Things are looking Up.

Yesterday I vented on here and then last night when we got to bed I had a more clear arrangement of things in my head to present to my husband. 

Quick recap: Husband wanted a nice big house away from the city where we could have babies and be safe. His company, pleased with the crazy amount of business he does, agreed to give him two assistants to train who could do the running around the city that he has been doing. Because of this, the husband would then work from home a LOT more and spend time with me in our nice big house. 

I told him last night, in a more calm and non-tear-filled tone that this is not working. All my friends and everything I have always known are back in LA. I don't know people in Orange County and our house is on windy hillside roads without sidewalks so I can't even leave the house. Some days he comes home so tired that I can't ask him to take me to the gym. And the us having a baby thing is kind of on hold right now and we have to start over next year. 

He gets to be out and social and making deals happen all day while I am stuck here alone. When he comes home I just explode energy on him. For him, that's not a problem. He loves attention from me, but it's making me super sad and I am not a super sad person. You don't realize how much socializing is important until you find yourself on an island with one other person who is gone for 10 hours a day and working from home another 2-3. 

It's super beautiful up here and the weather is always nice since we're a lot closer to the ocean, but it's lonely and I told him that and he listened. He let me finish and he apologized and said it hurt him to see me sad. He said it takes time for his assistants to learn what they need to know, but he agreed to stop taking on extra business. I know how much he loves that. He is competitive and can charm people so easily. Plus he is very impressive when he is in business mode and people love him. 

Today he came home (he had said he'd be here at 1, but he got back at noon to surprise me). He took me to the restaurant I picked out (Fork&Salad) that serves super healthy Hawaiian food. It was so good. Their salads are so crazy and they have amazing bottled kombucha. 

Then we sat at a coffee place and talked about our plan. He talked to some of the friends we made in the gay parent group and they had some suggestions on groups. One of them is friends with a guy my age who has a friend group that gets together to play games. They sound like gay nerds, but it's something! I don't mind dressing up as a wizard or whatever they do. 

Husband also said he knows it is difficult for someone my age to be stuck in an isolated suburbia. This neighborhood doesn't really have people my age. There are a lot of older people and a surprising number of Arabs/Persians. Not like fun gay ones, but traditional ones with ladies wearing hijabs and I most definitely stand out in that crowd. 

But I feel good. He promised tomorrow he will come home earlier and start blocking out time in his calendar to take me places. 

We went to the gym after that. It was nice. He did a warm up with me and then went off to do his weights. The one we went to had the cardio area in clear sight of the weight machines so he could pop his head up and check on me every time he finished a set. 

Plus, when he gets hardcore into his weightlifting it ALWAYS means he is primed for the good play time, not the lazy play time where he's tired from a day of work, the good one... :) 

What if It's Us? & mini-pity-party

I just finished reading a book called What If It's Us? The author is the lady who wrote the book that became the Love Simon movie (that book was good too!) and Adam Silvera (I have another book in my stack that he wrote called They Both Die at the End. 

It is a classic love story with missed signals that features a hip NYC kid (Ben) who meets a smart Jewish boy (Arthur) from suburban Atlanta. You can immediately spot which chapters were written by which author because Adam Silvera is a hipster from the Bronx and Becky Albertalli is a jewish kid from Atlanta. 

There are some trigger warnings for this book including anti-gay assault and... ok maybe there's just one. It is disturbing, but the rest of the book is easier. 

They are making a movie out of it next year. I am in this phase where I read a bunch of the book and then go back and listen to the audiobook version then read more then listen again until I finish. 

You get different things from each version. Anwyays. The audio book is read by Froy Gutierrez and Noah Galvin. I sort of recognized Noah's voice. He was on that series the Real O'Neals and I actually spotted him in West Hollywood! He is not that cute in real life and he got in trouble for some things he said which led to the show going down. 

The LA public library had both the book and the audiobook available in the app for free! But after reading a few chapters I made my husband take me to Barnes and Noble to buy the real book. It's good enough to want to support the authors. 

Noah Galvin does a good job reading Arthur and he even adds little sounds so it feels like a theatrical performance. He is a great audio actor and brings Arthur to life. 

BUT FROY GUTIERREZ! His voice is beyond adorable! He has this playful flirty perfection that pairs so perfectly with Ben's character. 

So have you read this book? Thoughts? What should I read next? 

I'm a stay-at-home house boy with too much free time right now... This house is getting lonely and I don't have any friends down here... That will be another blog post. My husband says he will make time and help me find some people down here. All around us is mostly straight families and older people. 

So yeah. Reading and writing are my only friends right now. It sucks, but um... yeah... This is where I'm at right now. Hopefully it gets better. 

August is here and I need your input!

Woah, it's August! 

I am up to chapters 15 in both Hayden's Shelter and the Lukas story. It is getting increasingly crazy to rework the Lukas story to make it have more mass appeal and not be a porn story. BUT! I like where it is going. 

This week we will be getting ready to head to Texas on Thursday. It is going to be hot because... Texas. I have to pack hot weather clothes but then also some light long-sleeved shirts and light pants/jeans because he doesn't like me out and about uncovered. It's a muslim thing. He says in the middle east no one would even think of wearing shorts or tank tops in public. Which is weird because he will be in shorts probably the whole time. But I don't argue with that, it's just how it is. 

I have to pack for him too. My husband does not pack bags. He would totally do it if I told him to, but he'd end up with two t-shirts, three pairs of boxers, and a stack of gym shorts. He just doesn't have time to think like that, especially with all the work he is doing these days. It's ok though. I am not in classes right now so getting the house cleaned and getting us ready for Texas is kind of my only job this week. I can do it. 

Hopefully I'll be writing too. I am really undecided where to go with Hayden. I feel like they have gone back and forth enough. That needs to stop and they either need to be together or split up and have Hayden find someone else or find a supportive group of LGBTQ friends. 

Which would be better? Obviously the classic love story needs a happily ever after, but the trend right now in the gay teen romance books I have been reading this summer typically end with them just being friends and instead just learning to accept themselves. 

Should Hayden end up with Tank? How do I settle that with Tank's parents? 

man-heavy post!

I am super excited for where my stories are going on wattpad. The best part of it is being able to share them with my husband. He has never read my nifty stuff or known about it. He would most definitely NOT approve of his innocent, naive little love writing dirty stuff. 

I am doing some major cleanup with the Lukas story and trying to fix the typos and make it better. I am going to hit some major roadwork when I get to the part where his dad turns into a puppy. I still want him to live his truth like that, but it needs to be more tasteful. That's funny because when I wrote Lukas people wanted as spin-off of his dad in the pup life. 

Lukas hit #1 in one category and is moving up in others. I have a few more chapters of Hayden to do. I don't want this to turn into one of those stories where Tank struggles with parents who are hateful and want him to change. I think they will come through for him. I never know until I start writing it. I tried to map out this story and do a lot of planning, but that's just not my style. With academic writing it is 100% my style, but with fun stuff I like to see where the characters take me. 

I like the models I picked for the chapter covers and adding art to the chapters adds a different dimension. I'm using Tim Borrman for the Hayden series and Sam Harwood for the Lukas one. 

In my head, Tim makes a perfect Tank. He has that shape, stronger than he looks, that appeals to Hayden. 

Sam works as Lukas. I can see Ari looking at him as a pretty boy who needs protecting and direction. Plus the pink lips are something a Middle Eastern alpha can't resist. 

In other news, we are heading to Texas next week to spend a four day weekend with his parents. I'm excited to see them but it will be hot hot. I am excited to see his dad. On the cruise we were able to do our morning coffee routine. He kept me busy while my husband was trying to run his work from the ship. 

There is a new show on Amazon Prime that is SO GOOD. It's called The Boys. It's about a league of super heroes that are awful people and abuse their celebrity status. 

Location! Location! Location!

I am up to 9 chapters of the Lukas series on wattpad and 12 chapters of Hayden. 

I am learning a lot about the platform and it is fun to go back through the Lukas series and edit it. I'm also adding more artwork to the stories. I liked finding locations for Lukas' apartment, Ari's condo, and the Khorasani estate. I always had them in my head because the first two are locations in Glendale near where we lived. 

The Khorasani estate I pulled from a house in Beverly Hills because I couldn't find a good online pic of the house in Glendale that I liked for them. 

The funny thing is my husband's comments on the Lukas series. Obviously he did not read the original one on nifty so this is all new to him and he is reading the cleaned up version. 

Him: Is good this Lukas has a man to look after him, but he is too young for a 25 year old man!

Me: Ummm I was barely 17 when we met and you were 25. 

Him: Oh... well is different for us. You needed me so much! 

Me: Yes, sir. I still do. :) 

It's funny how he doesn't see that this series was based so much on us, at least in how the two interact and how Lukas discovers all the crazy rules Ari has for him. I guess we see what we want to see. He actually said that Ari is too controlling when he read a chapter where Ari did the EXACT same thing my husband did when we were dating!! haha

I'm not sure where this Hayden story will end. Obviously Tank will need to come out somehow and it should probably be huge and traumatic! :) I think I'll try to wrap it up in 5 or 6 more chapters. I have other ideas I want to write about and this was kind of my break in to Wattpad. 

The Lukas series is doing well and I will NOT be posting any of the Hamad series on there. 

Although, the first few chapters of Emerson and the Lion were super well received on Literotica and are still my highest rated series there. I could take the first few chapters and then rework the story completely with a different direction that might have a more mass-market appeal. I'll think about it down the road. 

Anyways, life is back to normal here. Husband is working and there's a crazy heatwave going on. We might be heading to Houston in two weeks to visit his parents. He is seeing if his schedule will allow it. We haven't been in a few months. 

Monday back to routine.

It feels kind of sad to be home. Husband slept in all the way to 8:30! That is late for a Monday for him. Vacation is over and he hit the ground running. Poor guy. I will make a special dinner for him. 

Last night we got to Orange County around 11 and my dad was there at the baggage claim waiting for us. We were so tired. I think my dad must have been lonely. This is probably the longest we have been apart from each other. Normally he just checks in with me once a day, usually for dinner. Being away from each other for 9 days was long and it was hard to talk to him while we were out cruising. 

Anyways! Back to work on chapter 12 of Hayden which I wrote nothing on for the whole week! 

The guy who put Noah's Starship up on Wattpad a few years back is redoing it and making shorter chapters and new art for it. I think it just didn't get promoted well on there. Check it out if you can: 
https://www.wattpad.com/story/116334729-noah%27s-new-world-boyxboy
I like the new cover! :) 

I need to do artwork for the chapters of Lukas I posted. 

It is a heat wave this week. It's not too bad in Orange County, but the rest of the country looks crazy. I'll be inside mostly today just cleaning and laundry. I need to pop into my dad's little house in the back and probably do some laundry for him too. Happy Monday :) 

Last day of vacation

The cruise was amazing! The first few days sucked and we fought, but then it was really fun. We are getting off the boat soon to head home.

Before we even left, my husband said he was worried about us being together nonstop in a small room. He knows I need my space and he knows he can be kind of smothering towards me with his family. 

That’s exactly what happened. 

The good part is that his family completely accepts us as a regular married couple. 

But they pick at him. Both his parents said he eats too much and I eat too little. My husband has gotten bigger, but to me he’s still the hottest guy I’ll ever see. My favorite place on earth is burrrowed into his hold. 

Plus, he works incredibly hard to make a nice life for us and our future kids. That’s stressful. 

Every time we ate with them he’d tell me I need more. When I got a plate of cucumbers and hummus for lunch, he said that wasn’t enough. 

Him: You need meat, my love 

Me: I don’t want meat. I want what I got.

Him: This is not enough, my heart. You will be hungry! 

Me: if I’m hungry then I’ll get more later. They have food 24 hours a day. Please stop. 

This was us at every meal with his parents.

Then there were the activities. They wanted to shop or lounge in the vip area. I wanted to do the activities or use the nice gym or pool or go karts they have. We kept missing the activities I wanted to go to like painting classes or trivia games. 

The painting class you have to get to early and put your name down when the lady gets there. I wanted to go before and wait... but he didn’t want me sitting there by myself while he finished up some work on his laptop in the room. Because of course if I am on my own in a busy place then I’ll get snatched up by some hungry man. 

I had to wait for him because his boy needs an adult. By the time we got there it was full and they’d already started. That happened twice. 

He felt awful and I, burying my feelings like I often do, said it was ok and no big deal. I know better than to do that. I don’t speak up like I should. 

Then the clothing! At home I wear whatever but in public he wanted me super covered. “You will be cold and get sick!” 

I finally exploded when we were walking with his family and he was trying to massage the back of my neck but also doing that to guide me through the crowd and it hurt. I told him to stop and he didn’t hear me. 

I finally turned on him and pushed him away and told him I was done. I started crying and told him he was being a dick then went back to our room because I didn’t want to cry in front of people.  

Husband came 15 minutes later and we talked it out. He brought me a moose from the gift shop. It was the one I liked the first day but I said it was too expensive and I don’t need more stuffed creatures. He went back and got it to cheer me up. He made it talk and apologize to me. He called it make up moose. He buys me things when he feels bad. He buys me things when he’s happy too. 

He said his parents thought he’d hurt me. “They look at me like I am evil asshole who hurts his little love. My mother say I don’t deserve you.” 

His father has always told me I am too nice and accommodating to my husband. I take care of him like a king. He’s said a Persian wife would demand more and keep him on the chase and I should do that with my husband. That’s not me. I am grateful for how hard he works for us. I try to make him happy at all times, but i do need to speak up more. 

The rest of the week was better. We got to do the paint class. It was a starry sky with the northern lights. We did go karts and a train ride and toured the little towns. Ketchikan was the best, Juneau was pretty, Haines was meh. Alaska is mountainous! The glacier we saw broke off some smaller pieces right in front of us! It was crazy beautiful. 

The funny part is we kept crossing paths with this holland cruise boat that was LOADED with older gays. At every port he was getting scoped left and right; especially when he held my hand or put his arm around me in the restaurants. 

I got the look from them that I get from older gays. It’s like “you’re just a gold digging trophy boy.” My husband didn’t notice it at all. He said they were just nice older men seeing two younger guys in love. 

I did like their rainbow shirts with sayings like “I sweat glitter!” Or “I can’t even think straight!” Juneau had pride stickers in every shop window. Ketchikan had flags out to welcome them. 

Vacation and Lukas Returns

Tonight we are flying to Seattle to meet husband's family and then set sail tomorrow for the high seas. He got a later flight tonight because his family is already in Seattle and we are already going to spend 7 days on a boat with them doing lots of preplanned activities. haha. So he wanted one last day at home with just the two of us. 

I can tell he is not excited for this trip. He said the rooms on a cruise ship are small and cramped, even the big one they got for us. He says he knows he gets on my nerves when we are closed up together for too long... It is kind of true. I like my space and he can be a bit all over me when we are on trips. But I am so excited. 

IN OTHER NEWS!!

I decided I want to try and go back and clean up a previous story from my nifty work to put up on wattpad. 

Whenever I do get it published (the first few chapters) the link should be here. 

I wanted to do a cleaned up version of Lukas and the Shah. Not just edited for errors and better writing, but also with a lot of the sex taken out. I can make it more mainstream. I am definitely leaving  in the part where Lukas fingers Ari on the beach! That moment was so hot and pivotal to how things changed for them. So we'll see how it goes. 

I will be off of here for at least the next week. So please if you do read the Lukas story on wattpad please don't comment anything about Nifty! :) 

Hayden 9 and 10

This new story has me writing faster than I can post! I don't want to put up more than one chapter per day or people might get confused and skip one, but woah this is flowing really well. 

I finished up chapter 9 this morning and chapter 10 is already written. I just need the art for it. I want to try and do 10 and 11 before we leave for our trip Saturday night. We'll see. If I get the art for 11 then I can finish it on the flight. But honestly I usually fall asleep on flights and he booked us the nice big seats this time so I'm pretty sure I will be passed out under his arm before we get out of California airspace.  


Here is Chapter 9's art. It's not super inspired, but it does the job: 

Chapter 10 touches on some really heavy stuff. I wasn't sure how far to go into things but I absolutely love the raw emotion that came out on those pages. I honestly just try to listen to the characters in my head and see where they want to take things. 

This is what I have so far for the Ch. 10 artwork: 

UPDATE: Chapter 10 is done. :) We had a quick dinner because husband is working overtime to be able to enjoy our vacation. 

Thanks for all the positive comments and votes! Time to go start dinner for my husband who is stuck in LA traffic. 

I like doing artwork for each chapter. It helps me go back and think about what I wrote. It's like visual revision. 

It is getting super hot today through this weekend! Luckily we will be in a cooler climate on vacation, but be safe, SoCal!!