery, carrot, cucumber, apple juice then I added frozen berries to the glasses. It was so good. 

I'm enjoying spending all this time with his family, but we are both ready to get back to California when all this is over. 

We have had so many meals in our car or a park this year. It's become our habit when we need to get out of the house. We order online, pull up for curbside, then either eat in the car or go to a nearby park. 

Yesterday we ate in our car in the parking lot of the park because it was a little busy. There was an endless supply of hot guys out running! We live just a mile from the most popular trail that runs along the bayou. It was funny because every guy who would pass, we would say "yes" or "no" for who we liked. I'm sure all couples do this at some point. My husband gave a few yeses to some passing girls as well! I didn't vote on any girls. 

It's funny how much he has changed. He used to never ever comment on guys he thought were cute, and I wouldn't have even dared to do that.  Now it's like "Ok, whatever. We're together forever so it's cool."

It also surprised me that he isn't just into white boys like me. He has a pretty good spectrum of interests. 

Did anyone else stay up late with the election news? I fell asleep on my guy's chest about 10, but I know he was up late (He's still sleeping in). He will be happy for the news when he wakes up. It'll help us get the rest of his family here. He has two brothers and their families still back in Iran. I know how much that will mean to his family to be together again. 

Today's font is Georgia. 😀