keedz

I saw this hot guy at the grocery store today with a little 2 yr old in his cart. He looked like he just came from the gym and they were talking about what to make for dinner. He sounded straight, I don’t know. It just got me daydreaming how nice that would be to be out and pushing a cart with a kid and shopping, talking about what to make for dinner when Baba (Persian word for dad) gets home from work. They were so cute.

I know our plan is to wait until I finish school and I'm already stressed enough being a full time student and taking care of our home. I also know that AT (the fiancee) is very very ready to start a family with me. He gets very happy when I bring up having kids. I never understood it before we got together, but now I can see his excitement.

I can see us going around the park or at the grocery store with a baby strapped to my chest. I can see us finding couple friends who have similar aged kids.

I know me finishing school first is non negotiable. AT promised my dad that I would finish and he would pay for it. He is very much a guy who keeps his word, and it's always good to have a college degree in case something happens to him or us and I have to support the family.

But... But... But I want one.

I'm also going to have to learn how to drive and we'll need a car, and a bigger house.

Yesterday I went with AT for work. He had some meetings and some reports to prepare. We ended up way down in Orange County and he showed me a few houses and neighborhoods he likes. They were in very safe, quiet areas. He definitely wants to get us down there before we have kids.

The Playlist

Writing is going a little slower these days. We've had some pretty big events this summer and I want to get them right. 

I am all about Mura Masa these days. I changed out some of the songs in our sex playlist. I am so in love with this song and the video is bomb: 

The gay couple in the video kind of reminds me of me and the fiancee, just the size difference between us. He is taller but not crazy tall and bulkier, muscular. But when he stands over me like that and I just feel surrounded by him. And that poor Japanese girl. I want to hug her. 

Lovesick is another good one. I expect big things from this guy. 

The rules for our sex playlist is that we can only remove songs we added and it has to be at least somewhat half and half of us. It's kind of funny when I add a new song and he like stops and nods his head and listens to see if he likes it. 

Most of my music is like get down to it beats. His style is more sweet tender love and a lot of Persian stuff. Sometimes it's a slow Persian song that is soulful and he'll stop and look down at me and sing in his deep, flat tone. He's not the best, but for me it's just so perfect. 

The thing about sex playlist is that there is only one situation in which we can play it. So it's no good in the car or for cleaning or other things. You have to save those songs. Ok back to writing Noah.  

Rulers of the HOA

This cracks me up. So AT (the fiancee) is the king of our little development. Everyone comes to him with their issues and he gives advice or helps them solve it. He reviews all the bills and checks for our HOA and gets things fixed. 

There's mostly older people where we live and a few young singles who are never around. AT, being the natural charmer and buff guy that he is, is the only one who knows everyone and helps them work together. There's an older lady who lives right across from us and she's retired. He brings her a pack of cigarettes sometimes and she adores him so she watches our house all day. Nothing much happens, but she will text him and when we get packages she'll grab them until he gets home. 

The funny thing is that sometimes I run across people like when I'm going to gym or the mailbox and they'll want me to pass along something to him. They approach me with this respect that I'm not used to. It's like they really want AT to think highly of them. He doesn't do anything other than talk to people or smooth things over so it's not like he's some angry overlord. I just think it's funny. Like I'm some kind of powerful person. 

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I'm working on Ch. 22 of Noah. I'm 1/4 of the way through. I think after this chapter I'm going to take a break from writing. We have a wedding to plan for and then classes are going to start for me. Plus he is really trying to push me to be ok with moving to the OC. 

AT is saying it would be nice to start 2018 with a new and bigger place. Even worse is that now my dad is thinking he might move with us which negates my excuse for not wanting to go because my dad would be far away. They talked about it and AT says my dad could stay with us and save money until he could get his own place if he wants to. I would actually love to have my dad there. 

So I'm kind of out of excuses... I have to face the truth that I just really hate change. 

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Yesterday our internet went down. I texted him and he came home after work and tried to fix it. He looked so hot crawling around on the floor trying to rework things. He got home and had his suit on, but as he tried to fool with the internet stuff he kept removing his clothes once piece at a time. Finally he was just crawling on the floor in a pair of blue boxer briefs that had my full attention. He looks so hot when he's in fix-it mode. I am definitely going to get him a tool belt to wear around the house.  He always acts surprised when I get turned on by him. Like he doesn't realize how hot he is. He's a good man. 

Paper gold...

We went up the coast for two days for some special unplugged time together. I had never been up to Big Sur and the central coast. it was so beautiful! We're trying to spend as much time together as we can. School is starting again in a few weeks for me and he is starting some big projects. Plus we're now going through the stuff to get him on the track to citizenship. 

The interesting thing is that the legal guy who is doing stuff asked if I'd kept a diary of our relationship, just anything helpful for the immigration people. I immediately thought of Noah's Starship... um yeah I've chronicled what we've done... heh. Well it's not 100% accurate, maybe 75%, but it is two years of us. 

But I can't use it. 

How would I explain to AT that I've written all this fantasy fiction and it all started with him? I don't know what he would think. Well yes actually I do. He would love it but he would want it all taken down. It is a pretty serious invasion of our privacy. I try to cover my trail and not use our names and actual personal information, but still... How would you feel if someone turned your relationship into a book? Wrote personal details about you? 

/\ That is me when he's checking work emails or trying to play a video game /\

😊😊😊

Work it

I went to work today! Well not a real job, but my fiancee's boss asked me to help him with his office. His husband takes me out sometimes when they are working hard and we go to lunch or shop. He always insists on paying. If you read Noah's story then it's the Karim and Mike characters. I wanted to do it for free, but he insisted on paying me. 

I've helped him clean and organize his office before. His husband doesn't like doing it. I mostly file things and get rid of things. He is kind of a hoarder so his office tends to have piles of things he doesn't need. Mostly though, I think he just likes having me there to talk to. He's a really nice older Persian guy (I think close to 50) and has been a mentor and father figure to AT (fiancee). He's always pushing me to stand up to AT more and be more demanding. 

He sees that I don't like spending money and I don't ask for things a lot like his husband does. The odd thing is that he complains about his husband (they're totally in love and have been together forever so it's not serious), but then he kind of pushes me to be more like him. His husband doesn't work really and he likes expensive things (He just got a new BMW that is so beautiful). 

He jokes about AT not wanting me to drive (I don't want to drive. I know how to, but it never interested me). He always asks about what I'm going to make AT for dinner (his husband doesn't really cook much and they eat out all the time), and the way he asks makes it sound like he wish he had someone to do those thing. I feel kind of bad for him, but AT says that's how they function and it isn't for us to judge. 

Being home this summer without taking classes makes me appreciate how hard AT works for us. I get to go on business with him and yesterday we visited with his banker and he showed me the accounts he has for our wedding, our home, our future kids, and the money he gave for my dad to hold so we could get married (It's a tradition in his culture and the law in his country to put aside money for the "bride" in case the marriage doesn't work). He really works hard for our future. 

I ramble... Anyways, I earned a paycheck today and it felt good. I boxed up some books, supplies, and things he didn't need anymore (he gets little squishy toys and things from different companies he works with) to donate. His office looked so nice afterwards and he bought me lunch. I don't know what I'm going to buy yet. I told AT I can use it to chip in on my fall tuition, but he just shook his head and said it's mine to play with. 

Struggles

Kasper's Den Ch. 09 is posted on nifty! That means Literotica should have it posted by Wednesday or Thursday since they take awhile. You can check my author's page there to see if it posts. Please remember to comment on it and/or give it 5 stars please. 4 stars brings its rating down below the hot level and so far I have 54 out of 54 posted chapters there rated as hot. How crazy is that? 

I took a big risk with this new chapter of Kasper. I have no idea if people are going to LOVE it or HATE it but either way I'm hoping to get some feedback on it. 

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Anyone who has known me for more than a month knows I commonly get in a war with common household products. The latest offender (picture is NOT me):

Yes, listerine. You have made my list. We got big bottles from Costco because that's the size they sell. TWICE now I have cut my finger trying to get the lid off. It has these jagged child safety things on the cap when I try to open it. Plus I'm just generally unsuccessful with childproof caps. 

Anytime I get into a war with a household object, AT (the fiancee) curses it and bans it. "F*%ing knife! Who dare you to hurt my boy!" or "Stuuupid Toaster to burn my love!" and now "Evil mouthwash! You go straight to the hell!" (English is not his first language) This time he offered to take the mouthwash out of the bottle and just put it in a smaller, empty water bottle, but that seems kinda weird. 

Being the highly intelligent son of an actual rocket scientist, he took some pliers though and broke off the two little tabs holding it into the childproofing edges. Pretty smart! 

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We had a pretty busy week and lots I could blog about, but I want to save some thing for the next chapter of Noah. I've started on it and I think I am going to do at least some of it from Navid's perspective. 

It's funny though. I realized that whenever I write a Noah chapter and I make notes about what is different in the story vs my real relationship, I get people trying to call me out as a fake for weird stuff. Like when I didn't know where Dallas was (I seriously didn't know, sorry people of Dallas!). So I think from here on out I'm just going to leave it and not put author's notes or try to help figure out the fact and fiction. It is what it is and why someone would read ten or twenty chapters of a story and then decide to call me out on something, I'll never know... and maybe that's ok. 

Her

My dad moved to California two decades ago to follow my mom who was pregnant with me. She just kind of disappeared on him and then he found her with friends out here. That's what he's done since he was a freshman in high school, tried to find her and pin her down. She’s the love of his life, the one he can never get.

I don't have much to do with her. If you read Noah's Starship you know the story there. I spent my childhood with my dad over-compensating for her leaving and assuring me that it has nothing to do with me. He says he wanted me from the moment he found out she was pregnant and only followed her to get to me. He says a lot of things that good dads would say because he's a good dad and always has been. But I know he still looks for her and tries to talk to her.

He's always said I remind him of her. The way I look, the way I hide inside when I'm upset, the way I love an egg sandwich on sourdough bread with nothing on it.

He is in touch with some of her family, and he tries to find her through them. He says things like "Oh well "Emri" [my author name] got all A's on his report card (back when I was in school)" or "Emri's made the honor roll," etc... They pass it along to her or tell him how to get in touch with her and sometimes she responds. We have a very short, very awkward phone conversation and she just apologizes and I tell her it's fine, then he gets to talk to her.

It's been awhile though. But apparently she has resurfaced and he found her and of course me being engaged is something he “wants to share with her.” I don’t want her there and I don’t think she would ever come. She's never been weird about the gay thing. That's never been an issue.

Woah. I'm realizing this might be the root of my anxiety about AT (“Navid”) leaving. I know he isn't going to leave me, but... It's always somewhere in my head. He doesn't get upset with me when I bring it up. It's almost like he's surprised and assures me he's not going anywhere. My dad says he looks at me with the same look my dad has for my mom. Like I'm his the one. He’s very supportive of us.

I have to get over that… work through it… be a better me.

Where was I going with this? I don’t know. Here's a bunny in the snow.

The ring...

This happened yesterday morning but it never posted! It just sat here in a minimized window. haha sorry. I forgot to hit publish: 

I should totally save this for the next chapter of Noah's Starship, but I can't!! I'm so excited. Plus I had to write it down as soon as it finished so I wouldn't forget anything.

Ok so quick catch-up or is it ketchup? I talk to "Navid"'s dad a lot. He was majorly helping me with science and math stuff this year. He is in Iran so we use the video chat on the computer. But since the semester is over I haven't talked to him nearly as much. Last night when he talked to his son (my fiancee), he said he wanted to talk to me and so they set up a time this morning.

But now I have the ring I got for engagement and I asked if I should take it off. "Navid" said no. His parents know about us so why try to hide this.

So his dad! We talked when I got back from the gym and I was wearing the ring.He asked about it. I was freaking out. I kind of stuttered and was like “Um “Navid”… gave it to me.” Then he nodded with this serious look and paused then said “It is very nice, a very nice ring for you.”

Then he asked me, “So what do you think of this ring? Is something you want?” But it was like he wasn’t asking about the ring, but about the marriage.

I said “Oh it’s the best thing I ever got... I love it... It’s perfect.” So he just nodded silently while I floundered with words but he looked like he was thinking.

THEN he was all “Do you think you will want it forever? Maybe it is just something you will want for now, but later find one of your own to give to a wife?”  My heart was pounding like crazy.

I said. “Yes sir. It’s something I’ll never take off as long as he wants me to have it. It’s more than I ever dreamed I could have.”

He just nodded again like he was processing it. He said, “You are still so young. You could change your mind someday when you grow to be a man.”

I said. “I don’t think so, sir. I can’t imagine going a second of my life without it. It hurts to even think about that.”

And that was it. He just smiled a little and said, “Ok. I’m happy you love it so much. It is a beautiful ring.”

OMG couldn’t you just like piss yourself thinking about that?? I was so nervous! I mean it’s his dad and I don’t know. I just felt like he was actually giving his blessing for it like saying Ok I just want to know you are for sure about this. I mean “Navid” is his boy, his rough and tumble army boy sports jock alpha guy that he raised to be a provider, a father, a good man. And it almost had this layer of like he was saying “Please don’t hurt him.” It's as if he knows how much his son loves me and he was just more than being ok with us being together and getting married. It was him saying he wanted to make sure I knew what I was getting into.

How crazy is that?!?!? I have to call him, but he’s in a lunch meeting. I don’t know what he is going to think about this. I just needed to write it down. OMG!

oral fixation

Yesterday I was waiting around for AT (the boyfriend, "Navid" in the Noah series... Oh and now officially my fiancee).  He is new car shopping and we were at a place in Beverly Hills (the center of  the Persian world in the US).

AT had me try out the front passenger seat with the things he says I do in the car. He put the seat all the way back and had me test out a nap, then he had me lean over the center console and put my head on his shoulder. I had to sit up and type his text messages while he dictated and I cleaned up his English. It was funny and the sales guy was of course very accommodating. I didn't realize how much AT knows about me and my habits. He surprises me sometimes with information like that. He is really smart when it comes to me.

So I was waiting in the little coffee area while he was going over the details/negotiations. He came out to check on me and I had my earbuds in listening to music. He started laughing at me.

He said, "Why does your generation all do that?" I asked what he meant and he explained that for some reason we all put the microphone between our lips. He says he sees it all the time with younger guys, and even his little brother back in Iran does the same thing.

So it's this part, the part circled in the diagram. Apparently we all put it across our lips when the earbuds are in.

I can't find a picture online of people doing that, but I see it all the time! I didn't really think about it, but I used to always chew on the ends of the strings on my hoodies. I think I put that in one of my stories, maybe Kasper... 

I just thought it was funny that he said "Your generation" like we are in different age brackets. I mean he is 9 years older. It's not like he's my dad's age. He notices stuff like that though.