February!

 I don't know if anyone reads blogs anymore, just wanted to get some thoughts down. 

I haven't written much at all, and it really doesn't help that there's a fantastic new storyline brewing my head, because i'm not allowing myself to start a new series until I wrap up at least one of the open ones I have on wattpad. 

If you don't know about my wattpad series, click here to read them. 

I don't know why... we've been in covid mode for two years now, but these last three months have really hit me. I think it's partially that my husband (the alpha persian) canceled my spring courses because he was worried they would make me go back on campus before covid is somewhat calmed down. 

We argued about it, and then like two weeks later the Cal State Univ. system announced they were opening campuses again so he was correct. He refuses to let me go on a public campus everyday like that and two of the classes I need were only being offered online until things opened.  

So then I decided I need a job. He always offers for me to work for him, but doing his receipts and expense reports and things is not really something I want to do with my life. 

The plan was that we'd have children by now, but the surrogacy thing didn't work out the time we tried it... and it really sucked... and neither of us want to start that again right now. 

The cafe place we like to walk to for dinner sometimes has openings, but just when he said he would think about it, there were two tourists robbed and shot just down the street. He saw that on the news and immediately said the cafe would not be ok for me. He said I have enough work taking care of him and our home. 

I know this is all temporary. I know I will go back and finish my classes and degree (I just need like four classes more!). I know life will go back to normal, and he'll run out of excuses why I shouldn't be employed. I'm just feeling trapped and kind of worthless. My purpose in life cannot be cleaning up after my husband. 

Anyways, I need to stop complaining. It never helps. It's sunny and 70 degrees outside and we're going to walk to a food truck thing later with two of his friends.

I'm obsessed with this Ukraine thing. I grew up in a part of the san fernando valley where we have lots of ukrainians, persians, russians, etc... We had a Ukrainian family a few apartments down from us when I was little and the older mother was always so nice to me since I didn't have a mom. She would watch me sometimes when my dad needed help. She had two older kids and the four of them lived in a one bedroom apartment, but it was very neatly kept. I hope they're doing ok.