Saturday, September 15, 2018

All out of hunger.

I have been working like crazy on Lukas 13. I started it in Phoenix once the comments started coming in begging to know what is going on with his father. Sometimes a few days out of town with my love can help me get inspired. I like where the story is going. It's one of the few series where I'm 13 chapters in and feel like there is a lot more to tell with this series. I only have five pages left and I need a good bang-boy scene to wrap it up. 

I feel bad for Mr. Khorasani. I really want happiness for him. I think out of all the characters I feel the most attached to him because he reminds me of how my husband's father treats me and treats us. 

My dad once said that one of the big reasons people have kids is so they can fix the regrets they have in their own lives. I kind of feel that way about my father-in-law. I know he loves his wife so much, He is so sweet with her and never argues much with her. The only time I saw him get upset with her is the few times she hurt my feelings. I know he has a very happy life with her. 

I don't think he's gay. I don't. But maybe somewhere on the scale of sexuality I think he has a piece of him, an alternate version, that would have found happiness with a boy of his own. Like maybe out there in an alternate universe he stayed in London and met a nice English boy with blonde hair and green eyes; a boy who cared for him and followed his every direction like I do with A. 



I heard somewhere that we model our relationships off of the examples of our parents. I think this is true in our case. A follows his father in being a leader and provider. He is hard and shrewd with his business self and saves his soft and caring for his partner. He is loyal and never misses a chance to reassure me. 

I am definitely like my father. He chased after my mom and put up with whatever horrible thing she offered him. He'd still be chasing her, doing whatever he could to make her happy, if she let him. I lucked out in finding someone who cares more about me than I care about myself. Even if he was toxic I'd chase him to the end. We mate for life. There's nothing else for us. 

This video is sooooo gay, soooo me, and soooo good... 


9 comments:

  1. Heavy stuff for a Saturday night and a very interesting video. I think really, most people want that one person who will be theirs forever. I know I do, and I hope I've found it with Sajid. If my relationship is half as good with him as my parent's relationship is, it will last forever.

    I'm glad Lukas will continue for a while. I really enjoy the story and the characters. They seem so real and believable.

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    1. Thanks. They are real in my head. Pieces of their story play out in my dreams sometimes. It's weird and it scares me because A says I talk in my sleep, but he says it's mostly nonsense. He says I also hump in my sleep and told me it's why he doesn't sleep with his back to me (he's not a bottom :)).

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  2. Florence is such a poet. Love her.

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    1. YES! Their new stuff is so good!

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    2. "Never Let Me Go" From one of her older albums is a song I still play on repeat. :)

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  3. Read it from chapter 1 and have been re-reading it from chapter 1 whenever you post a chapter. Its that good :)

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    1. Aww thank you! I should go back and reread chapter 1. I always worry my characters evolve too far from the origins. Sometimes I try to go back and review just to make sure they don't.

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  4. Do you have plans for Mr Khorasani? I feel there is this restraint about him when he interacts with Lukas.
    So true, we often model ourselves against our parents, unknowingly. Like Rachel from Friends once said: I tried so hard to avoid turning out like my father, that I ended up being like my mother. HAHAHA

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    1. Wow what a quote. My mom was awful so I try to not be like her. I want Mr. K to turn out ok and still be involved no matter what happens. Thank you for reading! :)

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