Quick recap: Husband wanted a nice big house away from the city where we could have babies and be safe. His company, pleased with the crazy amount of business he does, agreed to give him two assistants to train who could do the running around the city that he has been doing. Because of this, the husband would then work from home a LOT more and spend time with me in our nice big house.
I told him last night, in a more calm and non-tear-filled tone that this is not working. All my friends and everything I have always known are back in LA. I don't know people in Orange County and our house is on windy hillside roads without sidewalks so I can't even leave the house. Some days he comes home so tired that I can't ask him to take me to the gym. And the us having a baby thing is kind of on hold right now and we have to start over next year.
He gets to be out and social and making deals happen all day while I am stuck here alone. When he comes home I just explode energy on him. For him, that's not a problem. He loves attention from me, but it's making me super sad and I am not a super sad person. You don't realize how much socializing is important until you find yourself on an island with one other person who is gone for 10 hours a day and working from home another 2-3.
It's super beautiful up here and the weather is always nice since we're a lot closer to the ocean, but it's lonely and I told him that and he listened. He let me finish and he apologized and said it hurt him to see me sad. He said it takes time for his assistants to learn what they need to know, but he agreed to stop taking on extra business. I know how much he loves that. He is competitive and can charm people so easily. Plus he is very impressive when he is in business mode and people love him.
Today he came home (he had said he'd be here at 1, but he got back at noon to surprise me). He took me to the restaurant I picked out (Fork&Salad) that serves super healthy Hawaiian food. It was so good. Their salads are so crazy and they have amazing bottled kombucha.
Then we sat at a coffee place and talked about our plan. He talked to some of the friends we made in the gay parent group and they had some suggestions on groups. One of them is friends with a guy my age who has a friend group that gets together to play games. They sound like gay nerds, but it's something! I don't mind dressing up as a wizard or whatever they do.
Husband also said he knows it is difficult for someone my age to be stuck in an isolated suburbia. This neighborhood doesn't really have people my age. There are a lot of older people and a surprising number of Arabs/Persians. Not like fun gay ones, but traditional ones with ladies wearing hijabs and I most definitely stand out in that crowd.
But I feel good. He promised tomorrow he will come home earlier and start blocking out time in his calendar to take me places.
We went to the gym after that. It was nice. He did a warm up with me and then went off to do his weights. The one we went to had the cardio area in clear sight of the weight machines so he could pop his head up and check on me every time he finished a set.
Plus, when he gets hardcore into his weightlifting it ALWAYS means he is primed for the good play time, not the lazy play time where he's tired from a day of work, the good one... :)
Lol, enjoy your time togetherrrr......;-).
ReplyDeleteI read your last few blog posts about what's been happening and I'm sorry to hear that it's been lonely for you. But when you look at it from your husband's perspective, I think he might have been lonely for him too. He's been trying hard for his own sake and for yours and maybe that's why he's listening now. Maybe it's difficult for him to notice the things that are bothering you because he's spending more time away from you. But the sad truth is we never choose the circumstances we find ourselves in, only how we navigate them. And you two did just that. You communicated about your feelings and your husband's making more time for you and finding a social group to be a part of. Nobody's perfect, but he's trying.
Maybe I'm completely off the mark, but I can say with certainty that you and your husband are great people who deserve the world. Good luck adjusting and have the best time from now on!
Thank you for that. It makes sense. From his perspective, he is from a part of the world where money keeps you safe. To be able to have his family in a quiet house in a nice area away from the craziness of LA means success. He takes a lot of pride in being the man who can take care of us and not have me working. We do need to get better about talking, especially me.
DeleteI'm sure you guys will triumph in the end. 😁
DeleteRemember Lukas took the train from his home in the dessert to Beverly Hills. His dad and boyfriend got so mad at him; I don't remember if he was punished or not. Probably not the best decision. I'm kind of like him, which is why I am so indecisive. I always wonder if I am making the wrong decision. Not the point though. Rule breaking is good. Push the limits. Rule breaking is good sometimes. The big guys tend to tighten control. I guess it makes life easier for them. They're stress earning a living, and they want to make sure their boys are safe. But they go too far. Don't be afraid to push the limits to let your husband know you need more freedom. They always say increasing your comfort zone, increases your freedom. Like training to run longer or faster. The training hurts for a while, then it becomes easy and light. Daniel
ReplyDeleteI would so freak him out if I escaped on a train into LA. haha. He would not be pleased. I am the good boy. I always follow his rules. I am starting to push back. It's easier at night when we are wrapped up together in the dark in bed. That's when we have our most equal conversations and he listens best. I'm trying! :)
DeleteI sleep naked with my big daddy when its hot. You are right when I'm vulnerable, we connect and I feel good. Kind of the opposite of fighting for what I want. You are a smart kid. Daniel
DeleteGay wizards sound fun.
ReplyDeleteYah they do! haha. I loved the book!
DeleteGlad to hear you are feeling better! Well done on stating your case without getting emotional, and him on picking up on what's important to you!
ReplyDeleteDid A. keep his word and make more time? Or is it a longer process?
Thank you! We are on vacation seeing his parents in Texas. We flew here today so I will have lots of fun time out. He agreed to try more and not spend the whole day out of the house working. We went to the gym twice this week so that was good!
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