I haven't blogged since January! I don't know if anyone still reads this. We have had a pretty crazy year.
We moved to Texas this summer to be closer to my husband's family. It was the pandemic and then a death in his family (back in Iran). I couldn't really say no since he'd been away from his family for 8 years since he left Iran. His parents moved to Texas for a job last year and we'd talked about it.
Things are good here, but I really miss California, and he is starting to remember why he moved halfway across the world from his family. We're not sure what to do, but we know we want to go back.
I do want your advice though.
I have a friend I grew up with and we were pretty much inseparable through high school. Things got kind of strained when I met my husband and even worse when I got married. He's kind of the gay best friend I wrote about in some of my series.
He's always been that type that makes mean jokes and then acts like it's my problem if I get upset.
When I got married and changed to online school, he made jokes about me being a houseboy or housewife or other terms. We grew up in the same neighborhood except that he had two parents and they had a house instead of an apartment. He never made me feel weird about being poor or not having the stuff he had.
Now he is working and paying his way through college without much help from his parents and he kind of makes comments that show he is not happy that I'm not in the same situation. A lot of those "must be nice" comments. I feel bad for him.
His social media makes it look like he is living the super posh life. A lot of it is fake, but I don't call him out on it, because he's my friend.
Back when we lived in LA, he would post pics of our house or restaurants we'd take him to or my husband's car. My husband is annoyed with him, but he puts up with him because he's my friend.
The rude jokes though! They are getting worse, especially during the pandemic when he has to keep working to pay his bills, and I complain about my husband not letting me leave the house.
Last time, he said, "You don't have real problems. Keep his house clean and be happy."
I know I can't have a serious conversation with him or even say he is being rude. It makes me sad.
I don't know what to say to him about it, and I don't want to just drop him.
I have bad memory with things. It's why I am a writer. I love how much he knows about me and all the funny things he remembers from growing up. Sometimes he will bring up some inside joke I have completely forgotten and he remembers every detail of how it happened and why it's funny.
My husband thinks he is jealous and that things have become toxic. I have a hard time letting people go, even when it is way past time.
Any thoughts? I really am not sure what to do.
I have the opposite problem. I cut people out too quickly and then regret it.
ReplyDeleteI am also horrible with keeping in contact with people and the pandemic has only made that issue worse.
As for your friend, if he is/was a real friend, you should be able to tell him you don't appreciate the jokes, that they screw with your head and if he IS a friend and wants to remain friends he needs to cut the crap. Put it back on him, and if he keeps it up you can walk away knowing that you were honest with him. Sometimes we really do just grow in different directions from those we were once very close to.
Glad to see you back to blogging. I missed your updates!
ReplyDeleteSorry to read about your 'friend problem'. I agree with New in NePA that you should talk about it with him. I think he would love to stay friends, but is going through things.. he might not realise how his behaviour is affecting you.
If he does not change, it's time to let him go. No need to do that with a lot of drama I think. Just talk to him less.
Hope you're ok!
Martin
Yea! You’re back, I hope:) I found you because you haven’t posted a story update for a bit and I wondered if you were done with Wattpad, or just like a lot of authors I follow who seem to be busy right now. Which I totally get:). I’m just bored and missing my stories. And your stories are my favorites.
ReplyDeleteSo I kind of agree with your husband. Sounds jealous, and turning toxic. But I’m kind of like you. Once someone is in my close circle they have to eff up royally before I’d cut them out. Can you just dial it back but not completely cut him out?
I have to say the clean his house makes me mad just reading it, and I don’t even know you guys, lol. Wth. That’s not nice at all.
Hope you keep blogging, and happy holidays!
Thank you. This year has kind of zapped my creativity.
DeleteI did just that with the dialing it back. I stopped interacting with his posts and it took only a day and a half before he was texting asking if he hurt my feelings. I didn't really know how to respond to that. Sharing how I feel doesn't do much good there. The house cleaning comment was a new level and it made me feel like this isn't as good of a friend as I thought.
If I were a good friend I would rather know I hurt your feelings so I can have a chance to make it right going forward instead of just losing you as a friend.
DeleteBut you don’t owe him that of course, and clearly he knows at least after the fact that he was being mean since he texted you asking if he hurt your feelings.
The good thing about technology is it’s less awkward to have uncomfortable talks by text than in person or phone calls, if you decide you want to tell him. He definitely sounds jealous. He should still want you to be in a good place though and not struggling like him. And he should know no matter how great your life may seem to him we almost all have things that are difficult or not perfect.
I hope you had a great New Year's and everyone you care about did too. Happy New Year and may 2021 be an amazing year for you and best wishes to everyone reading this comment. :)
ReplyDeleteHappy 2021!