We are going to Texas next week to visit husband's family! Fun! It might rain! I can't wait to see some rain.
My father-in-law called me today on facetime on his lunch break. He loves facetime, so does my husband. Weird! :) We talked about the visit and then he mentioned Thanksgiving and Christmas and us going there with them.
I told him, "Well I want to, but I hate leaving my dad alone on holidays like that." My dad's family is all here, but he likes me to be a part of it and of course I want to spend holidays with him too.
The father-in-law looks thoughtful for a minute and then says, "Of course he is welcome here. He is family. My child is his and his child is mine. We are family."
He didn't sound so much like he meant it thought. I know my husband's parents both really like me and his father loves me like his own child, but they aren't too excited about my dad. I'm not sure that would be the best holiday for him.
I told him that my dad likes them and said they are very welcoming (that is kind of true, but I think my dad was just being polite). That made husband's dad smile. He said he should make more of an effort to get to know my father.
When I've talked to my husband about it, he said it's not that they don't like him, but they don't like the circumstance of my mom leaving. To them, that is a crazy concept. My parents should have married and stayed together. It's not that my dad didn't want that, but my mom didn't. She got pregnant young (with me) and they were kind of put together when she was not ready to be a wife and mother.
So I don't know. My husband said he would like to spend thanksgiving and christmas with his family, but that he will go where I go. He said if we want to spend thanksgiving here with my family then that would be an acceptable compromise, but in the past we spent all holidays with my family and his family was back in Iran. Now they are here so he thinks it would be ok for us to spend both with them.
I can see his point. My dad would kind of be a stranger in their house in Texas. He doesn't know people there or have friends there. So that might be weird for him.
I haven't even talked about this with my dad. He may not even want to go. Just some thoughts...
Aww, it's nice that you have a family who wants to get to know your family too! Even though it may seem otherwise, I think it's nice that they're trying.
ReplyDeleteThe whole blended family thing might be awkward at times, but it is very important to keep it in your thoughts. I had the unfortunate experience of it turning pretty ugly (Don't worry, I'm fine. (although someone who's not fine would say that, lol)). So, I think it's pretty good that you're thinking about both families in your position. It'll definitely pay off. But take care of yourself too, ok?
It is good and I am glad that my dad and his parents at least attempt to get along and they want good things for us so they try for us. It's a good thing. :) Thanks
DeleteEmri,
ReplyDeleteAs someone who deals with blended families, we would go to one families holiday on the day before and the other family on the holiday. That is a way to approach the blended families. It worked for my family, so it might be an idea for you to think about. (the families didn't get along so that is why we separated for the holidays.) I hope you and A work it out.
Jen
I think we will end up doing that. I feel bad because my husband had his family on another continent for almost 10 years so now that they are close he is getting his fill of family time. Plus I can't complain since my dad lives with us and my husband pretty much pays all the bills so I don't have to worry about my father. And we see my dad every day so it's not like a week away here and there is so bad. Plus they are inviting him too.
DeleteMy husband is willing to do one holiday here and one there, but I know he really wants to make up for the lost years being far from them.
I see both sides... I didn't have family at all for so long, now I have a village (figuratively and literally). I discovered my biological family (like his) is HUGE!!! It has been overwhelming. Meemaw and Pawpaw want me to "come home" to Paducah more often to make up for 18+ lost years. I can see Ash's side sooooo clearly, my heart is torn.
ReplyDeleteIronically it is the IRS that complicates things for me. If I am in the States for more than 31 days per year I have to pay the U.S. income tax on top of Jordan's taxes.
Holidays are fun with his family. Mama (his mom) even helped me prepare for the birth of "my prophet" this year. Z's father wants to bring my grandparents over for Christmas next year. I am blessed that his parents get on with my grandparents so well.
I wish I had advice to give you, I am trying to figure it out myself.
It is pretty crazy! I had this huge close family I just popped into. :) They are awesome people, but honestly they don't have anything in common with my dad so I can't really force them together.
DeleteThat's crazy about the IRS. I don't make any money so I am just a bum on my husband's taxes. :)
I hope your family has an awesome time over there. :) Sounds like fun!
Aww, poor dad. He can’t help it that he was a single parent. Family is complicated. You sound like a very thoughtful son and SIL. They are all lucky to have you.
ReplyDeleteYes! Exactly! I get pretty defensive about my dad. He did the best he could and was always an awesome dad for me. I want to make sure I am there for him too.
DeleteHope this doesn’t sound insensitive if I’m way off base, but if the actual holiday itself doesn’t carry meaning for your in-laws, since they aren’t Christian for Christmas reasons, and thanksgiving is usually mainly an American holiday on that date anyway, maybe they would be okay with you spending the day of with your dad and the week before or after with them? Like whatever week his dad has more time off?
ReplyDeleteJust assuming for them it is more about the time off and time together than gatherings around a tree or turkey.
Your husband sounds really sweet with you and your dad, regardless of what they think of your upbringing.
I kind of feel like your dad deserves bonus points for not just raising you but raising you to turn out so well:) I mean not only did he do it all alone under kind of sad circumstances he raised a son they seem to agree turned out to be everything they want for their son.
Good luck with the logistics! It’s always great to have two loving families and at minimum your dad can celebrate in TX if he’d feel too alone without you.