Growing Up

So I am starting to figure out how this whole adult thing works. 

Over the Christmas break, I had several little incidents with my husband that really bothered me. A few times, someone would ask me a question and my husband would interrupt and laugh then say, "Why you ask this to him? Emri does not know this." or "My Emri does not know these things. He is just a boy." 

It was usually questions about our schedule or upcoming events or other life plans. 

I got into it with my husband and he seemed surprised that I was offended. He said, "You do not wish to be an adult! I am happy with you being a simple one. This is what you want. Yes?" 

He told me he got this message because every time he tries to talk to me about bills or accounts or our investments I get a dazed look and ignore him. He showed me the file he has showed me before that has all the instructions on what to do if he dies. It has who to call and all the important information. 

He said he thought I didn't want to know any of this stuff or handle anything and he is happy to handle it for me. 

We had some important talks. I am finishing school soon and I want to not be a total dope about our life together. He said it would help him greatly if I could keep an eye on the house bills and manage the travel plans. He said it would let him focus more on his business knowing I was handling the home things. 

So this week I have paid the electricity and cable/internet bill. He is giving me little assignments. Every day I check the bank and credit card accounts and send him a summary all together in one email. I note any new charges or deposits and what they were for. 

Today I booked a hotel for us on the beach in San Diego for a nice weekend. He showed me how to use the points and then call the hotel to make sure we get the view we want. I am learning his logins for things and they are saved in my phone. 

He said that after I graduate, I could help out with his business since it is the source of our income. He said it would allow me time to write and clean and cook for us. I feel good about it. It's a step in the right direction. 

He also agreed to let me answer a question from his family without interrupting and making me feel small. Positive steps... 👼

January 13th

We are getting back to normal here. Lots of holiday travel. Texas was good. 

So my Lukas story got reported. I kinda knew it was coming because the chapters got more and more explicit. I kept pushing the boundaries and I guess someone thought it needed to be labeled as mature. The later chapters are definitely mature, but the first twenty or so are heavily edited... but whatever. 

Things are good with me and the husband. Now that we are back home we have some space again. 

The problem is that he has no need for space from me. If it were up to him, I would just stay at his side at all times. For me, I need some room. It's hard to write or blog or be creative when he is right next to me. Now we are home and he is working and driving around LA so I have some home time. 

The worst was last week when we went for business up in northern california. The room he booked was at an old hotel in San Francisco where the rooms are tiny. Not only were we together all day and night, but we were together in a small space. :) 

I shouldn't complain. He loves me like crazy and takes care of me and works to make a nice life for me... but I need some room to breathe sometimes. 

School is starting again next week. I should be finishing my degree this summer. That is crazy. I feel like I have been a college student forever. 

I am working on the Tabula Colton series on Wattpad. I labeled it mature ahead of time. It limits exposure to the series, but I guess it is good to do that. 

Happy New Year. 

Monday in Texas

I am so in love with my parent-in-laws. 

My mother-in-law did the sweetest thing. She had some pictures of us (me and husband) printed and hung them up in the bedroom we use when we are here in their home. She even framed the picture we took on our wedding day (the small, quick wedding because I was over trying to plan a big event). She put it on the dresser in our room. She said this is our place and wants us to feel at home. So sweet. 

His dad! Ok so my father-in-law is pushing my husband to teach me to drive and get me a car. I have no urge to drive. Maybe it's my generation, but we just aren't car people, at least not in LA. 

My husband does NOT like being told what to do with me. That is the one area of his life where he will push back on influence from his parents. When it comes to me, he likes to handle his boy. But he had been telling his dad that he was teaching me to drive. That was not true. 

So my FIL gave me the keys to his car and said "Why don't you drive it out of the driveway and then you can drive us up to the big road." They live on a small road that is like a long street that ends in a cul-de-sac where they are at the end

I looked at my husband with panic so he jumped in and said, "He is not used to your car. Is too big for him. He will be too nervous and damage things.  Is not for tiny boy." (FIL has a huge SUV)

That worked. Then we were driving to dinner and FIL asked what kind of car I will get. I don't know cars and car brands.  My husband only gets Lexus so I said Lexus. 

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Thanksgiving in Texas is going well. We went to the gym today and then went to a Persian market to get things his mom needed. His mom sent us to the one she goes to, but when we got close to it the neighborhood looked really sketchy! 

My husband said, "This is not a place for you!" That's what he says when a neighborhood does not look safe. It was an old shopping center on a busy street with run down apartments around it. It looked like the bad parts of the San Fernando Valley. Wide, crumbling boulevards stuffed with old apartments and payday lending businesses. 

The market was decent. It was mostly Arab people and I stuck by my husband and followed him. 

Usually he zones out in a grocery store. He pushes the cart and plays with his phone while I fill it with what we need. He only looks up when it is time to put his card in the little pay machine at checkout. But this time I was the cart pusher since I had no idea how to read what she wrote or how to read any of the packages. He guided us through it and did all the talking. 

We made it out ok. I didn't realize just how big of a Middle Eastern population this area has. I was definitely the one who stuck out. 

Texas and Colton

Well we are in Texas! We flew in and we'll be here for at least this week. I am excited. His family has big plans for their first Thanksgiving here. His mom is going to make a feast. 

Also. I started retooling Tabula Colton for Wattpad. Please check it out if you want to see what I do with it. Also please vote on each chapter so I can feel better about myself. hahahaha. 

Steven R McQueen is my Colton. Henry Golding is my Mr. Takada. :) 

In the original series I kind of got off track with side characters. I want to bring it back and rework the ending of it. Also I am going to add an ending! haha. The story never really had one on nifty. 

Anyways! Lots of relaxing family time should help my husband with stress. He is going to cut back on the work next week. Our flight was quick and uneventful. I slept, he typed, plane flew. 

Awkward Gym!

We went to the gym this morning. My husband got SO upset! 

I was running on a treadmill and this hot guy with a gym nametag came over and introduced himself. 

I got scared and I took my earbud out and slowed my run. Then he starts asking me what kind of workout I usually do. 

Me: Umm. Just this stuff and yoga usually. 

Him: Ahh yeah. Have you thought about weights? 

Me: No, just the freeweights at home usually. 

Him: I could totally show you some routines and help you bulk up some! Have you had sessions with a trainer before? 

So I realize he is a trainer trying to sell me sessions. I've never had that happen at our gym. Then he asks if my parents have a plan for it. I realize he thinks I'm a teenager. 

My husband comes over in a rush looking heated. He shooed the guy away politely but he looked really upset. The whole thing was so uncomfortable! I told my husband he was just trying to sell training packages. So husband talked to the manager about interrupting people's workouts to sell things. The manager said that's not their policy and apologized. Then we left. 

So I guess we won't be back to that gym. It wasn't the one we usually go to. It was really awkward. 

My husband said, "He tries to sell more than plan. He has eyes. I know those eyes!" 

So I gave him a nice massage when we got home. He gets so worked up over that stuff. 

He said, "I do not want my boy bothered like this. He need to be train better!" 

Happy Saturday! :) 

Updates

So this week we got some bad news from the doctor. My husband needs to take a step back from his constant work craziness. It is aging him and giving him health problems he shouldn't be facing at 31. 

He didn't tell me at first. We went for his checkup and he and the doctor were talking in Farsi because of course we must have a Persian doctor! :)  

He has to take it easier. He has to take less business and turn over more to the two assistants he's been pretty rough on. He says they do good work, but it's not his level. 

He said, "It's hard. There is SO much opportunity here. It is so easy to make money in this country if you put in the work! In Iran you are born into a class and there is not the ease to move up. People get jobs and opportunity at birth. This country has every possibility." 

I am trying my best to learn new massage techniques to help him relax. He loves that I am trying them out on him. Last night we watched our first holiday movie. We'll get a tree when we get back from Thanksgiving in Texas. 

He normally doesn't open up to me about stress. I had to get him naked, under the covers, with just a soft lamp glow before he'd tell me. He said it is so hard to say no to all the dollars flying around and deals keep popping up. He wants to give me this magical high priced life that we really don't need. 

I told him I could get a job since I'll finish my degree soon. 

Him: I will not have my boy working! What kind of man can't provide the life his family deserve?

Me: I don't care about having this big house. I want a long life together, not a Gucci one. I don't want you killing yourself trying to buy me junk I don't need. I'd be ok in an apartment if it meant you had peace. 

Him: You don't know the life you gave me. I was ready to head home to Iran. I'd be there now, married to an older woman with a good job and I'd try to have a Persian version of you on the side. I never thought I could have this and it is so hard to not give it my everything, to give you my everything. 

I know he is so happy to have his parents here and his other brothers should be coming in a few years when the immigration thing cools down. 

He agreed to set actual work hours for himself and rely on his assistants more. He said he has made good investments with the profits so we have funds for his retirement and our future kids. 

He is going to try and turn off work by 7 each night and dedicate more time to relaxing, watching movies, and playing his video games with his friends. And we plan to use our Disneyland passes more frequently. It's nice to just go for dinner and walk. We easily do 4-5 miles in an evening and talk about things. 

He is also going to try and actually work out when we go to the gym instead of just doing the minimum on the machines and socializing with people. 

It's funny. Every time we go to the gym he makes new friends. He will start doing reps but then some other muscle hunk will talk to him and by the time I finish he's lost time.  

He's said this stuff before. I hope he can do it. I need him; not the money or house or trips or financial stuff. 

I love making artistic covers for the Lukas chapters! So cool! :) 

Halloween!

We are exhausted! So many trick-or-treaters came to our house. We opened the front gate and put a lighted sign that said "Candy" with an arrow pointing at our house. 

We didn't think many people would come. We live up in the hills and it is big houses with lots of older people. But the people from the packed in neighborhoods below us come up to the hills for the good candy so we had a ton of people! Thankfully my husband insisted on buying lots of candy just in case. We figured we'd just load kids up if not many came. 

It was a HOT dad parade!! OMG. Down below us there are a lot of Arab and Persian and Asian families and some of those dads! Wow! And when did dads start wearing hot costumes? We had dads in tight body suits and dads in muscle shirts and capes. I would say at least 1 of every 5th trick-or-treater brought some dad candy. :) 

My husband made lots of new friends. I handed out lots of candy to the kids and kept saying, "Take an extra one for your daddy!" hahaha. Of course I said NONE of this to my husband. 

We both dressed up. I was an Angels player and he did Batman. He looks pretty hot too. :)  We gave out five big bags of candy. That's almost 1000 pieces! We still have a bowl left so husband will take it to work tomorrow. I had one small bag of M&Ms. He had... quite a few. 

Book Review and Related Conversations

This book! This book! I read it in 2 days flat and it is a heartbreaking, brutally honest look at growing up with an abusive parent. The Dangerous Art of Blending In 

17 year old Evan Panos lives in a small town in Illinois with his greek immigrant parents. His mother has mental issues and has beaten him since childhood to get the demons out and make him right with God. His father, a handsome Greek baker, seems frozen and unable to help. 

The story follows a series of disappointing bystanders as Evan tries again and again to get help only to be pushed back to his abuser. 

Things get weirder when his best friend Henry comes back from summer and has turned into a muscle hunk who confesses his love for Evan. Evan loves him too and yet that doesn't really fix things. 

Sounds like a book you don't want to read, right? Oh but it's good! 

The author, a design star on several cable shows I have never seen, reveals it is his own story. 

There is so much to say about this book! 

I related to having issues with a mother since mine left pretty early on. I talked to my dad about it. I don't remember much of being with her. I remember a lot of happy meals at the park. 

I remember her yelling at me for not finishing my food because she had finished her cigarette and wanted to go. I'd start to tear up and she'd feel bad and yell at herself then tell me I was ok and not to listen to her. 

She'd say, "Mean mommy, right?" Then I'd tell her, "No, mommy. You're not mean." 

Then she'd call a friend or my dad or someone on her phone so I could just sit there and play with the happy meal toy while I slowly worked through the chicken nuggets. She had this silver flip phone she'd never let me touch. 

"Did she ever hit me?" I asked my dad this. I don't recall it. She wasn't cut out to be a mom, but she also wasn't cut out to be abusive. 

"God no! Her parents hit her plenty. She worried she would too. As far as I know she never did. Why? Did you suddenly have a memory of that or something?" He looked concerned when he said this, but I could tell he was being honest. He didn't look away. Whatever my dad's faults, he is always ready to step up and make sure I am ok. 

Evan's mother, in the book, calls him a poo-sti, the greek word for the gay f word. 

I asked my husband what the Persian word for it is. He doesn't like to talk about those things. He wouldn't tell me. 

I asked him if his parents had ever hit him. He said "Yes, of course! Persian parents are tough." I made him promise he'd never do that to our kids. He said of course he wouldn't. He said they will have the happy, soft childhood I had, but with two parents. 

My husband has decided I need to read happier books! This one was pretty rough, but so beautiful and Evan is such an endearing character who just keeps going. I'd never have the guts to take one of my characters through such a rough story arc. It's just not part of my history. 

Thirsty Bears are after my husband!

First of all, Lukas is blowing up on Wattpad! I am so happy it is taking off. Please go read and vote for each chapter if you have the time and are bored. Please!! 

https://www.wattpad.com/story/193929654-lukas-the-lion

It is topping out in a few categories. Nothing super big, but still so exciting. 

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Today we went to the gym. We like this one in Orange where the cardio is facing the weights area all on one level. Most of the gyms have the cardio on one floor and the weights on another. 

This setup means he can do his weights and pop his head up to see me. It also means he isn't texting me every five minutes while I'm trying to run. 

Anyways!! So it was half empty when we went today and I was watching him do his routine while I was running. 

I notice these two bear gays come in. They start hovering around the weights then they spot my husband doing the pull-up bar. He looks AMAZING on the pull-up bar and his tank top slides up and his tummy is just the best. It's not a six pack right now, but it is very cute, especially with the waistband of his underwear showing as his shorts slide down.... yum. 

These guys start doing their weights, but they are staring him down like thirsty thirsty guys! Then he moved over to chest press and they follow and get a nearby machine. They were talking to each other, but watching him, probably discussing the dirty things they would want to do with my husband. 

It was funny to watch because my guy had no idea they were scoping him hard! I was watching with enjoyment until one of them took out his phone and discretely took some shots of him (I assumed that's what they were doing). 

I texted my husband to let him know. He looked up at me with a raised eyebrow and I pointed his attention towards them. He just laughed and then he went over and made friends with them. He helped them do some weights and they were drooling over him big time. 

We laughed about it on the way home. He never sees when guys just drool over him. 

I pointed out that if two guys were doing that to me he would have flown into a rage and stomped over to me to tear into them. 

"Of course I will protect you! But you have no need to be jealous for me." He was flattered that I got jealous. 

In his thinking there is no danger of him being flirted with, but it is not ok for me. In his thinking I am a helpless, defenseless little innocent who will be taken by a stronger man. He says he is capable of defending himself if someone tries to force themselves on him, but I am not. I must be protected and not bothered by evil men with dirty things in their heads.