Halloween!

We are exhausted! So many trick-or-treaters came to our house. We opened the front gate and put a lighted sign that said "Candy" with an arrow pointing at our house. 

We didn't think many people would come. We live up in the hills and it is big houses with lots of older people. But the people from the packed in neighborhoods below us come up to the hills for the good candy so we had a ton of people! Thankfully my husband insisted on buying lots of candy just in case. We figured we'd just load kids up if not many came. 

It was a HOT dad parade!! OMG. Down below us there are a lot of Arab and Persian and Asian families and some of those dads! Wow! And when did dads start wearing hot costumes? We had dads in tight body suits and dads in muscle shirts and capes. I would say at least 1 of every 5th trick-or-treater brought some dad candy. :) 

My husband made lots of new friends. I handed out lots of candy to the kids and kept saying, "Take an extra one for your daddy!" hahaha. Of course I said NONE of this to my husband. 

We both dressed up. I was an Angels player and he did Batman. He looks pretty hot too. :)  We gave out five big bags of candy. That's almost 1000 pieces! We still have a bowl left so husband will take it to work tomorrow. I had one small bag of M&Ms. He had... quite a few. 

Book Review and Related Conversations

This book! This book! I read it in 2 days flat and it is a heartbreaking, brutally honest look at growing up with an abusive parent. The Dangerous Art of Blending In 

17 year old Evan Panos lives in a small town in Illinois with his greek immigrant parents. His mother has mental issues and has beaten him since childhood to get the demons out and make him right with God. His father, a handsome Greek baker, seems frozen and unable to help. 

The story follows a series of disappointing bystanders as Evan tries again and again to get help only to be pushed back to his abuser. 

Things get weirder when his best friend Henry comes back from summer and has turned into a muscle hunk who confesses his love for Evan. Evan loves him too and yet that doesn't really fix things. 

Sounds like a book you don't want to read, right? Oh but it's good! 

The author, a design star on several cable shows I have never seen, reveals it is his own story. 

There is so much to say about this book! 

I related to having issues with a mother since mine left pretty early on. I talked to my dad about it. I don't remember much of being with her. I remember a lot of happy meals at the park. 

I remember her yelling at me for not finishing my food because she had finished her cigarette and wanted to go. I'd start to tear up and she'd feel bad and yell at herself then tell me I was ok and not to listen to her. 

She'd say, "Mean mommy, right?" Then I'd tell her, "No, mommy. You're not mean." 

Then she'd call a friend or my dad or someone on her phone so I could just sit there and play with the happy meal toy while I slowly worked through the chicken nuggets. She had this silver flip phone she'd never let me touch. 

"Did she ever hit me?" I asked my dad this. I don't recall it. She wasn't cut out to be a mom, but she also wasn't cut out to be abusive. 

"God no! Her parents hit her plenty. She worried she would too. As far as I know she never did. Why? Did you suddenly have a memory of that or something?" He looked concerned when he said this, but I could tell he was being honest. He didn't look away. Whatever my dad's faults, he is always ready to step up and make sure I am ok. 

Evan's mother, in the book, calls him a poo-sti, the greek word for the gay f word. 

I asked my husband what the Persian word for it is. He doesn't like to talk about those things. He wouldn't tell me. 

I asked him if his parents had ever hit him. He said "Yes, of course! Persian parents are tough." I made him promise he'd never do that to our kids. He said of course he wouldn't. He said they will have the happy, soft childhood I had, but with two parents. 

My husband has decided I need to read happier books! This one was pretty rough, but so beautiful and Evan is such an endearing character who just keeps going. I'd never have the guts to take one of my characters through such a rough story arc. It's just not part of my history. 

Thirsty Bears are after my husband!

First of all, Lukas is blowing up on Wattpad! I am so happy it is taking off. Please go read and vote for each chapter if you have the time and are bored. Please!! 

https://www.wattpad.com/story/193929654-lukas-the-lion

It is topping out in a few categories. Nothing super big, but still so exciting. 

+++ +++ +++ 

Today we went to the gym. We like this one in Orange where the cardio is facing the weights area all on one level. Most of the gyms have the cardio on one floor and the weights on another. 

This setup means he can do his weights and pop his head up to see me. It also means he isn't texting me every five minutes while I'm trying to run. 

Anyways!! So it was half empty when we went today and I was watching him do his routine while I was running. 

I notice these two bear gays come in. They start hovering around the weights then they spot my husband doing the pull-up bar. He looks AMAZING on the pull-up bar and his tank top slides up and his tummy is just the best. It's not a six pack right now, but it is very cute, especially with the waistband of his underwear showing as his shorts slide down.... yum. 

These guys start doing their weights, but they are staring him down like thirsty thirsty guys! Then he moved over to chest press and they follow and get a nearby machine. They were talking to each other, but watching him, probably discussing the dirty things they would want to do with my husband. 

It was funny to watch because my guy had no idea they were scoping him hard! I was watching with enjoyment until one of them took out his phone and discretely took some shots of him (I assumed that's what they were doing). 

I texted my husband to let him know. He looked up at me with a raised eyebrow and I pointed his attention towards them. He just laughed and then he went over and made friends with them. He helped them do some weights and they were drooling over him big time. 

We laughed about it on the way home. He never sees when guys just drool over him. 

I pointed out that if two guys were doing that to me he would have flown into a rage and stomped over to me to tear into them. 

"Of course I will protect you! But you have no need to be jealous for me." He was flattered that I got jealous. 

In his thinking there is no danger of him being flirted with, but it is not ok for me. In his thinking I am a helpless, defenseless little innocent who will be taken by a stronger man. He says he is capable of defending himself if someone tries to force themselves on him, but I am not. I must be protected and not bothered by evil men with dirty things in their heads. 

Newport Drama.

Another fun weekend. We carved pumpkins for Halloween. They turned out pretty cool! My husband loves any kind of Americana tradition stuff. I looked up some youtube videos with tips and got some advice so I wouldn't totally mess it up. So now we have the Halloween lights hung up outside and the pumpkins on the front porch that no one can see because of the front wall... such is LA. It's nice to have a real house to decorate. Even my dad helped us hang stuff. 

Yesterday we went to Disneyland. It was so crowded and the only thing we could get a fast pass for was Star Tours which is a cheesy older 3-D ride. It was fun though. We mostly just walked around a lot and did the easy entry rides like Little Mermaid and Goofy's Adventure. We watched the mariachi show too. I got a vampire mickey mouse doll. He's so cute. He's hanging out on our dining room table in the bowl of fall decorations. 

Today we went to a park near the beach for a BBQ with the LGBT family group. 

We had fun, but usually my husband gets kind of sad that we aren't there with a child. 

Today though there was one male couple arguing with each other and it was uncomfortable. Then there was a lesbian couple talking about the private preschool and how much it costs plus they are constantly being hassled for donations and their son doesn't even like it there. haha. Then another couple was talking about their kid hitting other kids and they want him to stop but don't like punishing him. Lots of issues! 

We got back into the car and my husband drove us out of the park and then we stopped at a red light and he took my hand. 

He said, "You know... It's not too bad just the two of us. Right?" 

I said, "Yeah... I guess. We have a good life." 

He said, "I do want child, many of them. But until then I am good with just my one boy." Then he kissed my cheek and squeezed my hand. It was nice. 

Fun Weekend. :)

New Lukas up on wattpad... 

What a weekend. Last night we went on this restaurant tour of downtown Santa Ana. It was a set of restaurants and you walked around getting food and drink, like small size samples, from each one. I had never been to downtown Santa Ana. It's old and pretty with big plazas. 

I didn't eat much, but my husband loved it. You got one item from each place so he ate for both of us and drank all the beer samples. I had a small taco and a really good strawberry almond salad and some peach gelato. They had random dance areas in the plazas and blasting music. It was cool! 

We went with a couple that are clients of my husband. IT WAS WEIRD! So the one guy was about my husband's age and the main guy (the one with the money) was about the age of my husband's father. They had to be 30 years apart! They were nice though, but the younger guy was kind of disrespectful to the older guy. Some of his comments were rude. 

When we got back home and out of the uber, I told him, "Adam [the younger guy] was so mean to his man. He was disrespectful. I would never even think to talk to you like that." 

He joked, "Of course not. You are my boy and I raise you right. I rule with iron fist to keep my boy in line!" 

So apparently the older guy had been married to a lady and they have kids and all, but after 20 years he came out and they split. He went younger... 

I asked my husband if he would go younger than me if we split up. 

Him: If I go any younger I will be in jail! 

Me: Well maybe in 20 years? 

Him: 20 years is all we have left? I don't like you have time on us!

Me: Well, no. Like maybe if I died or something. If a meteor hit me or something. You'd find a younger guy? 

Him: No. I will steal a rocket and blast to space to avenge your death! No time to date while I am hunt the meteors!

Me: Nevermind.... 

He's not good for serious conversation after too many beers. That's why we took Uber. Fun night! 

Lukas & Science Lights

I am on chapter 23 of the Lukas series on Wattpad and I am planning two more chapters to wrap up Hayden. I want to do a chapter from Tank's perspective where he can sort things out with his parents. Or at least come to some sort of being ok with it. 

How is your week, Emri? 

Well it's going pretty great. I have been doing a ton of school work and I am caught up and actually mostly finished for the week! 

Husband is good too. He is working on going to sleep at the same time as me. He never falls asleep as quickly as I do, but at least getting to bed with me. The past few weeks before we went to Texas he would put me to bed and then go work for another hour or so. 

I think he realizes that his work is never going to stop so last night he put everything on silence and moved our charging station away from the bed so he won't be as tempted to check it. 

One side effect is that I forgot how much he snores. When he was going back to work after I fell asleep then it gave me time to get into deep sleep before he came back and I almost never woke up. The snoring isn't bad. It's somewhat comforting and makes his chest rumble. 

We got some Halloween lights and this weekend we will put them up on the house. 

We want string lights that we can put up and have them glow purple in October, brown/orange in November, and then red/white for December. 

Apparently that does not exist! Seriously? In 2019 you can't get lights that change colors for the seasons? 

This is our first real house to decorate for the holidays. Science needs to catch up. 

Gay Days Disney 2019

Yesterday my husband and I went to Gay Days at Disneyland. I begged, BEGGED him to go because he doesn't like that kind of stuff. He's not anti gay or anything, he just doesn't really identify with it. 

He didn't grow up feeling like he didn't fit in with other guys. He didn't grow up smaller and weaker and bad at sports and all of the other cliches of being a gay boy in a straight world. He didn't grow up like me. 

So to him it doesn't feel like community to be in that kind of space like it does for me. 

I remember my first pride when I was 16 and didn't know that a hot Persian alpha-jock-bro was in my future. My dad took me. He has a friend who is gay and they decided I was old enough for it. We didn't do anything wild. We went to the parade and just walked around. That's the kind of awesome dad I have. He was on one side of me and his friend on the other and I got to just be there and observe and it was amazing. 

LA Pride 2013! 

These nuns always scare the crap out of me! They are at every pride event!

He wanted me to see that there were lots of people like me. I knew that, of course. My high school had an alliance club and lots of kids were out and it wasn't a big deal, but lots of kids that year were killing themselves. Every time dad saw or read or heard something about it he got really freaked and made me promise that I'd tell him if I ever felt that way. 

It didn't help that I was already seeing a counselor for my eating issues. He somehow linked it to that and thought I was trying to just waste away to nothing. 

"You can't fade out on me. You're my kid." I remember him saying that a few times after he'd caught me getting rid of food. Ugh ok this post spiraled into sadness. haha. No no no!! 

Gay Days Disney was different. There is no parade and they don't allow shirtless or odd costumes. It was very chill and filled with a lot of regular gays from other places. There were a lot of older ones too. 

We spent the first hour or so walking around and then one of my husband's clients invited us to their hotel room. They were staying at the resort inside the California adventure side of Disneyland. It was fun. We hung out in their room. They are nice older guys. Yesterday was intense sunshine so taking a break in their cold room was a good break. 

My husband slathered me with sunblock and we mostly just people watched. We rode our normal rides, Pirates of the Caribbean, Indiana Jones, Little Mermaid. The first and third are the ones I always demand. 

Husband likes Indiana Jones, but it constantly breaks down. Out of the ten or so times we have ridden it, it has broken down 5 or 6 of those. You go through an adventure in an old Jeep, but sometimes it just stops and sometimes the lights go off. A disney worker will come out and assure us that it is ok and then the ride will start again. 

Everyone wears red. We wore regular clothes. They do this huge group picture in front of the castle, but we weren't in it. 

That's ok though. I know my husband pushed through his comfort zone to take me to it. Even though he didn't want to be there and didn't feel safe having me there (he always worries about attacks and things like that can be a big target), he still did his best to let me have fun. It was a good day. 

The only sad part was watching his face when we saw two guys pushing strollers or holding their kids. I know he wants that for us and he is so ready to be a dad. He didn't talk about it, but his eyes lingered whenever we crossed their paths.