We had a good Monday, very chill. Husband came home early and took me to the doctor for a checkup from my sickness a few weeks ago. All the tests showed my potassium was low and my weight was too low and I hadn't had some vaccines and stuff so I had to go back for a review.
He was happy with the pounds I gained over Thanksgiving in New York. I'm not. I know I need to be healthier, but I like being small. I love when my guy picks me up and how proud he is at carrying me from the couch to bed without waking me up. I've talked to him about this a lot.
He says if I get to a healthy weight then he will work out more and always be strong enough to lift me. He says he wants me healthy and that's all that matters. He says some day we are going to be so old that I will have to carry him. He says me being tiny doesn't make him love me more. He says a lot of very sweet things and I know he is right.
But the minute he makes a little noise or joke when he picks me up it makes me want to not eat for a week. I know I'm not healthy like that. I also know this blog is not my therapy spot where I should post about serious personal issues... but that's me... If I don't get it out then I just think about it obsessively.
That's a bummer about the Doc visit. I swear we need to average out our diets. I struggle with portion control, but recently been getting more OCD at counting calories and eating whole foods. I think OJ has a ton of potassium, so maybe adding a splash of that to a smoothie would be manageable. But dude I admire your self control, even if it's not healthy lol.
ReplyDeleteI finally understand what you mean when you feel nasty full after your mother in law would force loads of food on you. After this thanksgiving weekend eating so much cheese, I feel super greasy. No cheese this week and lots of cardio. At long beach airport now, but I'm making a huge vat of veg soup as soon as I get home.
P.S. you ever use the app Cronometer? I use it as a food log, but the best part is that it breaks down all your macro and micronutrients. So I know whether I'm lacking in calcium for the day or need more fiber. Shit like that. It's pretty fascinating.
My body gets potassium but I guess it's not holding onto it or something like that. I don't know. Usually at the doctor's office they talk more to my husband than me so I kind of tune out knowing he will guide the ship here.
DeleteI use an online food diary thing so my husband can track it. When it got really bad one time, he made me eat lunch while facetiming him because he didn't trust that I was eating while he wasn't around. That was kind of nice to spend 20 minutes during the day just talking to him.
I hate that full feeling! On my frame I can seriously see a lump in my tummy when it's full like that and I struggle with wanting to not keep it down.
Damn, that potassium thing is a bummer. You need that shit to regulate your blood pressure. Sodium and potassium are the main minerals for that shit. At least most fruit and veg have a boatload of potassium.
DeleteThat's one of the things I like about most smoothies and soups. They don't get stuck in your stomach too long and move to your intestines quickly. I usually overeat so vegan stuff in general helps with that full feeling. That soup I made was fucking bomb and I cooked way too much of it. But I figure I can get back on track this week just eating oatmeal and that soup. 🤞
I dont know what it all means, but my guy added some "must eats" to my list. He's on it. :) Soup sounds good. I am going to make it tomorrow since it will rain! I can't wait to watch it
DeleteAnother great chapter! I really felt sorry for the Khorasanis, but then I remembered they don't exist.
ReplyDeleteFeel free to use your blog as therapy. We can all be here for you. Though I think you SHOULD make sure you eat well. I'm sure A. would rather have a healthy Emri than one he can pick up with one finger :-)
Ok that first comment made me seriously laugh. In my head they do exist! But they have a ton of money and insurance so whatever happens they will be ok. :)
DeleteThanks. I am trying to be healthier rather than just prettier. :) A told me firmly that he doesn't want to have to worry about this when we have kids and that I need to change so I don't raise our children to have negative body image like that. I am trying.
You’re in charge of this blog, so it can be whatever you want! Plus I’ve always heard people feel closer to people who share their problems (even if most of us are complete cyber strangers).
ReplyDeleteBut I think you said in another post the eating issues started before your relationship. So I’m no professional, but it sounds like the reasons you listed are only secondary motivations to not eat enough. I’m sure you already know that, if it is actually true.
I guess this isn’t so uplifting of a reply. Sorry! I kind of suck at pep talks:>)
But I do wish you the best and am glad you have a great support system.
Thank you! I do have a good support system. My dad used to take me to counseling for it. I know that with my husband, he is good about staying on top of things with me and maybe that makes me not as responsible as I should be with things sometimes.
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