What a week! He’s brought me with him to work three days this week. He says it’s because spring semester hasn’t started yet so he doesn’t want me home alone getting into trouble... but really I know he just likes having me with him as his assistant. Plus it lets him use the carpool lane on the freeways. He said he missed just being the two of us since last week he had to attend to his parents and brother. He missed hanging out with me.
I never get over that feeling that someone wants me around all the time. He says that a lot and every time it makes my heart twist. Sometimes I feel guilty for not always feeling the same. Sometimes I need some alone time. I love him more than anyone, but sometimes I need to just be with my thoughts or my art or my workouts. He doesn't understand that.
I think that's because when he has me with him he is himself plus his boy. When I am with him, I am his boy. That's kind of hard to explain. It's not that I'm not me, it's that his being, his personality, his essence is kind of overwhelming, like a bandwagon people can't help but get caught up in.
Mostly I just hang out on my phone or keep him entertained while he drives. We have a lot of good talks, but also good silence where he just reaches over to hold my hand while we inch along in traffic. He’s a really busy guy and I see how much he crams into his workday so he can be free at home and relax with me.
I’m trying to finish chapter 20 of Lukas, but it’s going slowly. I have a totally hot setup! I know what I want them to do, but it’s coming out cheesy and I don’t like it so I delete and backtrack and try another door.
Usually my best writing happens when I have a lot in my head with schoolwork and life pressures. This week has had none of that so my brain doesn’t escape into the story world I’m creating. Like there’s no reason to wander there. It’s been a good week for unwinding and pleasing my husband, but not for writing.
The weather has been so beautiful! I just want to lay in the sunshine. I missed California...
I get what you mean. I enjoy my alone time during the day when he is at work. I can clean and listen to music without having to stop what I'm doing and get him something. That sounds kind of rude, but I lived alone before he came along and changed everything. I also get what you mean about the times you guys are alone in your home. It is the same for us and the minute we go to a restaurant, a store, or anywhere else, I become invisible.
ReplyDeleteI sound like I'm complaining, but I'm not. Just agreeing with you. My relationship is so hard to explain to people sometimes. Ha!
Yes! When we are out and about I disappear into him. It's not even something I consciously do, but yeah... It is hard to understand for people not in situations like that. But I wouldn't trade it for anything.
DeleteI would not trade my Sajid for anything!! If people don't understand, well then, too bad :p
DeleteThere are times I wish I could disappear. Hard to do here. I stick out like a sore thumb. Zahir takes the lead but people here are politely interested about me.
DeleteIt gets overwhelming but I know it is just curiosity. Z knows how exhausting groups are to me. He keeps me home when I am drained. He reminds me he can make my world small again when I need it.
What would he say if you told him you felt that way? It sounds kind of peaceful in a way. Like you can live in the moment more because he’s the one driving, literally and figuratively.
ReplyDeleteHe knows I need to be me and have a life outside of "us." It got pretty bad our first year together and I got super sad and he finally understood. Now he makes it a point to schedule something where I see my friends without him being all over us at least once a month. Usually they come over here and we get pizza and a movie or something since he doesn't like me out alone.
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