Disaster mode, but we are safe.

 We are finally back in our house after 3 days without power. My husband spent an hour this morning crawling around inspecting things and luckily no water pipes burst. So crazy! I am ready to go back to california. 

We woke up Monday to a freezing cold house and we made it to his parents house a few miles west of us. Luckily they had power, but it went off for most of the time the last few days. They had a big stack of firewood though and had moved it to the garage so it was dry. So crazy! 

We had our powerblock thingies all charged up because the news warned that the power might go out, so we were able to charge our phones, but then the cell towers went down one by one. It was so crazy! My husband would pull up the map app to see where it located us, and our dot kept getting farther and farther away from where we were which means the cell towers were dying. 

Tonight it is supposed to snow and freeze again, but hopefully we will keep our house warm so we can stay here. The heater has it up to 68 inside right now. It was below 30 when we checked on it yesterday. That's inside, not outside. 

Thankfully everyone is ok and we didn't get damage. The water pressure is very low across the city.  

I am over Texas. I am really really over Texas. 

My dad lived through the Northridge quake before I was born, and he was telling me about how LA was without power or water for a few days. I have never been through something like this. 

Back to cleaning! Hope everyone is ok. 

Persian Cling

 My husband is on a zoom business call in the other room so I actually have an hour to myself. 

I have so many storylines going in my head, but it's so rare that I get to just sit with my laptop in peace by myself. 

I know I am super fortunate to be married to a guy who always wants me within arm's reach, but it leaves no time for my creative outlet. Some days he will even bring his laptop and phone to the kitchen island and conduct full business meetings while I'm making food or cleaning up. 

Yesterday he came into the kitchen and sat there then reached over and turned my music way down because he got a call from an investor. 

I started waving my arms for him to take his call in a more private place. He has a home office. There's a whole bedroom with his office set up and he only goes in there to get something off the printer. 

I'm waving my arms at him and he smiles then winks at me. He thinks I just want love so he comes over and puts his arms around me from behind and rubs his nose into the back of my neck while conducting his business call. He just doesn't understand needing space. 

Last week he told me, "This year has been so good for us! We are closer than ever!" 

I should not complain. He is working extra hard to keep us going through this pandemic economy (and actually he says he is doing better since we moved to Texas). 

I think part of the problem is that we aren't able to hang out with friends here. Our pandemic pod is his family and no one else. Hopefully things go back to normal in a few months. 

How is everyone else's relationship doing this year? 

January 20th

 My husband is so cute. He is working from home this year, and when he gets busy, he will talk to himself as he's doing stuff (sometimes in English). 

This morning, he came in from getting some papers out of his car, and he took his jacket off and tossed it on the couch then started to walk away. He stopped, turned back and said, "No. No jacket on the couch, the baby doesn't like that." He picked up his jacket and took it and the papers to his little office. 

He does the funniest stuff when he thinks I'm not watching/listening. I don't think I've ever yelled at him for leaving his clothes around the house, but I do joke about it. He is getting better. Last week he ordered us food online to be delivered, and he ordered my sandwich and then said to himself, "no mayonnaise, the baby hates mayonnaise. He will not eat it." 

January is almost over! So much is going on. We are hoping we can get the vaccine soon. They are down to 60 year olds in our area. Hopefully they get to the 20s before Spring. 

My husband is working with an immigration lawyer so they can start the paperwork to bring over his brothers and their families. I know it is hard for his parents to be here without their whole family together. 

Once they get over here, then my husband says we are definitely moving back to California. If we have his whole family together here then we can just visit them every month without being too close. 

I'm sure this year has all of us missing our people. 

I signed up for a class this summer so I can finally finish my degree by the end of the year. I think it's been easy to put it off with this pandemic as an excuse. Honestly though I just don't know what I am going to do when I finally finish it. Maybe that's why it is easy to put the classes off. 

Hot guys picnic

 For Christmas, my husband and his parents bought me pretty much every kitchen tool I saw on tv this year and said, "oh we should try that!" 

I think they feel bad for me, but I really am interested in things other than cleaning and food. 

For the cleaning thing, I really am a bad gay stereotype. I like things in their place and I love when my husband's mother comes into our house and does this little head nod with a smile. 

I will say, the air fryer is the best invention ever! 

Last night they came for dinner, and I made them chicken in the air fryer. His mom brought a big salad she'd made and the two things were so good together. 

The juicer is somehow masculine enough for my husband to get into. He loved shoving giant vegetables into the machine. We made a celery, carrot, cucumber, apple juice then I added frozen berries to the glasses. It was so good. 

I'm enjoying spending all this time with his family, but we are both ready to get back to California when all this is over. 

We have had so many meals in our car or a park this year. It's become our habit when we need to get out of the house. We order online, pull up for curbside, then either eat in the car or go to a nearby park. 

Yesterday we ate in our car in the parking lot of the park because it was a little busy. There was an endless supply of hot guys out running! We live just a mile from the most popular trail that runs along the bayou. It was funny because every guy who would pass, we would say "yes" or "no" for who we liked. I'm sure all couples do this at some point. My husband gave a few yeses to some passing girls as well! I didn't vote on any girls. 

It's funny how much he has changed. He used to never ever comment on guys he thought were cute, and I wouldn't have even dared to do that.  Now it's like "Ok, whatever. We're together forever so it's cool."

It also surprised me that he isn't just into white boys like me. He has a pretty good spectrum of interests. 

Did anyone else stay up late with the election news? I fell asleep on my guy's chest about 10, but I know he was up late (He's still sleeping in). He will be happy for the news when he wakes up. It'll help us get the rest of his family here. He has two brothers and their families still back in Iran. I know how much that will mean to his family to be together again. 

Today's font is Georgia. 😀

New Year 2021

I feel like this year has been a deep dive into the "What are you doing with your life?" question. It has definitely reframed it for our family, and I doubt many people would be answering that question with anything similar to this time last year. 

Without all this craziness, I doubt we would have moved to Texas to be near my husband's family. We are both ready to head back to California, but there have been some nice things about it too. 

The last few years my husband was working like crazy to build something secure for us. This year he has been able to relax a lot more. It forced him to take a step back, and think about the kind of guy he wants to be going forward. 

It's definitely made him more needing of my time and attention. Last year at this time, I was practically begging him to step back from his crazy workload and do things with me. Now it's kind of the opposite. I'm trying to clean something or cook something, and he shows up wanting to participate. Yesterday he stopped me while I was vacuuming because "The vacuum sounds weird. Lemme take a look at it." 😆 I was like, "No! Stop! Let me just finish!" 

He's messing up my daily flow. 

Wattpad: 

This year definitely zapped my creativity. I had hopes of fixing three stories that had bad endings or no endings. I was going to redo Tabula Colton, Kasper, and Ahmed's Cub. I think they would work well with Wattpad, but need major re-writes. I've done almost nothing with them other than grammar and spelling. 

So much of my inspiration for storylines and characters came from being out and people watching. I got a ton from dinners/adventures out with my husband's clients and friends. He meets really interesting super wealthy people. This year has shut that down. 

I like the wattpad format though. I love all the interactive comments and getting so much feedback on my stories, but the readers are very different from nifty's audience. 

I get a lot of the readers who start out loving the series, but being a little concerned for the controlling character (Ali, Ari, Navid, etc...). They post a ton of comments and things are going well, but then they hit that one point in the story where it is clear that the main character is a submissive. Then I get a lot of negativity because they bonded with my characters and care about them, but don't accept the submissive/dominant relationship. I usually leave the comments unless they are too rude. 

I have a new storyline that has been growing in my head the last two months. I've written nothing on it though. It's a hunky younger guy who gets with an older guy who is super alpha in his daily routine, but super submissive in sexual situations. I'm just not feeling the pen-to-paper on it yet though. 

I hope 2021 brings a return to normalcy. I want my creativity back. I know I am completely privileged to have a husband who has kept me home and safe this year. He has gone out of his way to make COVID something we see on the news and not in our family. I am so so so grateful for that. I am grateful that I am healthy and safe even if I'm bored and blocked. 

My husband keeps saying, "Some seasons we aim for stars, in this season we aim for life." He can be a real fortune cookie some times.  

When do you let people go?

 I haven't blogged since January! I don't know if anyone still reads this. We have had a pretty crazy year. 

We moved to Texas this summer to be closer to my husband's family. It was the pandemic and then a death in his family (back in Iran). I couldn't really say no since he'd been away from his family for 8 years since he left Iran. His parents moved to Texas for a job last year and we'd talked about it. 

Things are good here, but I really miss California, and he is starting to remember why he moved halfway across the world from his family. We're not sure what to do, but we know we want to go back. 

I do want your advice though. 

I have a friend I grew up with and we were pretty much inseparable through high school. Things got kind of strained when I met my husband and even worse when I got married. He's kind of the gay best friend I wrote about in some of my series. 

He's always been that type that makes mean jokes and then acts like it's my problem if I get upset. 

When I got married and changed to online school, he made jokes about me being a houseboy or housewife or other terms. We grew up in the same neighborhood except that he had two parents and they had a house instead of an apartment. He never made me feel weird about being poor or not having the stuff he had. 

Now he is working and paying his way through college without much help from his parents and he kind of makes comments that show he is not happy that I'm not in the same situation. A lot of those "must be nice" comments. I feel bad for him.  

His social media makes it look like he is living the super posh life. A lot of it is fake, but I don't call him out on it, because he's my friend. 

Back when we lived in LA, he would post pics of our house or restaurants we'd take him to or my husband's car. My husband is annoyed with him, but he puts up with him because he's my friend. 

The rude jokes though! They are getting worse, especially during the pandemic when he has to keep working to pay his bills, and I complain about my husband not letting me leave the house. 

Last time, he said, "You don't have real problems. Keep his house clean and be happy." 

I know I can't have a serious conversation with him or even say he is being rude. It makes me sad. 

I don't know what to say to him about it, and I don't want to just drop him. 

I have bad memory with things. It's why I am a writer. I love how much he knows about me and all the funny things he remembers from growing up. Sometimes he will bring up some inside joke I have completely forgotten and he remembers every detail of how it happened and why it's funny. 

My husband thinks he is jealous and that things have become toxic. I have a hard time letting people go, even when it is way past time. 

Any thoughts? I really am not sure what to do. 

Growing Up

So I am starting to figure out how this whole adult thing works. 

Over the Christmas break, I had several little incidents with my husband that really bothered me. A few times, someone would ask me a question and my husband would interrupt and laugh then say, "Why you ask this to him? Emri does not know this." or "My Emri does not know these things. He is just a boy." 

It was usually questions about our schedule or upcoming events or other life plans. 

I got into it with my husband and he seemed surprised that I was offended. He said, "You do not wish to be an adult! I am happy with you being a simple one. This is what you want. Yes?" 

He told me he got this message because every time he tries to talk to me about bills or accounts or our investments I get a dazed look and ignore him. He showed me the file he has showed me before that has all the instructions on what to do if he dies. It has who to call and all the important information. 

He said he thought I didn't want to know any of this stuff or handle anything and he is happy to handle it for me. 

We had some important talks. I am finishing school soon and I want to not be a total dope about our life together. He said it would help him greatly if I could keep an eye on the house bills and manage the travel plans. He said it would let him focus more on his business knowing I was handling the home things. 

So this week I have paid the electricity and cable/internet bill. He is giving me little assignments. Every day I check the bank and credit card accounts and send him a summary all together in one email. I note any new charges or deposits and what they were for. 

Today I booked a hotel for us on the beach in San Diego for a nice weekend. He showed me how to use the points and then call the hotel to make sure we get the view we want. I am learning his logins for things and they are saved in my phone. 

He said that after I graduate, I could help out with his business since it is the source of our income. He said it would allow me time to write and clean and cook for us. I feel good about it. It's a step in the right direction. 

He also agreed to let me answer a question from his family without interrupting and making me feel small. Positive steps... 👼

January 13th

We are getting back to normal here. Lots of holiday travel. Texas was good. 

So my Lukas story got reported. I kinda knew it was coming because the chapters got more and more explicit. I kept pushing the boundaries and I guess someone thought it needed to be labeled as mature. The later chapters are definitely mature, but the first twenty or so are heavily edited... but whatever. 

Things are good with me and the husband. Now that we are back home we have some space again. 

The problem is that he has no need for space from me. If it were up to him, I would just stay at his side at all times. For me, I need some room. It's hard to write or blog or be creative when he is right next to me. Now we are home and he is working and driving around LA so I have some home time. 

The worst was last week when we went for business up in northern california. The room he booked was at an old hotel in San Francisco where the rooms are tiny. Not only were we together all day and night, but we were together in a small space. :) 

I shouldn't complain. He loves me like crazy and takes care of me and works to make a nice life for me... but I need some room to breathe sometimes. 

School is starting again next week. I should be finishing my degree this summer. That is crazy. I feel like I have been a college student forever. 

I am working on the Tabula Colton series on Wattpad. I labeled it mature ahead of time. It limits exposure to the series, but I guess it is good to do that. 

Happy New Year. 

Monday in Texas

I am so in love with my parent-in-laws. 

My mother-in-law did the sweetest thing. She had some pictures of us (me and husband) printed and hung them up in the bedroom we use when we are here in their home. She even framed the picture we took on our wedding day (the small, quick wedding because I was over trying to plan a big event). She put it on the dresser in our room. She said this is our place and wants us to feel at home. So sweet. 

His dad! Ok so my father-in-law is pushing my husband to teach me to drive and get me a car. I have no urge to drive. Maybe it's my generation, but we just aren't car people, at least not in LA. 

My husband does NOT like being told what to do with me. That is the one area of his life where he will push back on influence from his parents. When it comes to me, he likes to handle his boy. But he had been telling his dad that he was teaching me to drive. That was not true. 

So my FIL gave me the keys to his car and said "Why don't you drive it out of the driveway and then you can drive us up to the big road." They live on a small road that is like a long street that ends in a cul-de-sac where they are at the end

I looked at my husband with panic so he jumped in and said, "He is not used to your car. Is too big for him. He will be too nervous and damage things.  Is not for tiny boy." (FIL has a huge SUV)

That worked. Then we were driving to dinner and FIL asked what kind of car I will get. I don't know cars and car brands.  My husband only gets Lexus so I said Lexus. 

+++

Thanksgiving in Texas is going well. We went to the gym today and then went to a Persian market to get things his mom needed. His mom sent us to the one she goes to, but when we got close to it the neighborhood looked really sketchy! 

My husband said, "This is not a place for you!" That's what he says when a neighborhood does not look safe. It was an old shopping center on a busy street with run down apartments around it. It looked like the bad parts of the San Fernando Valley. Wide, crumbling boulevards stuffed with old apartments and payday lending businesses. 

The market was decent. It was mostly Arab people and I stuck by my husband and followed him. 

Usually he zones out in a grocery store. He pushes the cart and plays with his phone while I fill it with what we need. He only looks up when it is time to put his card in the little pay machine at checkout. But this time I was the cart pusher since I had no idea how to read what she wrote or how to read any of the packages. He guided us through it and did all the talking. 

We made it out ok. I didn't realize just how big of a Middle Eastern population this area has. I was definitely the one who stuck out.