The husband had a crazy week so he is enjoying his video game and beer while he plays with his friends in the headset. Tomorrow night some clients if his are dragging is out to see avenue Q. I looked at some clips on YouTube and he is going to hate it! Sunday we are going to a Meetup for LGBT parents just to scope things out. The organizer guy invited us so we can learn.
I got the question asked about how my friends felt when I first met my husband.
One friend who enjoys meeting lots of guys for fun had experience with Persian and Arab guys. He said it was great but they go through boys quickly and was worried my guy would just use me and move on.
My other friends didn't like that he was immediately so protective and possessive even before I knew he was gay and interested in me like that. Some of my friends were getting into bad things and A----- did not like that. He led me away from things like that.
Once things got serious, my friends got put at the back of my mind and he was all I wanted to hang out with. For awhile I just forgot everyone else existed and when I got invited to things I didn't go or didn't respond. Then I stopped getting invited to things.
Things got really bad when we moved in together. He didn't like my friends because they were rude to him and they tried to get me to go out to parties and things he didn't approve of because there would be drinking and other stuff.
Plus my friends at the time were kind of abrasively gay and he is more reserved and kind of freaked out by the things they talked about quite openly. Also, he wasn't out to anyone and worried that word would get back to his parents in Iran through the very active Persian pipeline of the San Fernando Valley.
We mostly hung out together or with his friends and clients. I felt totally alone and I got super depressed. Things got really bad and I stopped eating. That always seems to be his big alarm. We decided I did need to have some time with friends and he put up with them as best he could.
But my not-eating issues are a WHOLE other blog post. They didn't start with him, but he is very mindful of them and he steps in to monitor things when I don't take care of myself like I should.
It took a good year or so before they started to like him and some friends I lost entirely. He proved that he was going to stick around and really did want me to be happy. Now, my friends are even kind of jealous that I have him.
He schedules nights for them to come over and hang out here. We have pizza and watch stuff. It is funny when we mix my friends with his. I don’t invite the super loud ones. The ones I do invite are intimidated by his friends but yet fascinated. His friends aren’t all hot alpha guys, but they are all very straight-ish sporty guys. So it is interesting to see the groups together.
It’s harder seeing them since I’m doing e-university instead of on-campus classes. But he puts it in his calendar to plan at least one night a month when they come over or I get to meet up with them somewhere. They also like that whether they come here or we meet up, he buys them dinner. That’s always a plus in college. He is the daddy.
My experience is very different from that. I honestly don't have a lot of friends. After two terribly failed relationships, I became somewhat of a loner. I have my coworkers, but I never really hung out with them. So, when things started happening with my very protective Arab guy and they noticed my depression lifting, it was a good thing.
ReplyDeleteEveryone has different social needs and if yours are being met with your scheduled "play dates" (teasing - ha ha), then that's a very good thing. For me, as long as I have him, his friends, and our families, I'm a happy guy.
From what I know of the two of you, he needs you to be happy, but it's hard for him to let go. If I told my guy that I wanted to go out with some friends, he would find excuses for me not to go and would instead have them here. I get it. That's what we get for attaching ourselves to our Persian and Arab alphas. :)
Hopefully you guys will make more couple friends like you. That has been helpful although most of the couples like us are with older guys that he does business with. That's kind of why I'm hoping we can grow our own with O & M hitting it off.
DeleteHe does need me to be happy. Sometimes when I have a bad day but I see him coming home all tired from working so hard, I know that I need to put a happy face on, go to his lap, and be the boy he needs. And then when I really need him, he drops everything for me and does whatever it takes to make sure I am ok.
That's because you are his world Emri joon and he is yours. No matter how bad my day has been, all I have to do is see my guy and the problems fade away.
DeleteThat's true. I brought him breakfast in bed this morning then we ended up hanging out there watching stuff on netflix for three hours. :) hah. Great Saturday morning
DeleteBeing a foster care kid in online school, I didn't really have a lot of friends to start with.
ReplyDeleteMost of my "friends" were much older than me. Lawyers, cops, doctors, and nurses.
It's not so bad being friends with a nurse. That's what I am. ;)
DeleteI hope you get some friends where you are at, someone outside the family. That has to be hard when you're in a tightly controlled world away from your own culture.
DeleteSounds like a long journey for you! Glad it mostly turned out well in the long run. Hopefully the friends you lost weren’t the closest ones.
ReplyDeleteSo this has a lot of sad in it. But, two things are kinda funny. Picturing your husband watching a puppet based musical. And him not liking the friends because they were rude:) I don’t blame him there.
Yes! It is going to be funny to watch his reactions.
DeleteSome of my friends were kind of obnoxious and over the top.
You described a common situation with newlyweds. Friends move in and out of our lives. Few of them are forever. I transitioned away from a group of single friends when I got married. It was hard, at first. Some reentered my life after they got married.
ReplyDeleteYour post speaks of getting together with the friends you already had. Have you made any friends since you met your husband? What do you do to meet people who are aligned with the current version of Emri? Other couples. Someone with whom you can swap recipes. A movie club.
You are a homemaker and a student and a writer. Who else around you shares these interests? Are there other housewives in your building? Are any of your husband's friends married, so you can try to form friendships with their spouses? I'm sure you are a delightful person. You are obviously bright and caring. I'm sure there are people around that would be happy to become your friend.
We have met a few couple friends but not many our age that we clicked with... or is it "cliqued" with? I never know. The problem with finding new friends on my own is that in his culture the man is the social one while the wife is the support. Plus I don't really have too many girl friends. I don't know why but I have always been more friendly with guys. Some gays have that girl friend they have for life. For me, not so much. I'm ok with how things are now though. Most of my friends are in relationships, but they don't always last that long. :)
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