Arizona

We are in Arizona! It is super hot and no one vacations in Arizona in the summer, but I have been talking about it for a few weeks now since reading Music of What Happens. I wanted to see where Max and Jordan lived since Bill Konigsberg describes it so vividly. We are staying on this little lake in a new hotel with lots of nice restaurants right around it. It is so pretty! I have been taking a ton of pictures of trees, streets, shopping centers. It's for a new series I want to work on and actually do the real work of character profiles, settings, real places, etc... 

We have a cruise coming up in a few weeks. His mom wanted to do it and so his dad booked us a room. My husband was NOT happy about it. They will have wifi so he can work in the room and his dad got us a room with a balcony. I am excited! Husband is not. It is a lot for him to take off a week of work. Even right now on our little vacation in the desert he is already up making calls and working on things. I ordered us breakfast. I wanted a waffle! I am getting a waffle! 

He wanted to tell his father that we couldn't do it, but he knows it would disappoint him. Plus his brother is bringing a friend (a Persian guy, not his girlfriend) so he will have to keep him in line (He is in big brother mode now that his family lives in the same country.). 

It's funny because with me he is the super gentle but strong disciplinarian. He knows I shrink at even a mildly disapproving look. With his brother though, he is much more forceful. I told him he should be kinder and that he hasn't lived around his brother since he came to the US six years ago and his brother might resent him. He told me his parents are too permissive with him since he is the baby and his parents are worn out from being too strong with him and his older brothers. 

He thinks his little brother is a spoiled kid who gets away with too much. I told my husband that his brother is always very polite and friendly with me. He could be weird or mean or just ignore me, but he is genuinely chill and hugs me. He also takes care of his mother and respects her.

"Of course he does! You are mine, most important of my life. He will not bring my wrath!" 

"Or maybe he likes me as a person?" I pointed out. I like to think people are nice to me for reasons other than me belonging to him. 

"Yes, of course. You are my sweet boy." He meant that, but again reminded me that I am his. Fine fine! haha. 

New story thoughts

I REALLY want to do a more mainstream-type book without the power dynamics I typically have in my series and definitely with less sex. I've been thinking about posting more on Wattpad and more visible locations. 

A while back some reader asked if he could post Emerson and the Lion on Wattpad and add graphics and stuff. I said sure, go for it. I knew it wasn't the type of story that would do well on there. 

A lot of gay lit is read by straight females, surprisingly more than one would expect. I get emails from female readers even though I would expect them to not be into my writing. They offer some very interesting thoughts on my stories. I heard from two different older straight married ladies with grown children who told me they really identified with Noah's Starship. Both of them related to the issues of dating a man from a traditional, male-dominated culture. It's really surprising. 

+++ 

This morning my husband had few free hours so he took me to the grocery store to stock up for the week. We did our normal thing where he leans over the cart and slow walks it while typing/talking on his phone. I guide the cart and he only moves to pull out his wallet at the check-out. When I pull on the cart he walks and when I push it, he stops. It's like an old time horse-pushed carriage. 

I was pushing down the frozen aisle and this muscled, older middle-eastern guy in workout clothes was standing in front of what I wanted. I waited quietly then he looked up from his phone and said "oh, sorry." I gave him a smile and nod and he moved. Husband did not look up. 

I get what we need and then I turn and the guy is right beside me. Husband does not notice. 

The guy said, "Excuse, I can find meatball?" 

My husband snapped his head up so fast! I laughed. He had this flash of a stance like "I will cut you!" 

Husband took one look at him and started talking in his language. The other guy smiles. Then my husband asks me to show him where the meatballs were. I pointed behind the guy where there was a whole freezer door full of them. They said a few more things to each other and we left. 

He puts all the groceries in the trunk then gets in and tells me "He is hunt for you! Right in front of me!" 

"I think he just wanted to buy some meatballs." I pointed out the easiest answer.

He would not buy it. I told him that maybe the guy was interested in him or maybe just lonely and wanting to talk to another middle eastern guy. Husband was not having it. haha. Luckily it led to a very nice morning after quickly putting away the groceries. 

Ahmed 7 is up

The new chapter of Ahmed's Cub is up. Two months later :) 

It has been a crazy two months though! We just got home from Palm Springs. Husband was working on a project and decided to get us a room for the week. It was so pretty and insanely hot but we had great air conditioning. 

I have been reading through the Read With Pride challenge for June. I have gotten through 8 books so far. It's awesome reading what everyone else is reading in the challenge month because there are lots of discussions going on about the books. Top book of the summer is still Music of What Happens. Has anyone read it? It's so beautiful and sad and twisted and... it makes me want to write something important. 

I want to challenge myself to do the hard work to write an actual book. Maybe just something on Wattpad, but with notes and an outline and character profiles and all those things I have been trained to do in my classes. 

I write for Nifty as stress relief, a palette cleanse from school writing. I don't do all the pre-work, I just write. It's important to just write, but it's also important to create a story arc and 3-d characters and a sense of place and all those other things that make good literature. 

Book Club!

It was 95 degrees in Orange County today! My husband came home to find me making dinner in a pair of briefs. We have the house to ourselves again since his mom went back to Houston. My dad has learned to not walk into the house without calling first unless my husband's family is in town and he knows we will be modest. My dad is very comfortable with our affection though we don't overdo it in front of him. His only comment has ever been "You two are very much in love. That is a good thing." 

Normally my husband controls the air conditioning from his app, but his app hasn't been communicating with the unit very well lately so I don't get the normal arctic chill telling me he will arrive home soon. He sets it at 78-79 before he leaves for work in the morning (my preferred temperature) and then adjusts it down to a chilly 69 when he comes home. 

His mom went home late last week. I miss her already. She is quickly adjusting to American life. The head covering is gone and she is wearing tops that show off her ample chest. She has her hair all pretty and lots of makeup. My husband HATES it. He says my father has lost control of her. He wants her back in the covered up modesty he is used to; the shapeless blob of mother he is comfortable with. 

I remind him that he came to this county to be himself, so maybe she did too. It was surprising at first, but then I realized something...

After all that dread and doom he predicted when deciding to come out to his parents, they were actually not that upset by it. They have welcomed and loved me like I was their own child. Maybe they are a lot more liberal than he gives them credit for. Maybe this sudden expression of vamp that has splashed across his mother is just another token that they are not the stoic pillars of islamic piety he built them into. 

His mom has boobs. His dad is cool with her wearing something that alerts others to this fact. My dad paid much more attention to her this time. It was cute. We found them laughing together in the kitchen. My husband growled that noise in his chest that he gets when some man is paying attention to me. 

++ 

We stopped into a bookstore so my guy could get a giant coffee last week and they had this HUGE pride section setup!! I was so excited. I never beg to spend money, but when I saw all the new releases in gay fiction, I had to have!! I got six books. He is always urging me to buy things and I rarely do so he got excited at how happy I was. I have devoured two of them. I'll start the third soon. I like how you can read a book and then go on social media and find thousands of posts and fan art and discussion. It's a giant, anonymous book club. 

He likes finding me reading silently in his big chair when he comes home. It means I am peaceful and not staring at a screen. 

We Contain Multitudes was super heavy! Violence and deep, angry sadness. I didn't grow up like that. I was never expected to "be a man" or toughen up. I was never really bullied. I was too quiet and our teachers were uber on the lookout for troubled kids. If anyone even hinted at bullying things ground to a halt and we had to get in the circle of justice and discuss things... California.... 

It cracks me up how people on instagram have to pose a book. Like "Oh look! I was sitting here at my vintage table made from old railroad ties while enjoying my book. I always cut fresh flowers before I read! It sets the mood. Oh and excuse the vintage keys in the picture, my bisexual neighbor Jernathun left them for me before he headed back to Silverlake!" 

This one is from Autoboyography. Tanner and Sebastian! Swoon! This book made me cry so hard. I was so Tanner and my husband was a muslim form of Sebastian. There were so many little parts to this book that made me go UGH! YES! Furrrk!

The thing about reading is how it changes my writing style. That might show up in the next chapter of Ahmed if I ever finish it!! I am over halfway through with it, but it's slow going, but it's going, but slowly, but going... going... 

Next book to read: 

My tired Persian

Well this has been a fun week! My husband's mother is visiting and I put her to work doing what she loves, organizing our kitchen, making meals, decorating, and cleaning. She is loving it. I think she is bored being in Texas in a giant house with her husband working all the time and her only son there in classes full time. She feels useful here and it makes my husband happy to see her get along so well with me. 

Funny though because she is driving him crazy. As much as he loves her he is not used to her being there full time and criticizing him or making demands of him (she likes to be taken out for shopping and other things). It's paying off for me though because he has told me at least five times a day how fortunate he is to have married me. 

He said, "I am so lucky to have you and not have a Persian wife." (His parents would have chosen a good Persian girl for him if he hadn't finally come out to them about who he was and who he loved -me!). He said I am his calming boy, his beautiful one who is good to him and good for him. That makes me happy. It also makes me think I could get away with demanding more, but that's just not who I am. He gives me plenty of attention and affection. He buys more than I need and never says no when I ask to get something. I don't really know what I would push for. :) It's not like I want a car. I just want more of him. 

It was sweet when he came to bed one night this week and held me and laced his fingers through mine and rubbed over the wedding ring on my finger and said, "Is best thing I ever decide. I am so blessed," then kissed my cheek and hugged me. I am so proud to be his. 

Our new house is really nice. It is a piece of land that is behind other houses then has a hillside behind it. It has this long driveway that winds around the other houses on the street then connects to the roadway with a gate. It's really private and quiet. Below is is a newer neighborhood with nice houses that are crammed together on smaller lots. My husband calls them "the little people." He means it jokingly. 

He is driving more for work right now but getting things set up to work more from home. He hired two younger guys who are going to be out doing the fieldwork for him and he will direct them and put together deals from the home office he set up. That will let him be here more. 

Hopefully that means we will be able to go out on a Friday night instead of him being home and exhausted from a week of hard work. Right now he is watching a game with my dad. It's great and all, but I kinda wanted to go out and see a movie or something. 

He told me we could go somewhere, but I could see how tired he was and how much he just wanted to be on the couch in basketball shorts and a tank top with a beer... 

Time to get back to it

The move is pretty much finished. We did so much work and our new house is still only like half filled. We have our bedroom and his parents' bedroom (the guest room) set up plus the living and dining room. We still have two other bedrooms with nothing in them. It's a much bigger space and we both agreed we don't need to fill it all just to fill it. 

I saved the kitchen except for the things we needed because my husband's mom flew in today. It was so funny how she lit up when she came and I told her "I really need your help with the kitchen. I am so lost!" My husband translated this into Farsi and she got this big grin and then nodded and hugged me.  Like any Persian mother she likes to be in charge and it will keep her busy for a few days. 

It made my husband so happy that I did that for her. Honestly I don't care how the kitchen is organized and it built her up to act like I need the help so that is good and I will get rewarded from my guy. He loves that I make his mom happy because his brother's spouses don't get along with her and fight her on things. In our house she gets to be the chief advisor and it pleases her. 

I wish his dad had come with her. He is working but he said he will come this weekend. I haven't seen him in awhile and we have the best talks. 

On the Ahmed and Dylan front, I should be getting back to it this week. I have ideas and things are settling down here. Husband is going to be working and his mother will be doing the kitchen and getting furniture for the other two rooms so I will have time to write. She's also cleaning which is nice. 

We haven't bought baby stuff yet. It's still in the works. We had to find another donor. My husband said he will tell me when we have something really going. Otherwise I get excited and disappointed and obsess about it. I don't need to do that just yet... 

In the process

Hi everyone! I will be absent for the next few weeks until things settle down here. 

We got the new house this weekend. It is so perfect. It is a dream. I've never lived in a place without other people around or attached to us. Everything is all ours. We even have a gate around the front with a remote to open it. It's not huge, but it is private and so quiet. 

Husband and I went Friday night and the cleaners were fixing everything up so we went for dinner then got a bottle of wine and some stuff from the grocery store and had a little private party in the empty house for just the two of us. We had some time alone with our new place. 

It's awesome! This week I am going to be packing, cleaning, tossing stuff. We have SO MUCH Stuff!! I blame his mother. Every time she visits she buys things we need plus my husband buys things and he has his whole media setup. It grew a lot this year. 

Ahmed and Dylan will be coming back in June. I promise. 

SKipping Ramadan

So Ramadan started. It is a month long thing of fasting from sun up (6am in SoCal) to sunset (8pm). I only know about it because I heard it on the radio and I turned to my husband and sad "Oh! Happy Ramadan!" And he gave me a guilty look and said "Yes, I will be praying much this month." He is totally skipping the fasting! 

I tell him he's a lazy muslim😇. He never talks about it with me. too funny. I told him don't feel bad about it, but I do want our kids to learn his religion. They should know their culture. 

I'm sure his parents think he is fasting. I notice because he didn't check in or post about the cool lunch place we went to today in Orange County. It was so cute, an old church they turned into a restaurant. 

I can see his social media but I don't post on it. If I take a pic of something I post it in our couples' app and then he decides if it goes online or not. Sometimes he just responds with "This is for us, baby." That means no. 

Actually the last pic I sent him was a definite no. We were sitting at a coffee shop waiting for a client and chilling on the couch. He had on a nice suit with these pants that hugged his bulge so perfectly from the way he was sitting plus he had on these nice leather shoes that are cute. I took a pic of our laps and legs. His legs were spread open wide like a man does and I was pressed into his left side with my legs closed wearing jeans and Vans. He had his left hand on my thigh and coffee in his right. I remember he was talking business on his earpods while I was playing with my phone. It's a cute pic and so very much us, but of course he didn't post that. his bulge looked too.... bulged. 

Today we went to see the new house. It is empty and our offer was accepted and put through so the owners are gone already to Hawaii. Their realtor let us in to look at it. It is huge! It's older but redone. It has beautiful floors and this step down living room that has all glass doors on the back of it to show the hillside view. It's very private because behind it is a wall and then wooded cliff. It has fire clearance so that should help if the wildfires flare up around there this summer. So it has small green backyard then desert landscape for clearance then wall then cliff with trees. 

We are moving in a few weeks. I have a lot to do. Final projects to work on and some Ahmed to write. :) Hope everyone had a great weekend. My husband surprised me with the new airpods. They are SO AWESOME! 

too close...

I am going to be missing for a bit! We decided on a house and they agreed to the offer. My husband is ecstatic about getting a much bigger space with room for his parents, my dad, our future babies. It is really pretty and on a hillside overlooking Orange County. It has a little backhouse with the garage so my dad is excited to have his own space again where he can be messy and have things his way but still join us for meals and family things. It'll be good. 

We are going to move in a few weeks. They are eager to be out. It'll be good. My husband got his company to let him hire two guys he will train to do his job and he will oversee them so it'll let him take on more projects without having to be out and driving around all day. They will do the work and he will supervise and put the projects together. It will let him work from home more and be with me. 

Last week was really rough in dealing with things. A friend of mine I grew up with is gone forever. I was really sad and clingy to my husband. He liked having me buzzing around him constantly, now I am kind of pulling back to my regular routine and he is like "Hey where did my honeybee go?" I am not normally all over him all the time. He liked the attention. 

It's funny because he has no boundaries when it comes to me. Like last night in the shower, ok this is kinda gross, sorry. We were just talking and cleaning ourselves and all of a sudden I feel the soap in my butt and I'm like "HEY! No!" haha. Gross, I know, sorry! 

I clean myself down there. He is welcome to it after I have done my job. He thinks of us as one person which I guess is good since we're married and all, but I always want to be his perfect, clean, ready to go boy. Usually I shower alone after I go to the gym before he gets home from work. Then he comes home to me all clean and fresh and making his dinner. 

He is the man of my dreams, I am the boy of his reality. 

Ok I promise I will make some progress on Ahmed Chapter 7. I have two pages down. I know what I want to write, but I also have final projects and now a move to prepare for. I need more time.