He didn't grow up feeling like he didn't fit in with other guys. He didn't grow up smaller and weaker and bad at sports and all of the other cliches of being a gay boy in a straight world. He didn't grow up like me.
So to him it doesn't feel like community to be in that kind of space like it does for me.
I remember my first pride when I was 16 and didn't know that a hot Persian alpha-jock-bro was in my future. My dad took me. He has a friend who is gay and they decided I was old enough for it. We didn't do anything wild. We went to the parade and just walked around. That's the kind of awesome dad I have. He was on one side of me and his friend on the other and I got to just be there and observe and it was amazing.
LA Pride 2013!
These nuns always scare the crap out of me! They are at every pride event!
He wanted me to see that there were lots of people like me. I knew that, of course. My high school had an alliance club and lots of kids were out and it wasn't a big deal, but lots of kids that year were killing themselves. Every time dad saw or read or heard something about it he got really freaked and made me promise that I'd tell him if I ever felt that way.
It didn't help that I was already seeing a counselor for my eating issues. He somehow linked it to that and thought I was trying to just waste away to nothing.
"You can't fade out on me. You're my kid." I remember him saying that a few times after he'd caught me getting rid of food. Ugh ok this post spiraled into sadness. haha. No no no!!
Gay Days Disney was different. There is no parade and they don't allow shirtless or odd costumes. It was very chill and filled with a lot of regular gays from other places. There were a lot of older ones too.
We spent the first hour or so walking around and then one of my husband's clients invited us to their hotel room. They were staying at the resort inside the California adventure side of Disneyland. It was fun. We hung out in their room. They are nice older guys. Yesterday was intense sunshine so taking a break in their cold room was a good break.
My husband slathered me with sunblock and we mostly just people watched. We rode our normal rides, Pirates of the Caribbean, Indiana Jones, Little Mermaid. The first and third are the ones I always demand.
Husband likes Indiana Jones, but it constantly breaks down. Out of the ten or so times we have ridden it, it has broken down 5 or 6 of those. You go through an adventure in an old Jeep, but sometimes it just stops and sometimes the lights go off. A disney worker will come out and assure us that it is ok and then the ride will start again.
Everyone wears red. We wore regular clothes. They do this huge group picture in front of the castle, but we weren't in it.
That's ok though. I know my husband pushed through his comfort zone to take me to it. Even though he didn't want to be there and didn't feel safe having me there (he always worries about attacks and things like that can be a big target), he still did his best to let me have fun. It was a good day.
The only sad part was watching his face when we saw two guys pushing strollers or holding their kids. I know he wants that for us and he is so ready to be a dad. He didn't talk about it, but his eyes lingered whenever we crossed their paths.
That IS an awesome dad! All of it, not just the pride part. And a sweet husband. I bet at least a tiny part of him loved it:) Always such great energy and love at events like that.
ReplyDeleteKids are on the agenda for you, right? You are both bound to be great parents with the way you describe your own parents.
We really want kids. They will be completely spoiled by my dad and his parents, but I know my husband will be a good guide for them.
DeleteI love pride events. It's just awesome to be surrounded by people like me. I know he likes being able to put his arms around me without worrying too. But he is from a part of the world where something like that would draw really bad backlash so it's still hard for him to feel safe there or feel like I am safe there.
I can’t imagine. I watched a few documentaries on LGBTQ life in countries like Jamaica and Pakistan. Hard to even watch on TV. Jamaica seemed worse than the Middle East.
DeleteIt seems really scary. He doesn't talk about it much. He says I don't need to think of those things, but he will kind of talk about it when I say I want to visit there. He says maybe some day we can go to Iran if things are radically different. Maybe when he is old I can take him there and see all the places he grew up with. That would be cool. :)
DeleteI read an article by someone who has traveled to every (or almost every) country. They said Iranians surprised them by how friendly they were. I’m not sure if the author was American or not. But they said Iranians were some of the most welcoming people. They just didn’t get many Western visitors. I know the gay situation is a separate thing. But it was a little sad, like if individuals could just meet up without politics and our governments we could be more united.
DeleteI hope someday you can both go visit.