I've been texting with Ollie a lot lately. It's kind of cool because recently I've come across a few guys like me who are new to dating muslim alpha guys. He texts me questions and I do my best to answer them, but honestly you can't say that one muslim alpha guy is just like the next... that would be racist or religionist or whatever it is called.
When my husband and I got married, his mom sent me a letter she had written "to his future wife." I know at the time she didn't imagine that his future wife would be male... or white... or not read Farsi... or not be muslim... etc... But here I am and she thought enough of us to pass it along anyways. It had some advice on how to deal with him, but it had some islamic scripture stuff about what a wife can expect and should require of their husband in islam.
This article has some of the advice, but there was other stuff in her list and he takes it very seriously. He is good about taking me out and trying to do things that please me.
The flip side of that, his mother did not share. I assume she thought his future wife would have been raised properly and know how to care for her husband. My husband says it comes naturally to me, that I am obedient and caring with him. He says I build him up and make him feel like a champion.
He has had to correct me, but he does it in a gentle way. Still, there are times when he has said, "I am your husband! You will obey me." That came up when I walked to the drugstore on my own without his permission, and it has come up when I wanted to go out with my friends to things he didn't approve of. He isn't a harsh guy though. He genuinely cares about my safety and well-being so I defer to him on the important things.
If I complain about him to my dad, my dad always says the same thing, "He is your husband. You are married and you should work it out with him." He isn't that helpful because he doesn't want to get involved. He knows my guy is faithful, nonviolent, and loves me so he says it is none of his business.
I do try to obey him and follow his lead and he does try to include me in decisions even when his mind is already set. He tries to not be the harsh daddy and I try to not be the whiny boy. We make it work most days and on days when it doesn't, we take a long bubble bath with candles and hold each other and talk it out.
Your relationship is truly inspirational. I love reading about your life with A. and what it looks like to be with - and take care of - an Alpha.
ReplyDeleteI wish I had an Alpha muslim guy, though at 29 I'm a little old to be a 'boy' ;-)
Btw: point 6 in the article you shared scares me a little. I hope A. never has corrected you in that way :(
He is too afraid of hurting me to use physical force. Even when we play wrestle, he is so gentle. After the one time he accidentally hurt me early on in our relationship, he has always treated me like I was made of glass.
DeleteYou would be surprised about Arab guys. I have met a few through my husband who are young fit guys into white guys over 40 and sometimes older. They view older guys very differently than the gay community here.
I think part of my birthday surprise includes travel. I overheard Zahir asking the housekeeper where my luggage disappear to, and if things were ready. I guess my Arabic is coming along. Now I feel bad, I wasn't trying to listen in. I'm not sure if I should confess to over-hearing them.
ReplyDeleteOur boss has been keeping me busy at work on little jobs so Z and the big guys can focus on the money jobs. I get to do some of the small structural designs. I am also helping design replacement/expansion structures for use in the refugee camps. Z sees how it breaks my heart seeing how little these people have. He has been taking me out a lot. I have been getting many snuggle sessions as he lifts my spirits. A good alpha daddy takes care of all his little ones NEEDS, and many of our wants.
What we have is a true symbiosis. The stronger and weaker contributing that which we can.
But like you said so well, each relationship is unique, like each person.
I hope you get an awesome surprise and some time away with just the two of you. I love being around my husband's family and I like having my dad around, but there is something really awesome about traveling with just me and him, especially when we are going with his clients or friends because he gets extra protective.
DeletePlus the whole vacation thing puts him in a relaxing mood.
It's important to understand your place in the relationship. I hate when I get comments from people about my stories that the characters need to be more "equal." It's a very US-American gay community thing. People here want to date their twin or else it's considered a fetish. I've noticed that! It's very different with guys from other parts of the world.
That sounds like a fun Thanksgiving! It's a wonderful time in NYC, with the parade and the crisp weather and the Christmas decorations. I hope your wish comes true, and you find yourself walking through Central Park in a fresh layer of snow.
ReplyDeleteEm, I can't believe I haven't posted on any of your blogs in a while, although some of your blog content we have already discussed in pm. I've been so super busy. I'm sorry.
ReplyDeleteI just finished my last shift of the week. I came home to find the bags packed and I've been directed to take a bath and sleep for a while. We have about 6 hours before our flight. I'm getting nervous now about what he has planned, but you know that I will tell you. Ha!
I got a huge correction last evening. The people I work with wanted to order out for lunch, and since I was in charge and didn't have any patients, I ran out to get the food. Apparently, when my location changed from the hospital to the restaurant at midnight totally freaked him out. He was pretty upset and I got a lecture about being away from the safety of the hospital in the middle of the night. I always forget about the tracker on my phone. :-o
Ok...bath and bed now. I don't need any more correction before the trip...