Grinding through Grindr is better with friends.

My friend came over tonight, the one from the breakup. It was a surprise. A (the Persian husband) invited him for dinner and to hang out. A brought takeout and he ate dinner with us but then gave us some time to hang out. 

[On Saturday, birthday, A had asked how I was feeling about the changes we've been through these last few months (moving, switching to online school instead of going to campus, etc...). I'd told him I was already missing seeing people I knew on a regular basis being on campus. I had some friends I've had from high school and middle school. He tries to make an effort to not keep me totally isolated in his nest.]

So my friend is now single and he's on these dating apps. He was showing me some of the guys he's chatting with. Oh Woah! Some guys just put it all out there. 

A heard us laughing a little too loudly and he left his work laptop to come see. He sat in between us and we helped my friend pick out a guy to contact.

A was funny. He took the phone since he was sitting in the middle and he kept previewing the pictures before he showed us because some were definitely not PG. As if we were innocent children or something. 

He looks for totally different things than we do, and it was really funny to hear his take on seeing another gay man and judging his dateability. We have NEVER discussed whether some other guy would be dateable or not. 😆. He was commenting, "What job does he have? Is this his car? He looks irresponsible! He has cheap underwear. He will be cheap with other things!"

I don't think A got that my friend was just kind of looking for someone to sleep with. At one point he said, "This guy says he is musician. He can't support you on that or we would have heard of him!" It was cute watching my husband get all parental on my friend. Normally friend would object, but he seemed to warm up to A and even snuggled into the other side of him opposite me while A was swiping on his phone.

A did have some good insights. "A masculine man does not need to announce that he is masculine. Why will he need to tell people this?" 

We did find a few somewhat decent guys and we chatted back and forth as a group with them. A was a little rough with them and very very straightforward. He wasn't being so much flirty as interrogational. We found someone close to his age for him to do a workout with. 

A said they should meet on a weekend when we can accompany him for safety! My friend and I cracked up at that. He meets guys for unsafe stuff all the time. He wasn't into the idea of having a chaperone. 

When my friend left, he told me on the side, "You're so lucky. You never have to worry about this stuff." That meant a LOT because he was one of my friends that didn't like A when we started dating. He said he was too old and too controlling. Now he sees there are good parts to that. 

I could tell A was warming up to him too. My friend was quieter and... less vulgar than usual. He didn't flirt with A or say shocking things. He just hung with us and seemed to have a good time. He was trying to be a good boy for A. I think he liked being snuggled under A's arm too... but that was just temporary... I get both arms and I have the ring to enforce it. 👲

Cayucos and Tears, but good ones.

I think Cayucos is our happy place. He remembered how much I liked it the last time we went and he got us a little place on the beach for my birthday. It was so beautiful but it never really warmed up. We headed up Friday and he didn't tell me where we were going, but we stopped at a grocery store and got food to grill (it's the only way he knows how to cook really). 

The place was like two long townhomes with a courtyard and big wall across the front. We didn't see the neighbors until A went out to grill and this older lesbian-looking couple came out and talked to him. They were nice but we didn't see them again.

He promised to not work for the weekend and except for a few emails, he kept his word. We went to a small aquarium down the coast for my birthday and then spent time on the beach and a lot of time in bed. He got me these kick ass headphones that are way too big for the gym, but good for writing time and housework. 

Sleeping with the windows open next to the Pacific Ocean is a crazy experience. It got so quiet at night we heard the waves crashing and it was so peaceful... until sunrise when the seabirds were squawking outside our window. A got up, walked that beautiful furry bottom of his over to the window, cursed at them in Persian, closed the windows and shades, came back to bed, and went right back to snoring. It was so cute. 

He got champagne for us, but as soon as I got goofy he cut me off. He didn't drink much. It was nice. 

+++

Friday I got a burst of inspiration with Lukas ch. 7. It's nearly finished. I just need to go back and do the sex scene. 

I wrote, in my opinion, one of the best scenes I've ever done. It's probably only the second... maybe third time I've cried while typing it out. It's a beautiful moment where it really hits them how much they love each other. It's the middle third of the story. 

I felt like I was watching them go through this heartbreaking moment in the middle of a room crowded with strangers. Lukas gets all embarrassed and Ari tries to be the strong protector and hold his emotions. The scene just totally made me think of what my own husband went through when we had our struggles of trying to get to each other. That moment where it feels like you'll spend the rest of your life with a hole in your chest that nothing can fill. 

I wanted to show Ari's  perspective and what it feels like when you think you always have to be the strong one. I know A definitely feels that way all the time with me. He goes out of his way to be the rock. 

I'm an ugly crier, not like this guy. Who is this guy? the pic didn't have a title. My face gets all mashed and my eyes get red and A freaks out. He paces around then tries to hold me and figure out what to do. 

When he came home to get me on Friday to start our weekend, my eyes were still red and he kept trying to figure out what he'd done. I kept saying I wasn't crying. He didn't believe me so he licked my cheek and then confirmed his suspicions. He's a good detective.  

+++

On a side note. About a year or so ago I got A one of those Juul things so he wouldn't smoke anymore. He was a social smoker when we met and loves the hookah like most middle eastern guys. Then when he finished school and started working like crazy to build his business it just kind of turned into a habit. I didn't grow up with it so it's pretty gross. But when you love someone... He really liked the Juul and immediately switched over. 

Anyways so he hasn't had a real cigarette in forever, but now I find these little guys everywhere!! I wonder if they can be recycled? And please don't tell me to make him stop (can't and he'd probably just hide it from me) and that it's going to kill him (nooooo 😟). 

We are all just slurpees waiting to be consumed.

A (husband) got mad at me last night. If anyone else had seen it they would have said, "What are you talking about? He's not mad at all!" We don't argue like regular people, but I can tell when he's mad. He gets very soft with me and sits me down facing him and lays out what he wants from me in a calm and direct way. He talks to me like he's negotiating with someone who has a knife. It used to feel kind of insulting, but I prefer it to him blowing up and getting angry which he never does. I've seen his anger on other people, but he'd never use it with me. 

The issue is I have a friend I've had since 6th grade who is going through a breakup with another guy that I know from the lgbt group on campus so I'm friends with both of them. I went through a period where I dropped everyone when my guy and I were getting serious. When A got the townhouse and moved me in with him I disappeared completely from my friends and I got really sad. 

Being a houseboy isn't all like you read in stories. It can be really isolating and you feel like a pet. I used to jump on him when he came home from work like a puppy. He loved it, but then I started doing bad things and he got concerned. So now he makes it a priority for me to schedule time with my friends and even have them over for pizza and a movie at least once a month. 

But when they get into drama he wants me to stay completely out of it. He says I shouldn't get involved or take sides. He said, "It is best to leave them to find their own way. I do not wish for you to be in the middle." 

I know to him we seem like little kids. He doesn't deal with these things in his grown-up world. When his friends are sad about something he invites them over and they drink beer and play video games. I can't imagine him sitting on the phone for an hour talking his friend through sadness. 

He doesn't really understand boy drama even though I know way back he had some with a guy in the UK when he was a teenager. He only talked about it once and if I ask him now he says, "It doesn't matter. It prepared me to know what I really want and now I have it. Now nothing else matters." He says over the top love stuff like that and I always feel bad for not thinking of the perfect thing to say in return. I usually just blush and then let him kiss me. 

We agreed that I should not try to work things out between the two of them and just be a supportive friend. He promised I'll never know heartbreak like that so long as he is living. I told him it makes me glad that I'm not out there dating. I would be really weird about it. 

He always jokes about the guys I would be with if I weren't with him. I mostly attract really cute Asian guys with cool hair. I made the comment once to him that if I hadn't met him I would be with a guy like that, someone small like me but maybe a little taller. Whenever we see one who fits that he gives me a look and smile like, "Are you interested?" Sometimes I am... 

I don't know why, but that is the number one type of guy who will chat me up randomly. I have two extremes to my attraction scale. I like dominant Middle Eastern muscle guys and Asian guys my age and build. Now I've discovered dominant muscled Asian guys and that sparked my Tabula Colton series. The few I've gotten to know through A's clients have been really hot, but they seem to view smaller white boys like collectable action figures. One of them had this younger white guy who said he wasn't even gay until he met the older muscled Chinese guy (super wealthy). 

We hung out with them a few times last year when A was helping him invest, and the older guy treated the younger one like a pet (not in the nice way I get treated like a pet). He ordered him around and talked about how dumb he was. The younger one kind of brushed it off, but seemed fine with taking the older one's money and they traveled around the world. The last time I heard about it, the younger one had left him, sold stuff, and moved to NYC. 

I was happy for him, but A said the younger one was using the guy for money and if he had been interested in love he would have insisted on being treated better.

I reminded A that he makes all the money for us and I don't contribute much at all. 

He said that's not true, that I'm always begging him to slow down and making a nice home for him to come for relaxation. That I care more about spending time with him and turn down things when he takes me shopping because I don't like to waste money. He says I recharge him and he knows we would still be ok even if he worked at 7-Eleven. I do love 7-Eleven... Slurpees are dope.  

I have a clue about the birthday weekend. He says to pack for cooler weather. That either means we are going somewhere coastal or mountainous... or it means we are going somewhere with other guys and he wants me covered up to not expose my body. :) So maybe it's not a full clue. 

I'm working on Lukas some, but I've reached that point in a series where people stop writing me emails and commenting on it. They just expect more chapters will come. I don't like whining about that because as soon as you care more about the response to your art than in the act of creating something you love... things go downhill. I try to remind myself of that. I write for me. 

I write because these characters are in my head and they do crazy stuff and demand that I recall it on paper. I write because I love going to the gym, putting in my headphones, and listening to the autovoice read back to me what I created. I do that ten or more times with each chapter and then I go back and rewrite things and make it better, or explain things more clearly, or add descriptions because the picture is fuzzy. It's nice when someone likes my art, but art is about freeing the soul, getting out the animal inside that is restless and needs some air. 

Whatever your release, you have to do it for you. I like to create more than I consume. Whether its writing, food, working out, listening, being kind, I try to make a safe space for someone to come in and enjoy a moment. And I love 7-Eleven. 

Life inside the shell.

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Lukas and Cherries

Finally finished Chapter 6 of Lukas. It is sent in and should post in a day or two. I needed to shut up and write. I held off on blogs and stuff until I could finish it. 

We had so much fun on our trip to San Francisco and Monterey. The best part of a California road trip is stopping at those crazy farm stands. We got good cucumbers, little oranges, and the most amazing cherries. The husband bought two big bags of them and they washed us for them and gave us paper cups for the pits.  

They're those fat purple cherries that stain your fingers, lips, and teeth. They are so good. The husband has lived and traveled across the world and says nothing compares to California agriculture. We finished a bag of them this weekend. They're the best after a long play time. 

Strangely enough, Lukas is also waiting for his cherry to be pitted. Soon, soon.  

+++ 

Apparently our new apartment building has a variety of special services you can schedule. The husband surprised me with them so when I came home there were groceries in the fridge and our apartment was cleaned. He had me put all our dirty laundry in bags and a guy came by to collect them so I didn't have to spend the day washing our clothes. 

I felt weird about that. He tends to get messy when we do stuff and then he will use whatever shirt he was wearing to wipe us down. I'm used to spraying stuff on our clothes before I wash them, so it felt weird to know a stranger would encounter that. He doesn't care at all about that. He said they probably find much weirder stuff and they are used to it. It was nice to come back and find all our clothes folded or hung and in plastic wrap. 

Friday we went down to Long Beach for a picnic. We went up to Signal Hill and watched the sunset. It was so amazing. It was a clear night and you can see about 270 degrees around the LA basin and the ocean all the way out to Catalina and Orange County. 

If you've never been up there it's worth the drive. He had some clients who met us there and we had a picnic then went to their house and chilled for the night. He has so many friends and I've gotten used to being in strange houses for parties. They spoke in either Farsi or Arabic with him so I just hung out at his side and played games on his phone. 

We slept in today, but it's so bed time for me. I'm happy I finished the chapter. I hope it's not complete crap. ☝

Monterey, Afghans, and Lukas

We slept in late yesterday and then left for Monterey. It's so beautiful down here. Monterey is like a little version of San Francisco but much calmer. It has the beautiful old victorian houses and curvy streets along rocky cliffs with local shops and interesting finds. 

We did the aquarium (I love aquariums), had some dinner, and made it an early night because he's pretty sleepy from all this work. I hope he gets a real break soon. Last night he had planned to take me out, but I suggested he get a few local craft beers (he loves that stuff) and we just hang out in the room. He watched ESPN, drank his beer, and relaxed. He got really happy and told me how much better his life is with me. I know how to make him slow down when he starts spinning. He loves his business and loves making new clients and getting things done, but he will work himself to death if I don't relax him. 

On our way down to Monterey, we stopped to meet some clients for lunch in Fremont. I didn't know this, but Fremont has a ton of Afghanis. The men in that culture are big on fitness and bodybuilding. OMG so many hot guys! We went to a kabob place and I sat quietly while the husband charmed them. Their language is similar to what they speak in Iran and the cultures are related. I was in the middle of a hot guy soup just eating quietly and then playing games on his phone. After that we headed back down to the coast to our hotel. 

+++ 

Lukas 6 is coming along but slowly. I should have it finished maybe this weekend. Once we get home I can write more. I know where I want to go with it, it's just finding the time and concentration to do it. Some people can work better while out and about. I get inspired when we travel, but I write best at home at our table when A is at work and I have quiet. It's also been hard finding workout time here. We have been walking around a lot, but for me there is no substitution for being on my cardio machines and doing yoga or pilates on a mat. The hotels have decent gyms, but I like what I know. 

When I don't workout just the right way I don't feel like I did a good job and then I don't want to eat. Routine is life. Routine makes me happy and puts me at ease. 

I talked to my dad last night and he said they got surprise rain in Glendale. I missed rain! I was pissed. :( 

San Francisco thoughts

There are people who live their whole lives in LA and never visit the Bay Area and vice versa. Why? Because they're far apart (6 hours about). Plus you have the NorCal vs. SoCal thing. They don't like us. We are garbage people who steal their water. Our thoughts on them are... Oh yeah, that's cool. Fun. LA is too self-involved to have an opinion. I grew up learning about Northern California in history but never thinking I'd come here. It is a very different California. People are weird and look too smart. 

Interestingly enough though people assume we are together as a couple instead of some weird father/son pairing like we get in LA (even though we look nothing alike as he is darker Persian and I am a generic white boy). I think it's just that he treats me like his child, but here people assume we are a couple. They're more perceptive here I guess, or LA just makes quicker assumptions. I don't know...  It's kind of nice to not be mistaken for his child. People are smarter up here. 

We are heading out tomorrow and doing things along the way. We're staying somewhere down the coast and then going back to LA the next day... Thursday? I'm losing track of time. We took his parents to the airport on Sunday then headed up here. I always sleep when we're in the car for more than 30 minutes. He will play music, talk on the phone through the car system, whistle, curse, fart, I sleep through it all. He has about 100 pictures of me curled up in the passenger seat passed out and clutching my pillow pet. He takes a pic every time. If I'm asleep then I won't bug him to stop for drinks, restroom, roadside fun stuff, etc... So he doesn't mind it. 

We have been trying little restaurants. The restaurants here are like ten tables in a long narrow space. We went to one in Chinatown where he spoke in Farsi or Arabic to the guy the whole time. I didn't even get a menu, but I had some falafel and this really good salad. Then there was an italian restaurant that had this really good steak meat with salad and extra cucumbers (my favorite green food in the world). We saw the top of twin peaks, tried every independent coffee place we found, and bought lots of little tourist junk. I have three magnets, two shirts, funky socks, and a sticker for my journal. 

He had meetings the last two mornings so I was confined to the hotel room, but then he came back for lunch and spent the rest of the day with me. This afternoon we went to the beach and it was freezing so we just put our feet in and then walked around the sunset neighborhood and played cards at a Java Beach coffee place which is weird because it's too cold to be beachy. 

Boring couple stuff, just bumming around and having lots of sex because his parents are gone and hotels are always places for good naked time. Going to bed, heading out tomorrow. I miss LA warmth. No hot guy picture. I'm working on the next chapter of Lukas but I haven't written much lately. 

Lukas 5 and The City

Chapter 5 of Lukas posted. yay. You can read it here. It's the longest chapter so far. Lukas 6 will take awhile because tomorrow we are heading to San Francisco and the Persian parents are heading back to Tehran. 

We took them for lunch today in Tehrangeles. That's the Persian neighborhood of LA. It's home to the largest amount of Persians outside Iran... That's what they say. I don't know if it's true. 

If you've never been, it's like the TV show Shahs of Sunset. Don't EVER bring up this show with my husband. He'll grind his teeth and change the topic then tell me on the drive home that you are not someone he wishes to know. But seriously, those guys are all over driving their parents' BMWs and trying desperately to look wealthy. My husband says he is nothing like them, but he does dress nice like that and he can be a little flashy with his money too. 

We don't go to that area much because of traffic, but he does have some Persian friends around there and they're pretty cool. They're nice to me, but I always feel like an outsider. I never say a word unless they ask me a direct question. It's not that I'm too scared, it's that in their culture you have to like jump in and demand to say what you want to say. I don't like to compete for things so I usually disappear under my man's arm and play a game on his phone. 

We always stay at the coolest place in San Francisco. It's not in a hip area, but it's right by the pyramid building and he stays there on business so he gets a good deal. I like it when we go and there is a really cool little grocery store so we get snacks and fun stuff to make camping out in the room nice when he has to leave me for meetings. Plus they let him schedule the room cleaning time for when he takes me out so I don't get bothered when I'm spending the morning in the room. 

San Francisco isn't my favorite city to go to but it can be fun with him. There are some amazing museums and stuff to see. We go to this amazing little french place Cafe Bastille. It's so good and in a cute little alley. The problem is that it's really, really dirty and you get people screaming a lot or wanting to talk to you. It's like Hollywood, lots and lots of pee. We've seen street fights in the gayborhood with really crazy drunks. He doesn't like going to the Castro but sometimes his clients demand it. 

My birthday is in two weeks... I don't know what he is planning, he just smiles and says "you will see." 

Lukas 5 and Bombs dropped.

I finished the new chapter of Lukas & The Shah last night and sent it in so hopefully it will post today! I think I worked out the issues with it and I hope people like it. It's longer than the usual chapters. I write long chapters. 

Last night I was eating dinner with the family and my husband's mom (she is trying to be extra nice to me since throwing away my meal prep stuff) mentioned that we should go shopping for school clothes for me for the fall semester. 

I told them I really don't need any since I'll be doing online classes from now on and staying at home. His father translated this into Farsi and both of them looked at us with concern. 

Apparently A had not filled them in on me being a stay-home student. I had no idea they didn't know. They were not pleased at all. 

"He will go crazy being in the house alone all day." "What about friends and social things?" "You work too much and will be too tired to take him out when you get home." "He can stay home when he finishes. He's too young and needs to be out." There was lots of buzz and his dad translated for me, much to A's annoyance since he keeps me out of his family drama. 

I could feel A getting upset. He doesn't like other people offering opinions on us or how to raise his boy. We've discussed it between the two of us and he talked to my dad about it to address his concerns, but ultimately he decides what is best in matters that are between the two of us. He takes that very seriously and always considers what I want, but he doesn't want input from others unless he asks for it. 

They did make some good points. But... The university I went to is 20 miles away and I don't drive and he doesn't want me to drive. I could do the bus. I grew up taking busses and public transportation. He does not want me on busses. He could drive me, but his work takes him all over LA and traffic is horrible trying to get out of the valley in the mornings and then back into it in the afternoons. 

It would add at least two hours of travel to our day. We thought about only going two days a week and doing other classes online. He said that might be an option in the future if this doesn't go well. Another option is for me to travel with him for his work a few days a week and work on my laptop while he is in meetings or at his office. That's his favorite option since we'd get to spend more time together and he could use the carpool lanes on the freeway (LA Traffic is a serious life concern). That's probably what we'll end up doing some days. Especially on days when traffic is awful. 

That's what we're doing today. He has a meeting with clients in Hollywood so I'm parked at a starbucks. 🍪 

I know his goal has always been to have me at home where he knows I am safe. Plus with our new place there is a sweet gym and a really nice communal area with coffee, wifi, tables, big couches, etc... And the roof has a deck with cabanas and a pool. I'm allowed to go anywhere in the complex and I could take my laptop and work. 

He said he's already set this up and if things don't go well this semester then he'll think about it. I think that if he didn't tell them about this then it means he doesn't feel right. 

But to him, the thought of having me safe at home while he goes out and does his work to provide for us is everything. I don't push him much on this. He'll come around if things don't go well. He always gives in when it means me being happy.  

Fighting with no common language is rough.

My husband's parents are here from Iran and they're going home in a few days when we're going to San Francisco. His mother speaks limited English, very limited. And this morning we had our first real conflict. 

I was planning to make them a special dinner tonight because his mom NEVER lets me cook. She lets me assist with whatever she's doing. I'm not one of those gays that loves cooking or decorating or brags about my skills or whatever, but I wanted to do something nice for them and A loves when I make fajitas for him. 

I had all the meat marinating in the fridge and about lunchtime I went to start working on the vegetables. I see the container that had the meat in it has been washed and is drying by the sink. All of the meat and marinade stuff was gone, like nowhere, not even in the trash. I went to ask A's dad about it and he got this weird look on his face and then went to ask the mom. I followed. 

They're speaking in their language and not in a friendly tone. His dad was almost yelling at her. She looks at me and looks horrified. Then he translates that she put it down the trash chute thinking it was old leftovers. She apologized a ton through him and he is very upset with her. 

I know she didn't think they were leftovers because she has been doing all the cooking for the last few weeks here and she would have noticed a large container with marinating, uncooked meat in it. I didn't want them fighting so I told him it was ok and then I held it together and went to the bedroom and cried. I worked so hard on it. I don't know why she would do that and it was a lot of steak meat. 

Husband came home like five minutes later from showing properties. He hears about this and gets super pissed. He told me his father was handling it otherwise he would have "corrected" her. He said its ok for her to be mean to him, but not to me. I said we should go talk to her and work things out, but he shook his head. He locked the bedroom door and changed out of his work clothes and then pulled me to the bed. 

He set up my tablet and picked out one of the movies he never wants to watch with me on Netflix. Usually he's the movie picker and it's either action or comedy, but always some super straight guy flick. He let me put on Alex Strangelove. I loved it!!! He was meh about it, but he spooned me and pretended to be into it.

He said he was proud of me for not being angry with his parents. He said he is always so proud of how respectful I am to them and that I didn't deserve this. I think he was also super pissed about the no fajitas for dinner. He loves them... 

I told him I didn't want to fight with his mom. I want her to like me. 

[Spoiler Alert]

It was so good! I cried for the last five minutes of it and then that ending with the real life videos of people's coming out stories? OMG! That was amazing. I was already emotional and then this just like drained me. He was so nice to watch it with me even though he hates movies like that. I told him we have to see Love, Simon next. He shook his head. I reminded him his mom hurt my feelings, that just got me tickles and kisses. 

Oh and Chapter 5 of Lukas is almost done! I just need to finish the sex scene. 

The Cliffhanger and The Laundromat; a tale of desire.

The Cliffhanger: 

So I left a cliffhanger at the end of Lukas 4. Obviously the end game is Lukas + Ari = 4eva. 

Sidenote: should they be called Luri or Arkus if they get a weird couple name? SideSidenote: My own relationship is called Amri.... but only by me, no one else uses that and... I'm not even sure I've said it out loud before. 😉

Anyways! The cliffhanger has options: 

1. Do I drag Lukas back to the desert and put him anti-gay camp and let Ari come break him out and confront his father then demand that Lukas is his now? 
2. Do I go easy on Lukas and have Ari's family offer to take Lukas for a few weeks so things can cool off before he head back home when school starts? 
3. Does Lukas' father show up super pissed and discipline Lukas then Ari's father steps in to diffuse the situation and end up seducing Lukas' father as his sidepiece sex slave?
4. Your awesome thoughts? 

And here is the necessary hot guy pic that you demand to see before reading my blog: 

....

And the Laundromat: 

So My Persian husband's mother was doing laundry and she turned it on then walked away. We heard loud banging and then it stopped working. We had a load of wet, soapy clothes. The maintenance guy in our apartment tower said it needs a new part that he cannot find right now. All the apartments here have laundry so there is no laundry room. We had to find a laundromat. 

I grew up using them, but A grew up pretty well off and had never been to one. He was horrified. The one near us has wifi and a Starbucks. It was really nice and had way better machines than the junk one where I grew up. There were some hispanic families and I got to use my Spanish talking to a lady who warned me that the machine I was going to use was no good. It was fun. We took all of our laundry to do it all at once. 

The husband worked on his laptop while sipping a coffee and I took care of the clothes. He kept an eye on me while I did the clothes. Oddly enough his mom didn't even come with us. There was a Persian movie they were really into. 

Lukas 4 is done.

I finally finished the fourth chapter. I agonized over what to do and I rewrote it like 3 times until I got something I liked. I will never again write myself into a corner like that! I should have left them in town, but honestly I like how it's going to come out. If they lived right next to each other it would be hard to eventually get Lukas living with Ari which is where a good love story should always end. This way there is an opening. 

You can check here tomorrow (Monday?) night if it's posted. 

I added some religious, anti-gay elements to this chapter. I got that from a few readers' emails. I was raised by a dad who knew I was gay before I did and I never had to come out to him. But from some emails it seems like a lot of parents out there can be pretty harsh. I can't imagine going through that, and I almost cried for Lukas when I wrote it. It's going to get worse before it gets better, but Ari will save his boy. 

I also wanted to make Ari's parents a little different to show some of the more liberal muslims I've met since being with my guy. I hope it turned out ok. But you guys always let me know either way. I have some very vocal readers. 

Thanks everyone for the suggestions and help. I used so much of your feedback. 

Next chapter is going to be interesting and a big pivot for the series! I so want to discuss it, but I'll let you read chapter 4 before I get into that. Hopefully it posts tomorrow night. 

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I've learned that if I don't put a picture of a hot guy in each blog post then people don't read it. So here is one. He's not my type at all (You should know that if you've read my stories). I actually have pajamas JUST like this with the hood. A (the husband) pulls the hood over my head when he wants me to settle down and go to sleep. It's the same if I wear a baseball hat. He pulls it down over my face when I'm being mean to him or too whiny. 

A lot of my shirts have hoods on them. I just thought about that. I just like them. I even have a sleeveless shirt with a hood which seems kinda pointless. My husband likes me covered as much as possible. I chalk it up to his muslim side, but maybe he's just overprotective. 

Long Post about the husband. :)

As overprotective as my husband can be, there are certain little areas of insecurity he has where I step up to take care of him. Dating a hyper-masculine guy has been a lot of learning. He's confident and outgoing, but when it's just the two of us he opens up in ways I didn't know he could. One of them is his body image. Middle Eastern guys can be super into their appearance, even straight ones. When we first got together we were both taking classes so it was easy for him to go the gym for two hours and work really hard on his body. 

With work and family pressures, he doesn't have that time anymore and he feels a little self conscious about it. He used to have those hard-etched abs and big pecs. He also used to have more hair on his head and less on other parts where he doesn't want hair. He still makes it to the gym a few days a week and I make healthy food for us, but with his mom here she stuffs him with home food he loves. 

All that to say! This morning he came down in a pair of shorts with no shirt on while I was making his breakfast (blueberry pancakes) and his mom said something to him in Farsi. I don't speak their language, but I could see he was hurt. He said something and then she said something back and laughed. He didn't laugh. He turned and went back to our bedroom without getting his breakfast. 

His mom kind of shrugged at me. I took his breakfast to our room and he was working on his laptop looking sad. I put his plate on the side table and snuggled up to him. I didn't say anything. He doesn't like being poked for information. He just held me and sent an email to some client. Then he finally opened up. 

He said he has to make more time for the gym. Apparently his mom said he's let himself go like his brothers have and that he should share more of his food with me instead of starving me and eating it all himself (She thinks I'm too skinny and accuses him of keeping me that way). 

Can you imagine a parent saying that? I was horrified. My dad would NEVER make a hurtful joke about me. Even when I do it to myself he gives me a disapproving look and says something he likes about me. I know A has said before she picks at all of the kids like that and it's just something Persian mothers do. It upset him, but he couldn't tell her that or she would say he's too sensitive. I was pissed. I can be super protective of him when I need. 

I reminded him of how hot he is to me and how turned on I get just seeing him in his boxerbriefs. I said some other, filthier stuff and then I went down on him while he ate the pancakes, but the point is I got to make him feel better. 

No! Actually the point is sometimes I forget that inside that big pile of steel I married is a guy who needs just as much support, love, and care as I do. 🙌

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On a weird side note! We were flipping through channels last night with his parents and I screamed when I saw my husband on tv! Well not him, but this actor on this show looks JUST like him. It's a show called Quantico and we had to all google like crazy to figure out who the actor is (Jaylen Moore). I can't find out much about him. A was not amused. he said he looks nothing like the guy and that I think anyone with brown skin and muscles looks like him... That is sometimes true...  but even his parents said yeah he does kinda look like him a little! 😃 So now I have to watch the show! 

Babies and Lukas problem.... Help Please!!

Tonight we were eating dinner and A's mom said something in Farsi that made A (my Persian husband) stop and look with alarm. His father saw me look at A to figure out what she'd said. His father, with a fork full of salad, said "She wants to know when you two are getting children." Then he ate his salad. 

I had no response to that. I mean they know about us. They know we are married, but it's never discussed, much less that we are planning on having babies. It wasn't my place to respond since they're his parents. 

The funny thing is that the longer they are here, the more A falls back into his routine of putting his hands on me. When it's just us here or like when my dad is here (my dad could care less if we made out right in front of him though that is kind of weird for any couple to do), A always has a hand on me somewhere. He puts his arm around me on the couch or grabs my bottom when he walks past or just kisses my head. Even when he's working, if I get near him he'll pull me into his lap or have a full on phone conversation with his arms wrapped around me. 

Persian men are yum...

As he gets more comfortable and forgets to hide affection from his parents, he is getting back to his uber-handsy ways. His parents don't even look twice at it. Like today he did his work then came to find me cooking with his mother. He slid his arms around me from behind and put his head on my shoulder to see what we were making. 

So he told them. We are waiting until I finish my degree. He already has a verbal agreement with my cousin who is ok with carrying a child for us, just one time but she said if we want to try for twins she's cool with it. He keeps in contact with her and he's ready to go ahead and do it since I'll be doing online classes now. His mom said that I am young, but he is getting old and should start soon if we want to have many. She said I have the energy for them and A has the money... He was blown away by that. They always surprise us. I'm glad they are rooting for us. 

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I kind of wrote myself into a corner at the end of the third chapter of Lukas and the Shah! IT posted by the way in case any one wants to read it. 

I sent Lukas and his father away from Glendale. So now I have to write a chapter or two about them being apart but um... they need to have sex! Ari needs to get in there and own his boy. So there's that... 

I'll fix it. I always do! Don't worry. It will work out. I should have saved that for chapter five or so. I mean Lukas lived like a block away from Ari and there was more to explore there, but oh well. Maybe his dad's job won't work out and that weird Denise lady will cheat on him or something. Maybe Lukas will end up living with Ari's parents. Wouldn't that be interesting? Ari's dad has a heavy interest in Lukas and maybe he would keep his son from going to far with him. But Lukas leaving his father before he turns 18 would be a big deal and something big would have to cause it... 

I'll figure it out. We're going on a little road trip tomorrow so I'll have time in the car to think it out. I do my best problem solving riding with A in the car. He talks on his car phone system a lot and holds my hand or rubs my thigh and it gives me time to think. I can do this. Focus, Emi! Focus! Ok bedtime. 

Thoughts? Help? Assistance please? You can comment anonymously if you have any ideas or help or personal stories that would relate???