I think after our vacation, it kind of hit me how real things are. Like yes I am really married and part of this big Persian family. And yes, I am expected to be the supportive house-husband and now that his parents are in the country, his mom is kind of pressuring me to step up in my care for her son.
I facetime with his dad a lot and now even more since we are much closer in time zones. Sometimes he calls when he knows A is at work and I am home alone. A few times, my mother-in-law has made comments through him asking if I am trying the recipes she sent with me (she had them translated into English), or asking if I am hosting dinner parties at our home for A's clients, and adding a personal touch to help him with his business. She asked which dry cleaner I use for his suits (Like she knows the dry cleaners in Los Angeles??). She wanted to know if they are Persian or Armenian since those are "the best ones" to use. My father-in-law laughed and shook his head at that.
My husband told me to just smile, tell her yes, and thank her for her help. He says not to worry about actually taking any of her "suggestions." But still it kind of bugs me. Like there is this undertone there that I am not taking care of her son like she expects. He says it's not like that. He says she is bored in this new country and treating me like she does with his brothers' wives. He says it is a compliment that she accepts me and isn't weird about us or treating me badly. He said she always tells him what a good and sweet boy I am and how blessed he is to have me. I don't know if that's true... but I'll take it.
Ok about Lukas! I am halfway through chapter 20. I need to just do it. I am thinking about what to write next. Readers have urged me to venture off of my normal small white boy finds hunky Arab dom... I can try... I guess.
Good to see you back, Emri! It sucks that your mother-in-law is pressuring you. Hope you are ok. Feel free to use the blog as some sort of group therapy.
ReplyDeleteIt's amazing reading about life with a true muslim alpha. The ups and the downs. Also: looking forward to chapter 20 of Lukas! :-)
Thank you! I am ok. My husband is feeling extra guilty about it so he's been super sweet all week. :) She means well and I know she likes me.
DeleteIt must be difficult for them though. My future mother in law has never really acknowledged us getting married, but she has been very happy to teach me Saudi dishes to make at home. She gets frustrated sometimes when I don't understand Arabic and she has to speak her broken English, but I'm learning.
DeleteThat's nice you are learning it. My husband hasn't been excited or helpful about me learning Farsi. I guess I could just get a book and try it. I think he likes to have either him or his father as the medium between his mother and me.
DeleteI think the only reason I'm learning it is that it will help me work with Zahir at the office.
DeleteThat and Baba wants me to take classes at the University. After so many years doing self-paced study it's hard to sit in a classroom again, not that I can call it a classroom it's more of a lecture hall.
I haven't even finished my bachelors and he's already worried about graduate studies. He seems to think I have the mind for physics. Thinking it might be nice to be a houseboy and work partner for a couple years take a break off school.
Z keeps telling me it is my choice to make.
Being over there you need to know it for a survival skill. Hopefully the classes are understandable. That would be super hard to have to do that in another language!
DeleteIt's nice he believes in you and thinks you are smart. Sometimes I really get the feeling mine thinks I am a dopey, happy kid. Ok most times I think he thinks that about me.
You are his sweet Emri, but you are not dopey. You are a very smart guy who is close to having a college degree. I think my guy is sometimes surprised at just how smart I am. Ha ha!
DeleteI am finding that learning Arabic is not really that difficult. What gets me, is the linguistics as I am not used to making the throaty sounds. His sister works with me on it all the time and I understand more and more when we are at the family gatherings, but I still don't speak a lot to the large group. Most of the conversation is directed at him anyway.
Your post brings back so many memories of my Jewish mother-in-law. The first time I met her I made homemade lasagna. As we were eating she asked about the sauce. I told her how I made it (all fresh...nothing canned or jarred) and she said “I like Prego the best”. I was broken-hearted. Several years ago she called us to let us know she was dying and wanted to see us. We drove to her home and she kicked everyone out but me. She then said how happy she was that I married her son and that I took great care of him and she could die knowing he was being taken care of. Took 20 years for her to tell me that....still brings tears to my eyes 5 years later to even write about it now... So, you never know what they are thinking....lol!
ReplyDeleteThat is so sweet! I know if I spoke a common language with my mother-in-law then things would be better. I am grateful that she accepts me for her son, especially since their culture is very unaccepting. She is just being the controlling matriarch that is expected of her culture and I know she means well.
DeleteI know the sitch... There are times Mama (Z's Mom) looks at me in the morning, or out shopping (her favorite contact sport) and I know she is seeing me as one of her boys. Then there are times when Zahir and are cuddling on the patio she is seeing the future "daughter"-in-law. I genuinely think she wants me to succeed in that role. I see how she treats the other brother's wives. There is no doubt who is at the top of the pecking order. She is "queen" of the family and the daughters-in-law all know it.
ReplyDeleteI think she accepts our relationship because of Zahir's service injuries. Something changes in a parent when your son almost dies. Mostly she sees her boy Z settling down. She recently said she was happy I had a "domesticating" effect on him.
I'm not sure I may have screwed up the translation, Arabic is hard. Baba says English and Arabic look through the looking glass at one an other. Each reflection is shrouded in local nuance and so each is difficult to master. Example: Today one of my new classmates insulted me in Arabic. The student assumed because I occasionally have to sign I am deaf. I turned and responded with "Bless your heart..." Baba knows in my southern culture that is neither a complement nor "blessing." Yes, Baba corrected me later.
It is different when you can speak her language and understand her. I wish I could do that some with A's mom. it always makes it a little awkward like we can never say something directly to each other. Plus I don't trust their translations sometimes. Sometimes they will try to make things extra nice between us. It's not like we are going to fight or argue, but they are both protective over both of us so they want things extra peaceful.
DeleteShe has asked about my mom a few times and then the translated questions just suddenly changed so it's like... what?? haha.
Hosting business dinners sounds dreadful
ReplyDeleteHe has had a few. He grills meat and I make salad and we get a dessert delivered from a place near us. A lot of times his clients prefer a restaurant. A lot of investors are out of town guys on their own here and want to see LA. But sometimes he works with older gay men who are taken by him and of course they want to see his home... then I'm there. hah.
DeleteI hope you don’t mean they want to see more than his home! That would be kinda creepy.
DeleteYes they do. He is an attractive alpha with a nice personality. He doesn't always see it when people are crushing on him.
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