Grinding through Grindr is better with friends.

My friend came over tonight, the one from the breakup. It was a surprise. A (the Persian husband) invited him for dinner and to hang out. A brought takeout and he ate dinner with us but then gave us some time to hang out. 

[On Saturday, birthday, A had asked how I was feeling about the changes we've been through these last few months (moving, switching to online school instead of going to campus, etc...). I'd told him I was already missing seeing people I knew on a regular basis being on campus. I had some friends I've had from high school and middle school. He tries to make an effort to not keep me totally isolated in his nest.]

So my friend is now single and he's on these dating apps. He was showing me some of the guys he's chatting with. Oh Woah! Some guys just put it all out there. 

A heard us laughing a little too loudly and he left his work laptop to come see. He sat in between us and we helped my friend pick out a guy to contact.

A was funny. He took the phone since he was sitting in the middle and he kept previewing the pictures before he showed us because some were definitely not PG. As if we were innocent children or something. 

He looks for totally different things than we do, and it was really funny to hear his take on seeing another gay man and judging his dateability. We have NEVER discussed whether some other guy would be dateable or not. 😆. He was commenting, "What job does he have? Is this his car? He looks irresponsible! He has cheap underwear. He will be cheap with other things!"

I don't think A got that my friend was just kind of looking for someone to sleep with. At one point he said, "This guy says he is musician. He can't support you on that or we would have heard of him!" It was cute watching my husband get all parental on my friend. Normally friend would object, but he seemed to warm up to A and even snuggled into the other side of him opposite me while A was swiping on his phone.

A did have some good insights. "A masculine man does not need to announce that he is masculine. Why will he need to tell people this?" 

We did find a few somewhat decent guys and we chatted back and forth as a group with them. A was a little rough with them and very very straightforward. He wasn't being so much flirty as interrogational. We found someone close to his age for him to do a workout with. 

A said they should meet on a weekend when we can accompany him for safety! My friend and I cracked up at that. He meets guys for unsafe stuff all the time. He wasn't into the idea of having a chaperone. 

When my friend left, he told me on the side, "You're so lucky. You never have to worry about this stuff." That meant a LOT because he was one of my friends that didn't like A when we started dating. He said he was too old and too controlling. Now he sees there are good parts to that. 

I could tell A was warming up to him too. My friend was quieter and... less vulgar than usual. He didn't flirt with A or say shocking things. He just hung with us and seemed to have a good time. He was trying to be a good boy for A. I think he liked being snuggled under A's arm too... but that was just temporary... I get both arms and I have the ring to enforce it. 👲