Hot guys picnic

 For Christmas, my husband and his parents bought me pretty much every kitchen tool I saw on tv this year and said, "oh we should try that!" 

I think they feel bad for me, but I really am interested in things other than cleaning and food. 

For the cleaning thing, I really am a bad gay stereotype. I like things in their place and I love when my husband's mother comes into our house and does this little head nod with a smile. 

I will say, the air fryer is the best invention ever! 

Last night they came for dinner, and I made them chicken in the air fryer. His mom brought a big salad she'd made and the two things were so good together. 

The juicer is somehow masculine enough for my husband to get into. He loved shoving giant vegetables into the machine. We made a celery, carrot, cucumber, apple juice then I added frozen berries to the glasses. It was so good. 

I'm enjoying spending all this time with his family, but we are both ready to get back to California when all this is over. 

We have had so many meals in our car or a park this year. It's become our habit when we need to get out of the house. We order online, pull up for curbside, then either eat in the car or go to a nearby park. 

Yesterday we ate in our car in the parking lot of the park because it was a little busy. There was an endless supply of hot guys out running! We live just a mile from the most popular trail that runs along the bayou. It was funny because every guy who would pass, we would say "yes" or "no" for who we liked. I'm sure all couples do this at some point. My husband gave a few yeses to some passing girls as well! I didn't vote on any girls. 

It's funny how much he has changed. He used to never ever comment on guys he thought were cute, and I wouldn't have even dared to do that.  Now it's like "Ok, whatever. We're together forever so it's cool."

It also surprised me that he isn't just into white boys like me. He has a pretty good spectrum of interests. 

Did anyone else stay up late with the election news? I fell asleep on my guy's chest about 10, but I know he was up late (He's still sleeping in). He will be happy for the news when he wakes up. It'll help us get the rest of his family here. He has two brothers and their families still back in Iran. I know how much that will mean to his family to be together again. 

Today's font is Georgia. 😀

New Year 2021

I feel like this year has been a deep dive into the "What are you doing with your life?" question. It has definitely reframed it for our family, and I doubt many people would be answering that question with anything similar to this time last year. 

Without all this craziness, I doubt we would have moved to Texas to be near my husband's family. We are both ready to head back to California, but there have been some nice things about it too. 

The last few years my husband was working like crazy to build something secure for us. This year he has been able to relax a lot more. It forced him to take a step back, and think about the kind of guy he wants to be going forward. 

It's definitely made him more needing of my time and attention. Last year at this time, I was practically begging him to step back from his crazy workload and do things with me. Now it's kind of the opposite. I'm trying to clean something or cook something, and he shows up wanting to participate. Yesterday he stopped me while I was vacuuming because "The vacuum sounds weird. Lemme take a look at it." 😆 I was like, "No! Stop! Let me just finish!" 

He's messing up my daily flow. 

Wattpad: 

This year definitely zapped my creativity. I had hopes of fixing three stories that had bad endings or no endings. I was going to redo Tabula Colton, Kasper, and Ahmed's Cub. I think they would work well with Wattpad, but need major re-writes. I've done almost nothing with them other than grammar and spelling. 

So much of my inspiration for storylines and characters came from being out and people watching. I got a ton from dinners/adventures out with my husband's clients and friends. He meets really interesting super wealthy people. This year has shut that down. 

I like the wattpad format though. I love all the interactive comments and getting so much feedback on my stories, but the readers are very different from nifty's audience. 

I get a lot of the readers who start out loving the series, but being a little concerned for the controlling character (Ali, Ari, Navid, etc...). They post a ton of comments and things are going well, but then they hit that one point in the story where it is clear that the main character is a submissive. Then I get a lot of negativity because they bonded with my characters and care about them, but don't accept the submissive/dominant relationship. I usually leave the comments unless they are too rude. 

I have a new storyline that has been growing in my head the last two months. I've written nothing on it though. It's a hunky younger guy who gets with an older guy who is super alpha in his daily routine, but super submissive in sexual situations. I'm just not feeling the pen-to-paper on it yet though. 

I hope 2021 brings a return to normalcy. I want my creativity back. I know I am completely privileged to have a husband who has kept me home and safe this year. He has gone out of his way to make COVID something we see on the news and not in our family. I am so so so grateful for that. I am grateful that I am healthy and safe even if I'm bored and blocked. 

My husband keeps saying, "Some seasons we aim for stars, in this season we aim for life." He can be a real fortune cookie some times.  

When do you let people go?

 I haven't blogged since January! I don't know if anyone still reads this. We have had a pretty crazy year. 

We moved to Texas this summer to be closer to my husband's family. It was the pandemic and then a death in his family (back in Iran). I couldn't really say no since he'd been away from his family for 8 years since he left Iran. His parents moved to Texas for a job last year and we'd talked about it. 

Things are good here, but I really miss California, and he is starting to remember why he moved halfway across the world from his family. We're not sure what to do, but we know we want to go back. 

I do want your advice though. 

I have a friend I grew up with and we were pretty much inseparable through high school. Things got kind of strained when I met my husband and even worse when I got married. He's kind of the gay best friend I wrote about in some of my series. 

He's always been that type that makes mean jokes and then acts like it's my problem if I get upset. 

When I got married and changed to online school, he made jokes about me being a houseboy or housewife or other terms. We grew up in the same neighborhood except that he had two parents and they had a house instead of an apartment. He never made me feel weird about being poor or not having the stuff he had. 

Now he is working and paying his way through college without much help from his parents and he kind of makes comments that show he is not happy that I'm not in the same situation. A lot of those "must be nice" comments. I feel bad for him.  

His social media makes it look like he is living the super posh life. A lot of it is fake, but I don't call him out on it, because he's my friend. 

Back when we lived in LA, he would post pics of our house or restaurants we'd take him to or my husband's car. My husband is annoyed with him, but he puts up with him because he's my friend. 

The rude jokes though! They are getting worse, especially during the pandemic when he has to keep working to pay his bills, and I complain about my husband not letting me leave the house. 

Last time, he said, "You don't have real problems. Keep his house clean and be happy." 

I know I can't have a serious conversation with him or even say he is being rude. It makes me sad. 

I don't know what to say to him about it, and I don't want to just drop him. 

I have bad memory with things. It's why I am a writer. I love how much he knows about me and all the funny things he remembers from growing up. Sometimes he will bring up some inside joke I have completely forgotten and he remembers every detail of how it happened and why it's funny. 

My husband thinks he is jealous and that things have become toxic. I have a hard time letting people go, even when it is way past time. 

Any thoughts? I really am not sure what to do. 

Growing Up

So I am starting to figure out how this whole adult thing works. 

Over the Christmas break, I had several little incidents with my husband that really bothered me. A few times, someone would ask me a question and my husband would interrupt and laugh then say, "Why you ask this to him? Emri does not know this." or "My Emri does not know these things. He is just a boy." 

It was usually questions about our schedule or upcoming events or other life plans. 

I got into it with my husband and he seemed surprised that I was offended. He said, "You do not wish to be an adult! I am happy with you being a simple one. This is what you want. Yes?" 

He told me he got this message because every time he tries to talk to me about bills or accounts or our investments I get a dazed look and ignore him. He showed me the file he has showed me before that has all the instructions on what to do if he dies. It has who to call and all the important information. 

He said he thought I didn't want to know any of this stuff or handle anything and he is happy to handle it for me. 

We had some important talks. I am finishing school soon and I want to not be a total dope about our life together. He said it would help him greatly if I could keep an eye on the house bills and manage the travel plans. He said it would let him focus more on his business knowing I was handling the home things. 

So this week I have paid the electricity and cable/internet bill. He is giving me little assignments. Every day I check the bank and credit card accounts and send him a summary all together in one email. I note any new charges or deposits and what they were for. 

Today I booked a hotel for us on the beach in San Diego for a nice weekend. He showed me how to use the points and then call the hotel to make sure we get the view we want. I am learning his logins for things and they are saved in my phone. 

He said that after I graduate, I could help out with his business since it is the source of our income. He said it would allow me time to write and clean and cook for us. I feel good about it. It's a step in the right direction. 

He also agreed to let me answer a question from his family without interrupting and making me feel small. Positive steps... 👼

January 13th

We are getting back to normal here. Lots of holiday travel. Texas was good. 

So my Lukas story got reported. I kinda knew it was coming because the chapters got more and more explicit. I kept pushing the boundaries and I guess someone thought it needed to be labeled as mature. The later chapters are definitely mature, but the first twenty or so are heavily edited... but whatever. 

Things are good with me and the husband. Now that we are back home we have some space again. 

The problem is that he has no need for space from me. If it were up to him, I would just stay at his side at all times. For me, I need some room. It's hard to write or blog or be creative when he is right next to me. Now we are home and he is working and driving around LA so I have some home time. 

The worst was last week when we went for business up in northern california. The room he booked was at an old hotel in San Francisco where the rooms are tiny. Not only were we together all day and night, but we were together in a small space. :) 

I shouldn't complain. He loves me like crazy and takes care of me and works to make a nice life for me... but I need some room to breathe sometimes. 

School is starting again next week. I should be finishing my degree this summer. That is crazy. I feel like I have been a college student forever. 

I am working on the Tabula Colton series on Wattpad. I labeled it mature ahead of time. It limits exposure to the series, but I guess it is good to do that. 

Happy New Year. 

Monday in Texas

I am so in love with my parent-in-laws. 

My mother-in-law did the sweetest thing. She had some pictures of us (me and husband) printed and hung them up in the bedroom we use when we are here in their home. She even framed the picture we took on our wedding day (the small, quick wedding because I was over trying to plan a big event). She put it on the dresser in our room. She said this is our place and wants us to feel at home. So sweet. 

His dad! Ok so my father-in-law is pushing my husband to teach me to drive and get me a car. I have no urge to drive. Maybe it's my generation, but we just aren't car people, at least not in LA. 

My husband does NOT like being told what to do with me. That is the one area of his life where he will push back on influence from his parents. When it comes to me, he likes to handle his boy. But he had been telling his dad that he was teaching me to drive. That was not true. 

So my FIL gave me the keys to his car and said "Why don't you drive it out of the driveway and then you can drive us up to the big road." They live on a small road that is like a long street that ends in a cul-de-sac where they are at the end

I looked at my husband with panic so he jumped in and said, "He is not used to your car. Is too big for him. He will be too nervous and damage things.  Is not for tiny boy." (FIL has a huge SUV)

That worked. Then we were driving to dinner and FIL asked what kind of car I will get. I don't know cars and car brands.  My husband only gets Lexus so I said Lexus. 

+++

Thanksgiving in Texas is going well. We went to the gym today and then went to a Persian market to get things his mom needed. His mom sent us to the one she goes to, but when we got close to it the neighborhood looked really sketchy! 

My husband said, "This is not a place for you!" That's what he says when a neighborhood does not look safe. It was an old shopping center on a busy street with run down apartments around it. It looked like the bad parts of the San Fernando Valley. Wide, crumbling boulevards stuffed with old apartments and payday lending businesses. 

The market was decent. It was mostly Arab people and I stuck by my husband and followed him. 

Usually he zones out in a grocery store. He pushes the cart and plays with his phone while I fill it with what we need. He only looks up when it is time to put his card in the little pay machine at checkout. But this time I was the cart pusher since I had no idea how to read what she wrote or how to read any of the packages. He guided us through it and did all the talking. 

We made it out ok. I didn't realize just how big of a Middle Eastern population this area has. I was definitely the one who stuck out. 

Texas and Colton

Well we are in Texas! We flew in and we'll be here for at least this week. I am excited. His family has big plans for their first Thanksgiving here. His mom is going to make a feast. 

Also. I started retooling Tabula Colton for Wattpad. Please check it out if you want to see what I do with it. Also please vote on each chapter so I can feel better about myself. hahahaha. 

Steven R McQueen is my Colton. Henry Golding is my Mr. Takada. :) 

In the original series I kind of got off track with side characters. I want to bring it back and rework the ending of it. Also I am going to add an ending! haha. The story never really had one on nifty. 

Anyways! Lots of relaxing family time should help my husband with stress. He is going to cut back on the work next week. Our flight was quick and uneventful. I slept, he typed, plane flew. 

Awkward Gym!

We went to the gym this morning. My husband got SO upset! 

I was running on a treadmill and this hot guy with a gym nametag came over and introduced himself. 

I got scared and I took my earbud out and slowed my run. Then he starts asking me what kind of workout I usually do. 

Me: Umm. Just this stuff and yoga usually. 

Him: Ahh yeah. Have you thought about weights? 

Me: No, just the freeweights at home usually. 

Him: I could totally show you some routines and help you bulk up some! Have you had sessions with a trainer before? 

So I realize he is a trainer trying to sell me sessions. I've never had that happen at our gym. Then he asks if my parents have a plan for it. I realize he thinks I'm a teenager. 

My husband comes over in a rush looking heated. He shooed the guy away politely but he looked really upset. The whole thing was so uncomfortable! I told my husband he was just trying to sell training packages. So husband talked to the manager about interrupting people's workouts to sell things. The manager said that's not their policy and apologized. Then we left. 

So I guess we won't be back to that gym. It wasn't the one we usually go to. It was really awkward. 

My husband said, "He tries to sell more than plan. He has eyes. I know those eyes!" 

So I gave him a nice massage when we got home. He gets so worked up over that stuff. 

He said, "I do not want my boy bothered like this. He need to be train better!" 

Happy Saturday! :) 

Updates

So this week we got some bad news from the doctor. My husband needs to take a step back from his constant work craziness. It is aging him and giving him health problems he shouldn't be facing at 31. 

He didn't tell me at first. We went for his checkup and he and the doctor were talking in Farsi because of course we must have a Persian doctor! :)  

He has to take it easier. He has to take less business and turn over more to the two assistants he's been pretty rough on. He says they do good work, but it's not his level. 

He said, "It's hard. There is SO much opportunity here. It is so easy to make money in this country if you put in the work! In Iran you are born into a class and there is not the ease to move up. People get jobs and opportunity at birth. This country has every possibility." 

I am trying my best to learn new massage techniques to help him relax. He loves that I am trying them out on him. Last night we watched our first holiday movie. We'll get a tree when we get back from Thanksgiving in Texas. 

He normally doesn't open up to me about stress. I had to get him naked, under the covers, with just a soft lamp glow before he'd tell me. He said it is so hard to say no to all the dollars flying around and deals keep popping up. He wants to give me this magical high priced life that we really don't need. 

I told him I could get a job since I'll finish my degree soon. 

Him: I will not have my boy working! What kind of man can't provide the life his family deserve?

Me: I don't care about having this big house. I want a long life together, not a Gucci one. I don't want you killing yourself trying to buy me junk I don't need. I'd be ok in an apartment if it meant you had peace. 

Him: You don't know the life you gave me. I was ready to head home to Iran. I'd be there now, married to an older woman with a good job and I'd try to have a Persian version of you on the side. I never thought I could have this and it is so hard to not give it my everything, to give you my everything. 

I know he is so happy to have his parents here and his other brothers should be coming in a few years when the immigration thing cools down. 

He agreed to set actual work hours for himself and rely on his assistants more. He said he has made good investments with the profits so we have funds for his retirement and our future kids. 

He is going to try and turn off work by 7 each night and dedicate more time to relaxing, watching movies, and playing his video games with his friends. And we plan to use our Disneyland passes more frequently. It's nice to just go for dinner and walk. We easily do 4-5 miles in an evening and talk about things. 

He is also going to try and actually work out when we go to the gym instead of just doing the minimum on the machines and socializing with people. 

It's funny. Every time we go to the gym he makes new friends. He will start doing reps but then some other muscle hunk will talk to him and by the time I finish he's lost time.  

He's said this stuff before. I hope he can do it. I need him; not the money or house or trips or financial stuff. 

I love making artistic covers for the Lukas chapters! So cool! :)