Paper gold...

We went up the coast for two days for some special unplugged time together. I had never been up to Big Sur and the central coast. it was so beautiful! We're trying to spend as much time together as we can. School is starting again in a few weeks for me and he is starting some big projects. Plus we're now going through the stuff to get him on the track to citizenship. 

The interesting thing is that the legal guy who is doing stuff asked if I'd kept a diary of our relationship, just anything helpful for the immigration people. I immediately thought of Noah's Starship... um yeah I've chronicled what we've done... heh. Well it's not 100% accurate, maybe 75%, but it is two years of us. 

But I can't use it. 

How would I explain to AT that I've written all this fantasy fiction and it all started with him? I don't know what he would think. Well yes actually I do. He would love it but he would want it all taken down. It is a pretty serious invasion of our privacy. I try to cover my trail and not use our names and actual personal information, but still... How would you feel if someone turned your relationship into a book? Wrote personal details about you? 

/\ That is me when he's checking work emails or trying to play a video game /\

😊😊😊

Work it

I went to work today! Well not a real job, but my fiancee's boss asked me to help him with his office. His husband takes me out sometimes when they are working hard and we go to lunch or shop. He always insists on paying. If you read Noah's story then it's the Karim and Mike characters. I wanted to do it for free, but he insisted on paying me. 

I've helped him clean and organize his office before. His husband doesn't like doing it. I mostly file things and get rid of things. He is kind of a hoarder so his office tends to have piles of things he doesn't need. Mostly though, I think he just likes having me there to talk to. He's a really nice older Persian guy (I think close to 50) and has been a mentor and father figure to AT (fiancee). He's always pushing me to stand up to AT more and be more demanding. 

He sees that I don't like spending money and I don't ask for things a lot like his husband does. The odd thing is that he complains about his husband (they're totally in love and have been together forever so it's not serious), but then he kind of pushes me to be more like him. His husband doesn't work really and he likes expensive things (He just got a new BMW that is so beautiful). 

He jokes about AT not wanting me to drive (I don't want to drive. I know how to, but it never interested me). He always asks about what I'm going to make AT for dinner (his husband doesn't really cook much and they eat out all the time), and the way he asks makes it sound like he wish he had someone to do those thing. I feel kind of bad for him, but AT says that's how they function and it isn't for us to judge. 

Being home this summer without taking classes makes me appreciate how hard AT works for us. I get to go on business with him and yesterday we visited with his banker and he showed me the accounts he has for our wedding, our home, our future kids, and the money he gave for my dad to hold so we could get married (It's a tradition in his culture and the law in his country to put aside money for the "bride" in case the marriage doesn't work). He really works hard for our future. 

I ramble... Anyways, I earned a paycheck today and it felt good. I boxed up some books, supplies, and things he didn't need anymore (he gets little squishy toys and things from different companies he works with) to donate. His office looked so nice afterwards and he bought me lunch. I don't know what I'm going to buy yet. I told AT I can use it to chip in on my fall tuition, but he just shook his head and said it's mine to play with. 

Struggles

Kasper's Den Ch. 09 is posted on nifty! That means Literotica should have it posted by Wednesday or Thursday since they take awhile. You can check my author's page there to see if it posts. Please remember to comment on it and/or give it 5 stars please. 4 stars brings its rating down below the hot level and so far I have 54 out of 54 posted chapters there rated as hot. How crazy is that? 

I took a big risk with this new chapter of Kasper. I have no idea if people are going to LOVE it or HATE it but either way I'm hoping to get some feedback on it. 

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Anyone who has known me for more than a month knows I commonly get in a war with common household products. The latest offender (picture is NOT me):

Yes, listerine. You have made my list. We got big bottles from Costco because that's the size they sell. TWICE now I have cut my finger trying to get the lid off. It has these jagged child safety things on the cap when I try to open it. Plus I'm just generally unsuccessful with childproof caps. 

Anytime I get into a war with a household object, AT (the fiancee) curses it and bans it. "F*%ing knife! Who dare you to hurt my boy!" or "Stuuupid Toaster to burn my love!" and now "Evil mouthwash! You go straight to the hell!" (English is not his first language) This time he offered to take the mouthwash out of the bottle and just put it in a smaller, empty water bottle, but that seems kinda weird. 

Being the highly intelligent son of an actual rocket scientist, he took some pliers though and broke off the two little tabs holding it into the childproofing edges. Pretty smart! 

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We had a pretty busy week and lots I could blog about, but I want to save some thing for the next chapter of Noah. I've started on it and I think I am going to do at least some of it from Navid's perspective. 

It's funny though. I realized that whenever I write a Noah chapter and I make notes about what is different in the story vs my real relationship, I get people trying to call me out as a fake for weird stuff. Like when I didn't know where Dallas was (I seriously didn't know, sorry people of Dallas!). So I think from here on out I'm just going to leave it and not put author's notes or try to help figure out the fact and fiction. It is what it is and why someone would read ten or twenty chapters of a story and then decide to call me out on something, I'll never know... and maybe that's ok. 

Her

My dad moved to California two decades ago to follow my mom who was pregnant with me. She just kind of disappeared on him and then he found her with friends out here. That's what he's done since he was a freshman in high school, tried to find her and pin her down. She’s the love of his life, the one he can never get.

I don't have much to do with her. If you read Noah's Starship you know the story there. I spent my childhood with my dad over-compensating for her leaving and assuring me that it has nothing to do with me. He says he wanted me from the moment he found out she was pregnant and only followed her to get to me. He says a lot of things that good dads would say because he's a good dad and always has been. But I know he still looks for her and tries to talk to her.

He's always said I remind him of her. The way I look, the way I hide inside when I'm upset, the way I love an egg sandwich on sourdough bread with nothing on it.

He is in touch with some of her family, and he tries to find her through them. He says things like "Oh well "Emri" [my author name] got all A's on his report card (back when I was in school)" or "Emri's made the honor roll," etc... They pass it along to her or tell him how to get in touch with her and sometimes she responds. We have a very short, very awkward phone conversation and she just apologizes and I tell her it's fine, then he gets to talk to her.

It's been awhile though. But apparently she has resurfaced and he found her and of course me being engaged is something he “wants to share with her.” I don’t want her there and I don’t think she would ever come. She's never been weird about the gay thing. That's never been an issue.

Woah. I'm realizing this might be the root of my anxiety about AT (“Navid”) leaving. I know he isn't going to leave me, but... It's always somewhere in my head. He doesn't get upset with me when I bring it up. It's almost like he's surprised and assures me he's not going anywhere. My dad says he looks at me with the same look my dad has for my mom. Like I'm his the one. He’s very supportive of us.

I have to get over that… work through it… be a better me.

Where was I going with this? I don’t know. Here's a bunny in the snow.

The ring...

This happened yesterday morning but it never posted! It just sat here in a minimized window. haha sorry. I forgot to hit publish: 

I should totally save this for the next chapter of Noah's Starship, but I can't!! I'm so excited. Plus I had to write it down as soon as it finished so I wouldn't forget anything.

Ok so quick catch-up or is it ketchup? I talk to "Navid"'s dad a lot. He was majorly helping me with science and math stuff this year. He is in Iran so we use the video chat on the computer. But since the semester is over I haven't talked to him nearly as much. Last night when he talked to his son (my fiancee), he said he wanted to talk to me and so they set up a time this morning.

But now I have the ring I got for engagement and I asked if I should take it off. "Navid" said no. His parents know about us so why try to hide this.

So his dad! We talked when I got back from the gym and I was wearing the ring.He asked about it. I was freaking out. I kind of stuttered and was like “Um “Navid”… gave it to me.” Then he nodded with this serious look and paused then said “It is very nice, a very nice ring for you.”

Then he asked me, “So what do you think of this ring? Is something you want?” But it was like he wasn’t asking about the ring, but about the marriage.

I said “Oh it’s the best thing I ever got... I love it... It’s perfect.” So he just nodded silently while I floundered with words but he looked like he was thinking.

THEN he was all “Do you think you will want it forever? Maybe it is just something you will want for now, but later find one of your own to give to a wife?”  My heart was pounding like crazy.

I said. “Yes sir. It’s something I’ll never take off as long as he wants me to have it. It’s more than I ever dreamed I could have.”

He just nodded again like he was processing it. He said, “You are still so young. You could change your mind someday when you grow to be a man.”

I said. “I don’t think so, sir. I can’t imagine going a second of my life without it. It hurts to even think about that.”

And that was it. He just smiled a little and said, “Ok. I’m happy you love it so much. It is a beautiful ring.”

OMG couldn’t you just like piss yourself thinking about that?? I was so nervous! I mean it’s his dad and I don’t know. I just felt like he was actually giving his blessing for it like saying Ok I just want to know you are for sure about this. I mean “Navid” is his boy, his rough and tumble army boy sports jock alpha guy that he raised to be a provider, a father, a good man. And it almost had this layer of like he was saying “Please don’t hurt him.” It's as if he knows how much his son loves me and he was just more than being ok with us being together and getting married. It was him saying he wanted to make sure I knew what I was getting into.

How crazy is that?!?!? I have to call him, but he’s in a lunch meeting. I don’t know what he is going to think about this. I just needed to write it down. OMG!

oral fixation

Yesterday I was waiting around for AT (the boyfriend, "Navid" in the Noah series... Oh and now officially my fiancee).  He is new car shopping and we were at a place in Beverly Hills (the center of  the Persian world in the US).

AT had me try out the front passenger seat with the things he says I do in the car. He put the seat all the way back and had me test out a nap, then he had me lean over the center console and put my head on his shoulder. I had to sit up and type his text messages while he dictated and I cleaned up his English. It was funny and the sales guy was of course very accommodating. I didn't realize how much AT knows about me and my habits. He surprises me sometimes with information like that. He is really smart when it comes to me.

So I was waiting in the little coffee area while he was going over the details/negotiations. He came out to check on me and I had my earbuds in listening to music. He started laughing at me.

He said, "Why does your generation all do that?" I asked what he meant and he explained that for some reason we all put the microphone between our lips. He says he sees it all the time with younger guys, and even his little brother back in Iran does the same thing.

So it's this part, the part circled in the diagram. Apparently we all put it across our lips when the earbuds are in.

I can't find a picture online of people doing that, but I see it all the time! I didn't really think about it, but I used to always chew on the ends of the strings on my hoodies. I think I put that in one of my stories, maybe Kasper... 

I just thought it was funny that he said "Your generation" like we are in different age brackets. I mean he is 9 years older. It's not like he's my dad's age. He notices stuff like that though. 

crazy heat wave

It's always so sad when I work super hard on a chapter and get no response. It happens a lot with Noah since I'm 21 chapters into it. Then I let it sit for awhile with no update and I get a lot of feedback asking why I stopped working on it. Another writer told me once his series like that get established, he only updates them once every two-three months and gets better response. 

Oh well. Now I'm back to Kasper. I have a good idea for this chapter! I have no idea how people are going to take it, but I tried to incorporate some of the interesting ideas I get from readers. I got a lot of emails saying they wanted to see Kasper with Mr. Hamad. Well I can't exactly do that for several reasons:

A) Kasper is his son's boyfriend and Mr. Hamad wouldn't do thart to him. 
B) Emi and Ali are the original couple and they will be together forever with no one else. 

But I think I can do something as exciting. 

On a side note, it hit 110 degrees yesterday in my neighborhood. "Navid" came home at lunchtime and finished up his work here. Today we're going to stay inside and watch movies. It's supposed to be over 110 today. 

SOOOOO Hot! 

Happiness

Ok so July 4th was a roller coaster! 

First off, Los Angeles is the capital of illegal fireworks. SO many people just shoot them off in the streets. If you've never seen it, it's wild. Apparently it's not like that in other cities that are more civilized. XD. You can imagine what it sounds like from the streets. Constant popping for three or four nights: 

Yesterday we went to two different parties. The first one made me sad, the second made me happier than anything ever has. 

We went to a pool party with friends of "Navid." It was fun and not too hot, but there was this younger hispanic couple. They were maybe a year or two older than me (I say that because one of them said he had finished his business degree). 

Then this older couple, maybe 30's or early 40's were talking about them because they were pretty cute together. The guys were in the pool and the younger couple was kissing, playing around. One of the older guys said, "Aww, young love." And they talked about it. How nice it was. 

Nobody ever said that about me and "Navid." It was one of those random comments that just hit me wrong. I couldn't stop thinking about it. 

I know we are nearly 10 years apart, and he does look older than me... I just thought "Hmm, no one is ever going to say that about us." They said it about guys that are older than me... I don't know. It just got me thinking. No one's ever going to say that about us. I like being with a mature, masculine, muscled Persian guy. He is my dream. I guess... there's just always tradeoffs to not being with someone my own age... I don't know. Its hard to describe. 

It just got me thinking and I'm dangerous to myself when I think too much... 

So Party number two was a house up in the hills to watch the fireworks. 

He was holding me from behind while we watched and I felt his bulge. I was like "Oh, he's hard." He usually gets like that when we're in close contact, we both do. 

So then he kept rubbing it against me, and I was like "What the what??" I reached back to feel it and it felt weird. It wasn't his um... part. 

I asked him what it was and he said "Hmm, you should see." 

The rest you can guess. It was a ring in a box and he got down in front of me with the fireworks behind us and proposed. It is so perfect, A perfect silver band with a ring of little diamonds inside. It's masculine, not some flashy ring a lady would wear. It's 

I'm going to have to do a whole chapter about it. Happiness 

He wants to do it soon. 

More of what LA does: 

July 4th

We are heading to a pool party and then fireworks tonight. I can't wait! I'm waiting for "Navid" to finish up his emails and get ready. He's being lazy this morning. 

Things with Noah chptr. 21 are coming a long slowly. I'm struggling with the sex scene. 21 chapters in it is kind of difficult to keep making it exciting that the same two people are having sex. 

I love what we do together and we always try new things, but that is hard to put into words and I get a lot of feedback that it is boring and they should sleep with other people or at least show other people having sex. 

The reality is that "Navid" would never expose me or my body to other people nor would he let me sit and watch while other people get it on. He thinks sex is a private thing just between us. I totally agree and I love what we do. 

So I'm kind of putting in a fantasy sex scene to this next chapter. It's a stretch. It's hard to write a reality based series that doesn't get stale. right? I mean we've been together 2 years now and never wanted anyone else. I hope it's that way forever. I hope his is the only sex I ever know. 

I am SO OBSESSED with this song: 

Noah's Conflict

Working on chapter 21 of Noah. I am like 3/4 finished. I just need a good sex scene which gets kind of odd after 20 chapters of them enjoying each other. I am going to add some kinky stuff. Got to spice things up. I get some readers demanding that Noah and Navid sleep with other people to keep it interesting... but no they would never do that. How would I even write that chapter? I would get death threats.

We had a crazy week! "Navid" insisted on bringing me along on his business trips because I'm off from school and he likes having me with him. It's also because he was driving across LA a lot and he can use the carpool lane with me there. That may sound ridiculous, but if you've ever had to go 40-50 miles in a city like LA, you would totally get it.

We have been going to Orange County a lot for his work. He has a lot of clients down there. He really wants us to move. The weather is better and he gets more work down there. He knows there's no way I would move far from my dad like that. It's only an hour, but still... This is my home.

He even tried to bribe me with an Angels hat because I like their logo with the little "a." He says I would like it down there.

That's all the exciting news for now. I'll update when I finish Noah and then what should I write? I really do get requests to write another chapter of Cage Cock Cairo. I don't know.