Monday in Texas

I am so in love with my parent-in-laws. 

My mother-in-law did the sweetest thing. She had some pictures of us (me and husband) printed and hung them up in the bedroom we use when we are here in their home. She even framed the picture we took on our wedding day (the small, quick wedding because I was over trying to plan a big event). She put it on the dresser in our room. She said this is our place and wants us to feel at home. So sweet. 

His dad! Ok so my father-in-law is pushing my husband to teach me to drive and get me a car. I have no urge to drive. Maybe it's my generation, but we just aren't car people, at least not in LA. 

My husband does NOT like being told what to do with me. That is the one area of his life where he will push back on influence from his parents. When it comes to me, he likes to handle his boy. But he had been telling his dad that he was teaching me to drive. That was not true. 

So my FIL gave me the keys to his car and said "Why don't you drive it out of the driveway and then you can drive us up to the big road." They live on a small road that is like a long street that ends in a cul-de-sac where they are at the end

I looked at my husband with panic so he jumped in and said, "He is not used to your car. Is too big for him. He will be too nervous and damage things.  Is not for tiny boy." (FIL has a huge SUV)

That worked. Then we were driving to dinner and FIL asked what kind of car I will get. I don't know cars and car brands.  My husband only gets Lexus so I said Lexus. 

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Thanksgiving in Texas is going well. We went to the gym today and then went to a Persian market to get things his mom needed. His mom sent us to the one she goes to, but when we got close to it the neighborhood looked really sketchy! 

My husband said, "This is not a place for you!" That's what he says when a neighborhood does not look safe. It was an old shopping center on a busy street with run down apartments around it. It looked like the bad parts of the San Fernando Valley. Wide, crumbling boulevards stuffed with old apartments and payday lending businesses. 

The market was decent. It was mostly Arab people and I stuck by my husband and followed him. 

Usually he zones out in a grocery store. He pushes the cart and plays with his phone while I fill it with what we need. He only looks up when it is time to put his card in the little pay machine at checkout. But this time I was the cart pusher since I had no idea how to read what she wrote or how to read any of the packages. He guided us through it and did all the talking. 

We made it out ok. I didn't realize just how big of a Middle Eastern population this area has. I was definitely the one who stuck out. 

Texas and Colton

Well we are in Texas! We flew in and we'll be here for at least this week. I am excited. His family has big plans for their first Thanksgiving here. His mom is going to make a feast. 

Also. I started retooling Tabula Colton for Wattpad. Please check it out if you want to see what I do with it. Also please vote on each chapter so I can feel better about myself. hahahaha. 

Steven R McQueen is my Colton. Henry Golding is my Mr. Takada. :) 

In the original series I kind of got off track with side characters. I want to bring it back and rework the ending of it. Also I am going to add an ending! haha. The story never really had one on nifty. 

Anyways! Lots of relaxing family time should help my husband with stress. He is going to cut back on the work next week. Our flight was quick and uneventful. I slept, he typed, plane flew. 

Awkward Gym!

We went to the gym this morning. My husband got SO upset! 

I was running on a treadmill and this hot guy with a gym nametag came over and introduced himself. 

I got scared and I took my earbud out and slowed my run. Then he starts asking me what kind of workout I usually do. 

Me: Umm. Just this stuff and yoga usually. 

Him: Ahh yeah. Have you thought about weights? 

Me: No, just the freeweights at home usually. 

Him: I could totally show you some routines and help you bulk up some! Have you had sessions with a trainer before? 

So I realize he is a trainer trying to sell me sessions. I've never had that happen at our gym. Then he asks if my parents have a plan for it. I realize he thinks I'm a teenager. 

My husband comes over in a rush looking heated. He shooed the guy away politely but he looked really upset. The whole thing was so uncomfortable! I told my husband he was just trying to sell training packages. So husband talked to the manager about interrupting people's workouts to sell things. The manager said that's not their policy and apologized. Then we left. 

So I guess we won't be back to that gym. It wasn't the one we usually go to. It was really awkward. 

My husband said, "He tries to sell more than plan. He has eyes. I know those eyes!" 

So I gave him a nice massage when we got home. He gets so worked up over that stuff. 

He said, "I do not want my boy bothered like this. He need to be train better!" 

Happy Saturday! :) 

Updates

So this week we got some bad news from the doctor. My husband needs to take a step back from his constant work craziness. It is aging him and giving him health problems he shouldn't be facing at 31. 

He didn't tell me at first. We went for his checkup and he and the doctor were talking in Farsi because of course we must have a Persian doctor! :)  

He has to take it easier. He has to take less business and turn over more to the two assistants he's been pretty rough on. He says they do good work, but it's not his level. 

He said, "It's hard. There is SO much opportunity here. It is so easy to make money in this country if you put in the work! In Iran you are born into a class and there is not the ease to move up. People get jobs and opportunity at birth. This country has every possibility." 

I am trying my best to learn new massage techniques to help him relax. He loves that I am trying them out on him. Last night we watched our first holiday movie. We'll get a tree when we get back from Thanksgiving in Texas. 

He normally doesn't open up to me about stress. I had to get him naked, under the covers, with just a soft lamp glow before he'd tell me. He said it is so hard to say no to all the dollars flying around and deals keep popping up. He wants to give me this magical high priced life that we really don't need. 

I told him I could get a job since I'll finish my degree soon. 

Him: I will not have my boy working! What kind of man can't provide the life his family deserve?

Me: I don't care about having this big house. I want a long life together, not a Gucci one. I don't want you killing yourself trying to buy me junk I don't need. I'd be ok in an apartment if it meant you had peace. 

Him: You don't know the life you gave me. I was ready to head home to Iran. I'd be there now, married to an older woman with a good job and I'd try to have a Persian version of you on the side. I never thought I could have this and it is so hard to not give it my everything, to give you my everything. 

I know he is so happy to have his parents here and his other brothers should be coming in a few years when the immigration thing cools down. 

He agreed to set actual work hours for himself and rely on his assistants more. He said he has made good investments with the profits so we have funds for his retirement and our future kids. 

He is going to try and turn off work by 7 each night and dedicate more time to relaxing, watching movies, and playing his video games with his friends. And we plan to use our Disneyland passes more frequently. It's nice to just go for dinner and walk. We easily do 4-5 miles in an evening and talk about things. 

He is also going to try and actually work out when we go to the gym instead of just doing the minimum on the machines and socializing with people. 

It's funny. Every time we go to the gym he makes new friends. He will start doing reps but then some other muscle hunk will talk to him and by the time I finish he's lost time.  

He's said this stuff before. I hope he can do it. I need him; not the money or house or trips or financial stuff. 

I love making artistic covers for the Lukas chapters! So cool! :) 

Halloween!

We are exhausted! So many trick-or-treaters came to our house. We opened the front gate and put a lighted sign that said "Candy" with an arrow pointing at our house. 

We didn't think many people would come. We live up in the hills and it is big houses with lots of older people. But the people from the packed in neighborhoods below us come up to the hills for the good candy so we had a ton of people! Thankfully my husband insisted on buying lots of candy just in case. We figured we'd just load kids up if not many came. 

It was a HOT dad parade!! OMG. Down below us there are a lot of Arab and Persian and Asian families and some of those dads! Wow! And when did dads start wearing hot costumes? We had dads in tight body suits and dads in muscle shirts and capes. I would say at least 1 of every 5th trick-or-treater brought some dad candy. :) 

My husband made lots of new friends. I handed out lots of candy to the kids and kept saying, "Take an extra one for your daddy!" hahaha. Of course I said NONE of this to my husband. 

We both dressed up. I was an Angels player and he did Batman. He looks pretty hot too. :)  We gave out five big bags of candy. That's almost 1000 pieces! We still have a bowl left so husband will take it to work tomorrow. I had one small bag of M&Ms. He had... quite a few. 

Book Review and Related Conversations

This book! This book! I read it in 2 days flat and it is a heartbreaking, brutally honest look at growing up with an abusive parent. The Dangerous Art of Blending In 

17 year old Evan Panos lives in a small town in Illinois with his greek immigrant parents. His mother has mental issues and has beaten him since childhood to get the demons out and make him right with God. His father, a handsome Greek baker, seems frozen and unable to help. 

The story follows a series of disappointing bystanders as Evan tries again and again to get help only to be pushed back to his abuser. 

Things get weirder when his best friend Henry comes back from summer and has turned into a muscle hunk who confesses his love for Evan. Evan loves him too and yet that doesn't really fix things. 

Sounds like a book you don't want to read, right? Oh but it's good! 

The author, a design star on several cable shows I have never seen, reveals it is his own story. 

There is so much to say about this book! 

I related to having issues with a mother since mine left pretty early on. I talked to my dad about it. I don't remember much of being with her. I remember a lot of happy meals at the park. 

I remember her yelling at me for not finishing my food because she had finished her cigarette and wanted to go. I'd start to tear up and she'd feel bad and yell at herself then tell me I was ok and not to listen to her. 

She'd say, "Mean mommy, right?" Then I'd tell her, "No, mommy. You're not mean." 

Then she'd call a friend or my dad or someone on her phone so I could just sit there and play with the happy meal toy while I slowly worked through the chicken nuggets. She had this silver flip phone she'd never let me touch. 

"Did she ever hit me?" I asked my dad this. I don't recall it. She wasn't cut out to be a mom, but she also wasn't cut out to be abusive. 

"God no! Her parents hit her plenty. She worried she would too. As far as I know she never did. Why? Did you suddenly have a memory of that or something?" He looked concerned when he said this, but I could tell he was being honest. He didn't look away. Whatever my dad's faults, he is always ready to step up and make sure I am ok. 

Evan's mother, in the book, calls him a poo-sti, the greek word for the gay f word. 

I asked my husband what the Persian word for it is. He doesn't like to talk about those things. He wouldn't tell me. 

I asked him if his parents had ever hit him. He said "Yes, of course! Persian parents are tough." I made him promise he'd never do that to our kids. He said of course he wouldn't. He said they will have the happy, soft childhood I had, but with two parents. 

My husband has decided I need to read happier books! This one was pretty rough, but so beautiful and Evan is such an endearing character who just keeps going. I'd never have the guts to take one of my characters through such a rough story arc. It's just not part of my history. 

Thirsty Bears are after my husband!

First of all, Lukas is blowing up on Wattpad! I am so happy it is taking off. Please go read and vote for each chapter if you have the time and are bored. Please!! 

https://www.wattpad.com/story/193929654-lukas-the-lion

It is topping out in a few categories. Nothing super big, but still so exciting. 

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Today we went to the gym. We like this one in Orange where the cardio is facing the weights area all on one level. Most of the gyms have the cardio on one floor and the weights on another. 

This setup means he can do his weights and pop his head up to see me. It also means he isn't texting me every five minutes while I'm trying to run. 

Anyways!! So it was half empty when we went today and I was watching him do his routine while I was running. 

I notice these two bear gays come in. They start hovering around the weights then they spot my husband doing the pull-up bar. He looks AMAZING on the pull-up bar and his tank top slides up and his tummy is just the best. It's not a six pack right now, but it is very cute, especially with the waistband of his underwear showing as his shorts slide down.... yum. 

These guys start doing their weights, but they are staring him down like thirsty thirsty guys! Then he moved over to chest press and they follow and get a nearby machine. They were talking to each other, but watching him, probably discussing the dirty things they would want to do with my husband. 

It was funny to watch because my guy had no idea they were scoping him hard! I was watching with enjoyment until one of them took out his phone and discretely took some shots of him (I assumed that's what they were doing). 

I texted my husband to let him know. He looked up at me with a raised eyebrow and I pointed his attention towards them. He just laughed and then he went over and made friends with them. He helped them do some weights and they were drooling over him big time. 

We laughed about it on the way home. He never sees when guys just drool over him. 

I pointed out that if two guys were doing that to me he would have flown into a rage and stomped over to me to tear into them. 

"Of course I will protect you! But you have no need to be jealous for me." He was flattered that I got jealous. 

In his thinking there is no danger of him being flirted with, but it is not ok for me. In his thinking I am a helpless, defenseless little innocent who will be taken by a stronger man. He says he is capable of defending himself if someone tries to force themselves on him, but I am not. I must be protected and not bothered by evil men with dirty things in their heads. 

Newport Drama.

Another fun weekend. We carved pumpkins for Halloween. They turned out pretty cool! My husband loves any kind of Americana tradition stuff. I looked up some youtube videos with tips and got some advice so I wouldn't totally mess it up. So now we have the Halloween lights hung up outside and the pumpkins on the front porch that no one can see because of the front wall... such is LA. It's nice to have a real house to decorate. Even my dad helped us hang stuff. 

Yesterday we went to Disneyland. It was so crowded and the only thing we could get a fast pass for was Star Tours which is a cheesy older 3-D ride. It was fun though. We mostly just walked around a lot and did the easy entry rides like Little Mermaid and Goofy's Adventure. We watched the mariachi show too. I got a vampire mickey mouse doll. He's so cute. He's hanging out on our dining room table in the bowl of fall decorations. 

Today we went to a park near the beach for a BBQ with the LGBT family group. 

We had fun, but usually my husband gets kind of sad that we aren't there with a child. 

Today though there was one male couple arguing with each other and it was uncomfortable. Then there was a lesbian couple talking about the private preschool and how much it costs plus they are constantly being hassled for donations and their son doesn't even like it there. haha. Then another couple was talking about their kid hitting other kids and they want him to stop but don't like punishing him. Lots of issues! 

We got back into the car and my husband drove us out of the park and then we stopped at a red light and he took my hand. 

He said, "You know... It's not too bad just the two of us. Right?" 

I said, "Yeah... I guess. We have a good life." 

He said, "I do want child, many of them. But until then I am good with just my one boy." Then he kissed my cheek and squeezed my hand. It was nice. 

Fun Weekend. :)

New Lukas up on wattpad... 

What a weekend. Last night we went on this restaurant tour of downtown Santa Ana. It was a set of restaurants and you walked around getting food and drink, like small size samples, from each one. I had never been to downtown Santa Ana. It's old and pretty with big plazas. 

I didn't eat much, but my husband loved it. You got one item from each place so he ate for both of us and drank all the beer samples. I had a small taco and a really good strawberry almond salad and some peach gelato. They had random dance areas in the plazas and blasting music. It was cool! 

We went with a couple that are clients of my husband. IT WAS WEIRD! So the one guy was about my husband's age and the main guy (the one with the money) was about the age of my husband's father. They had to be 30 years apart! They were nice though, but the younger guy was kind of disrespectful to the older guy. Some of his comments were rude. 

When we got back home and out of the uber, I told him, "Adam [the younger guy] was so mean to his man. He was disrespectful. I would never even think to talk to you like that." 

He joked, "Of course not. You are my boy and I raise you right. I rule with iron fist to keep my boy in line!" 

So apparently the older guy had been married to a lady and they have kids and all, but after 20 years he came out and they split. He went younger... 

I asked my husband if he would go younger than me if we split up. 

Him: If I go any younger I will be in jail! 

Me: Well maybe in 20 years? 

Him: 20 years is all we have left? I don't like you have time on us!

Me: Well, no. Like maybe if I died or something. If a meteor hit me or something. You'd find a younger guy? 

Him: No. I will steal a rocket and blast to space to avenge your death! No time to date while I am hunt the meteors!

Me: Nevermind.... 

He's not good for serious conversation after too many beers. That's why we took Uber. Fun night! 

Lukas & Science Lights

I am on chapter 23 of the Lukas series on Wattpad and I am planning two more chapters to wrap up Hayden. I want to do a chapter from Tank's perspective where he can sort things out with his parents. Or at least come to some sort of being ok with it. 

How is your week, Emri? 

Well it's going pretty great. I have been doing a ton of school work and I am caught up and actually mostly finished for the week! 

Husband is good too. He is working on going to sleep at the same time as me. He never falls asleep as quickly as I do, but at least getting to bed with me. The past few weeks before we went to Texas he would put me to bed and then go work for another hour or so. 

I think he realizes that his work is never going to stop so last night he put everything on silence and moved our charging station away from the bed so he won't be as tempted to check it. 

One side effect is that I forgot how much he snores. When he was going back to work after I fell asleep then it gave me time to get into deep sleep before he came back and I almost never woke up. The snoring isn't bad. It's somewhat comforting and makes his chest rumble. 

We got some Halloween lights and this weekend we will put them up on the house. 

We want string lights that we can put up and have them glow purple in October, brown/orange in November, and then red/white for December. 

Apparently that does not exist! Seriously? In 2019 you can't get lights that change colors for the seasons? 

This is our first real house to decorate for the holidays. Science needs to catch up. 

Gay Days Disney 2019

Yesterday my husband and I went to Gay Days at Disneyland. I begged, BEGGED him to go because he doesn't like that kind of stuff. He's not anti gay or anything, he just doesn't really identify with it. 

He didn't grow up feeling like he didn't fit in with other guys. He didn't grow up smaller and weaker and bad at sports and all of the other cliches of being a gay boy in a straight world. He didn't grow up like me. 

So to him it doesn't feel like community to be in that kind of space like it does for me. 

I remember my first pride when I was 16 and didn't know that a hot Persian alpha-jock-bro was in my future. My dad took me. He has a friend who is gay and they decided I was old enough for it. We didn't do anything wild. We went to the parade and just walked around. That's the kind of awesome dad I have. He was on one side of me and his friend on the other and I got to just be there and observe and it was amazing. 

LA Pride 2013! 

These nuns always scare the crap out of me! They are at every pride event!

He wanted me to see that there were lots of people like me. I knew that, of course. My high school had an alliance club and lots of kids were out and it wasn't a big deal, but lots of kids that year were killing themselves. Every time dad saw or read or heard something about it he got really freaked and made me promise that I'd tell him if I ever felt that way. 

It didn't help that I was already seeing a counselor for my eating issues. He somehow linked it to that and thought I was trying to just waste away to nothing. 

"You can't fade out on me. You're my kid." I remember him saying that a few times after he'd caught me getting rid of food. Ugh ok this post spiraled into sadness. haha. No no no!! 

Gay Days Disney was different. There is no parade and they don't allow shirtless or odd costumes. It was very chill and filled with a lot of regular gays from other places. There were a lot of older ones too. 

We spent the first hour or so walking around and then one of my husband's clients invited us to their hotel room. They were staying at the resort inside the California adventure side of Disneyland. It was fun. We hung out in their room. They are nice older guys. Yesterday was intense sunshine so taking a break in their cold room was a good break. 

My husband slathered me with sunblock and we mostly just people watched. We rode our normal rides, Pirates of the Caribbean, Indiana Jones, Little Mermaid. The first and third are the ones I always demand. 

Husband likes Indiana Jones, but it constantly breaks down. Out of the ten or so times we have ridden it, it has broken down 5 or 6 of those. You go through an adventure in an old Jeep, but sometimes it just stops and sometimes the lights go off. A disney worker will come out and assure us that it is ok and then the ride will start again. 

Everyone wears red. We wore regular clothes. They do this huge group picture in front of the castle, but we weren't in it. 

That's ok though. I know my husband pushed through his comfort zone to take me to it. Even though he didn't want to be there and didn't feel safe having me there (he always worries about attacks and things like that can be a big target), he still did his best to let me have fun. It was a good day. 

The only sad part was watching his face when we saw two guys pushing strollers or holding their kids. I know he wants that for us and he is so ready to be a dad. He didn't talk about it, but his eyes lingered whenever we crossed their paths. 

Good week!!

I think we are going home tomorrow! This has been a long trip to Texas, but a good one. My husband's parents have been easing up on him with the critical stuff. They've always been super sweet to me, but kind of hard on him. Most of it is in Farsi, but I can tell when his energy dives after they've said something. 

His mom surprised us with clothes. We have the bedroom we always stay in, and this time we found clothes for us in the drawers and closet. Here's the weird thing, she got the same styles and brands that we normally bring! I know she has done our laundry a few times, but I didn't realize she studied it!! Even the underwear and socks brands! Nice but a little weird. 

I guess it is more nice than weird though, right? I do all the clothes shopping for the two of us since my husband doesn't really care what he puts on. He has good style, but he just has zero interest since he knows I will pick things that make him look good and be comfortable. It's like he just gave that up to me when we moved in together. It's nice that she wants us to be comfortable here. 

we have had a good week here though. I am doing my online classes while he is directing his assistants for work back home and also bringing in new work here. He has had several meetings and says there is a lot of good work here and things in Texas are very profitable. So that is good. He likes that I am not home bored without him all day because his mom is here and his brother is around and both of them have taken me places. I like having a big family around. 

The only thing I don't like here is my hair. It is humid here and it just changes everything!! I never put product in my hair, but it seems like it would be a good idea here. Husband does not like product. He likes to mess with my hair without messing up his fingers. :) Oh well!! It's a good week! 

Hayden & Houston

We are in Houston! It is raining off and on here but no flooding in this area. We came in last night and went for a bbq dinner with my husband's family. It's crazy! They bring these paper-lined metal trays with meat and we just help ourselves. It was good and the sauce was this tangy pepper stuff. I had turkey and some grilled vegetables. 

My time is off. Last night when we got to his parents' place I was sitting on the couch between husband and father-in-law with everyone talking in Farsi. I yawned and FIL put his arm around me and hugged me then I fell asleep against him. Turkey+warm couch+happy family+language-I-don't-speak = me passed out. 

When I woke up, my husband was carrying me to our room and then I was wide awake until 1am! (11pm California time). 

Luckily we got to sleep in. My guy was up late playing video games with his brother. 

Today we are supposed to go see a museum! It is supposed to keep raining, but just lightly. His parents neighborhood is fine, no flooding. But just down the road... 

On the Hayden front, I am close to finishing the next chapter. It will be the first chapter I have finished in over a month. Life has just been so busy lately. 

The Lukas redo on Wattpad seems to be taking off! That's really cool, but now I am getting into the dirtier chapters so it needs a lot more editing and cleaning up before I can put it up there without having to label it as mature. I want to avoid that and make it more mainstream. 

I am getting inspiration for a Houston-set story. This city has such a different vibe from SoCal. I like it. This area has tiny roads with huge homes on big, heavily wooded lots. It's a much shadier city than LA. Not so much blinding sunshine. The humidity though... 

in-laws and blended family.

We are going to Texas next week to visit husband's family! Fun! It might rain! I can't wait to see some rain. 

My father-in-law called me today on facetime on his lunch break. He loves facetime, so does my husband. Weird! :) We talked about the visit and then he mentioned Thanksgiving and Christmas and us going there with them. 

I told him, "Well I want to, but I hate leaving my dad alone on holidays like that." My dad's family is all here, but he likes me to be a part of it and of course I want to spend holidays with him too. 

The father-in-law looks thoughtful for a minute and then says, "Of course he is welcome here. He is family. My child is his and his child is mine. We are family." 

He didn't sound so much like he meant it thought. I know my husband's parents both really like me and his father loves me like his own child, but they aren't too excited about my dad. I'm not sure that would be the best holiday for him. 

I told him that my dad likes them and said they are very welcoming (that is kind of true, but I think my dad was just being polite). That made husband's dad smile. He said he should make more of an effort to get to know my father. 

When I've talked to my husband about it, he said it's not that they don't like him, but they don't like the circumstance of my mom leaving. To them, that is a crazy concept. My parents should have married and stayed together. It's not that my dad didn't want that, but my mom didn't. She got pregnant young (with me) and they were kind of put together when she was not ready to be a wife and mother. 

So I don't know. My husband said he would like to spend thanksgiving and christmas with his family, but that he will go where I go. He said if we want to spend thanksgiving here with my family then that would be an acceptable compromise, but in the past we spent all holidays with my family and his family was back in Iran. Now they are here so he thinks it would be ok for us to spend both with them. 

I can see his point. My dad would kind of be a stranger in their house in Texas. He doesn't know people there or have friends there. So that might be weird for him. 

I haven't even talked about this with my dad. He may not even want to go. Just some thoughts... 

Lukas and the week

Lukas is taking off on wattpad! It started last week after a long lull in posting new chapters. It just kind of got discovered and I started getting new readers and messages about it! Crazy! Then I added the two latest chapters and they took off quickly. That's exciting!! 

The crazy thing is that now females outnumber males 2 to 1 as Lukas readers. For some reason, it is taking off in Germany, Indonesia, and Egypt! New countries are Ghana, Guyana, Finland, and Saudi Arabia is still holding strong as well.

How crazy is that? My stories are getting read all over the world. That is incredibly humbling! So far all the comments are positive. I know that in the coming chapters I will get some flameback from people. That's the downside to getting a bigger audience, right? 

Personal life is good. Husband is coming home soon and taking me out for dinner with some of the gay gamer crowd I have been hanging out with. It'll be fun! I had a good week, so busy but good. Husband is making a much better effort to take me out and do things. Only one day was I totally housebound. 

I need to work on Hayden! I finally know where I want the story to go next, but life is so busy... 

Broken Phone :(

My husband is on this new kick where he takes my phone away at 9pm then we go get ready for bed and spend at least 20 minutes just talking about whatever I want. It's some parenting tip he read about teens with eating issues. haha. I know! Don't judge! He is trying. 

He got some couple's topics and questions/prompts too. Last night's was "I know you love me when." 

Mine was how I know he loves me because he never can walk pass me without some kind of touch. 

Like some times he comes home and he's on the phone with a client, but he finds me right away and then puts his hand on my head and pushes his fingers through my hair. Or when he is working at the table and I walk by him he will reach out and grab my shirt or arm or whatever is close. Or he just walks by and kisses my neck or cheek or any part that is convenient. 

He said he never thought about that. He sounded surprised. "I do this?" "Yes, sir. You do!" "I do not know this! I just get this urge when I see you." 

From him, he said he knows I love him when I am so careful with taking care of him. He knows he will never not have a meal and never not have a suit ready for the day. He never has to think about packing for a trip or making sure he has enough clothes for whatever the trip will bring. He said he is blessed because he has a partner who will always plan for his needs and take care of the home so he can focus on providing for us. 

Anyways!! The whole time we were talking he was holding my phone and spinning it. You know how dude guys do that? Like they toss something or spin it around. He can NOT sit still. 

Well somehow he spun it too hard and it went up and he couldn't catch it. It went up in the air and then sailed down and bonked against the bedside table and then crashed to the hardwood floor. Screen was smashed and showing nothing. 

He felt so bad! 

We'd just had this loving moment sharing and then he smashes my phone. haha. I actually laughed. I love my phone. Now I will love a new phone I guess. I learned not to get attached to the gadgets he buys me because he replaces them whenever something better comes out. He has to have the latest tech. 

I asked him if I could get the new Samsung, but he is dead set on apple. he knows how to work it and has all the apps that link us together so he can find me and see what I'm up to. I guess that doesn't carry across platforms so well... But it's ok. So new phone it is... 

Best Day Ever

We had a great weekend! 

My husband invited the gay student group guys over today for game day and he also invited his friends over. It was awesome. I made food and he grilled burgers for everyone then his friends watched a game in the living room and my friends played games in the dining room. 

It was weird having the two groups together. His friends are bulky handsome middle eastern guys and mine are more guys like me. They got along ok though, but no love connections were made. I think my friends were fascinated by his and his were on good behavior. I'm sure he told the how important it is that I make a group down here. He is awesome like that. I love him. :) 

My friends stayed until 5ish and then went home. Husband took me and his friends to a sports grill place for dinner. Two of them are staying the night down here since tomorrow is a holiday. They are playing video games with my husband in the living room now and I am chilling in the bedroom. It was a really great day! I am so glad we have a house where his friends can come down and stay. They are liking it down here. It's so much nicer and quieter than LA. 

My friends loved our house. Most of them live at home and are from down here. It's kinda cool. I am starting to be ok with Orange County. 

Netflix Eating Issues

I am back at home, but a little less bored these days since my classes started. I have written a little on the next chapter of Hayden's Shelter. It's coming along. I am trying to figure how to pivot this to bring it to an ending soon. 

We have a home gym setup and my husband put a TV in there!! What? Now there is no stopping my running every day. He hooked up the fire stick so I have netflix in there now!! 

The good news is I ran 5 miles (doing a slow run/walk/run/walk). The bad news is that I forgot to eat lunch and my husband got upset about that when he came home. 

Usually I take a picture of my lunch and send it to him. He gets busy all day, but he likes to see it and I thought he had kind of forgotten about this. Yesterday I forgot to send the pic, but he saw the empty bag of carrots I had with my sandwich. Today though he asked about it when he got home and I seriously had forgotten. He thought I was trying to be sneaky, so he made me a half peanut butter/banana sandwich before I started on making dinner. Then I wasn't hungry for dinner! But oh well. 

This means tomorrow he will call and I'll eat lunch in front of him on facetime. We have had way too many food arguments. No yelling, just little lectures and kisses and promises to do better. At this point, he doesn't even argue about it. He just says, "Enough" and carries me off to the kitchen. 

I'm sure a therapist would say this is my way of getting attention. I don't know. Maybe it's part of our co-dependency or another part of why we are trapped in the daddy/boy cycle. It is probably worse with me being left home alone all day without exposure to people. 

But we are who we are and luckily I have a man who looks out for me and doesn't mind it.

He never complains. He never tells me, "You promised to do better!" He never shames me or makes me feel bad for it. He just puts us back on the plan of me writing down my food, weighing me a few times each week so I don't go too low, and eating meals in front of him when he is away to make sure I am getting enough. 

Yeah we're probably messed up, but that's us.

Anyways! The real point of this post was my current netflix binge show and the reason I stayed on the treadmill so long. No Good Nick is a VERY good show! I am hooked. Season 2 gets very dark, but it's still good. The son is randomly gay midway through it. Like no discussion or acknowledgement. He just suddenly finds a cute boy and holds his hand. Weird!! haha. But it's good! 

Party Time, Yup

Birthday party was a huge success. His friends came down and he got to show off the new house. He is always the leader of his group and they look up to him. He was proud to be the first one of them to take the big step into adulthood with the big suburban home. They loved it! I had it sparkling clean for them and we ordered catering from the place he likes over in Little Arabia.

They watched some Persian movie with subtitles for me that didn't always make sense. Then they had a video game tournament late into the night. I fell asleep about 11 and I'm sure they went well after that because most of them were still out at 10am when he started waking them up for breakfast. 

He was so happy and so proud of me for taking care of his friends and making everything perfect. He told his parents all about it when they called today. 

For a reward, he took me shopping, gym, and lunch. Then he did a rare thing during our together time. Usually he is all about side B, but today he gave a good amount of attention to side A, which rarely happens other than my chest. Too much information. I know. 

It's been a good weekend so far though. Tomorrow we are going to meet up with the gay gamers group so I can hang out with them. I got a new boardgame to take!! I am excited! It's not a board game, more of a table game. Tokyo Highway. Has anyone played it? Ash and I tested it out this afternoon, but he gets so competitive. 

I don't know if they group will want to play, they kind of have their own games. But I'll take it with me. Husband said, "I will play with you if no one else will." 

I'm like "Oh thanks. Then I'll be the loser kid who only has his daddy to play with." haha. 

Wednesday... is it wednesday already??

Yesterday was my husband's birthday. I made him a strawberry cake because it's the one cake I have made that really made him nod his head and smile. I'm not super chefy. It was a box mix and I added strawberries and got the strawberry cream cheese icing that is crazy unhealthy but really good! 

Not much is going on with me. I am taking a break from writing and starting my fall classes. I am only taking a few. I could just push myself and finish my degree, but my husband wanted me to slow down and not be so stressed out so I can keep our house clean (I always accidentally type "his house") and keep up with my workouts. He wants us to travel a bit more this fall too so doing too many classes would not be good. 

Tomorrow I'm going back to meet up with the gay students game group again. They are pretty cool. Sunday we hung out with them and played games. I know it was boring for my husband, a group of six nerdy white gays. :) But he tried. He always tries when it comes to me. He says it is important he keeps me happy and building some community here. 

So Hayden will come back, soon. I already started on the next chapter. I am kind of thinking out where to go with it. 

School is starting again for Hayden and Tank. That will let them see each other more and without parental oversight. Could be a good thing, but Hayden might meet some other guys too. I'll see where the characters go. 

Also, how to end it! I need to end it and maybe 25 chapters would be a good solid number. 

A lot of stories on Wattpad have like 99 chapters or more, but the chapters are like 2-3 pages where Hayden is usually a solid 9-10 pages. 

Hayden vs. Lukas & Birthday & gays

My Hayden's Shelter series seems to attract a very different audience than my Lukas series. Hayden readers are a lot more balanced with only 40% male readers and the rest either female or undeclared. 

Also the maps look different. Hayden readers are mostly US and UK plus the Netherlands and Belgium. Why is that? Is there some Hayden fanclub that crosses the English channel to meet up? It's such a small part of the world! But overall, Haydens Shelter has a lot more readers. 

Lukas has readers from other parts of Europe, Africa, Asia and even Saudi Arabia! Plus Australia! How cool is that! I always love when I get an email from a Saudi or Persian reader. I worry I am going to offend them by not getting their culture right. I am married to a Persian, but he very much enjoys US-American culture and he has never tried to get me into Islam. It's like it is his religion and not for me. Strange! I know he will teach it to our children. I will make sure of it. I want them to have cultural roots there and not just be USA culture. 

+++

Next week is my husband's birthday. He will be 31. For 5 weeks every year we are only 8 years apart. The rest of the year we are 9 years apart. :) 

We did a little dinner in Texas with his parents, but it wasn't really a party. 

I am inviting his friends over. They can come down from LA and I even told them I will make up the guests rooms so they can sleep down here and have a fun night. I ordered a cake for him to be delivered and I'll order food from the Persian place he likes. 

He says he just wants a quiet night at home with me, but we do that most Friday nights. He deserves a night with everyone to celebrate with him. He's a good man and I want him to have a happy birthday. 

+++

I went to the gay meetup group today. My husband was anxious about it until he saw it was a small group of nerdy guys. That made him feel better. 

They meet on a college campus and even though I'm not a student there they said it was ok. They are somewhat affiliated with the group that was on the campus where I used to go before we left LA. That group was much bigger and had lots of hot guys. 

They were nice though! I didn't talk much. We played that HeadsUp game and then just talked. They invited me to come back next time and my husband said we can make it a priority and he will put it on his calendar.