Hayden 8 is up!

Finished up the newest chapter of Hayden this morning. YES That is Diego Tinoco in the picture. Love him. :) 

Click to check it out. Or copy paste link if you go incognito here: https://www.wattpad.com/756300565-hayden%27s-shelter-chapter-8-hayden-comes-home



I'm ranked! The story is doing really well. Thank you all for looking at it and voting and commenting support. :) 

I am so excited for this series! I know I keep saying that. I am super twisted about what to do with the Aaron character and I don't want to give too much away before people have had a chance to read it. It's funny because right now I am seriously not cool with one of the Aarons in my life. 

This kid I was friends with sort of in high school and then we crossed a few times when I was taking college classes on campus. He has been super rude since my husband and I moved to Orange County. I don't want to get into it, but he is out going to clubs and parties and sleeping with other guys and I guess he thinks I should be doing that too. He is unhappy that I'm married and have a husband with a job and a house? Like is that even something to be mad at someone about!? He's made some racist comments too about my Persian husband. 

ANYWAYS! My point is that I feel both sides for the Aarons vs the Tanks of this gay life. No one should have to be forced into being an out loud advocate but also no one should be shamed for having a little too much glitter in their wand. Does that make sense? 

I was never either of them. I wasn't the alpha jock dude bro and I wasn't the fierce diva. I was what my dad called a late bloomer. I was a quiet observer to this whole thing. I was too nerdy and shy and small to participate. 

My husband says he likes what a "Quiet boy" I am. That kind of bugs me too because I know he means I can pass for straight and blend into the wall. I'm not someone that stands out and risks getting attacked. I'm not proud of that. It's a form of privilege I guess. I don't worry so much about being hurt for being me. But I do worry for those people who do have to choose between being themselves and being safe. I worry for those who don't have a big Persian husband to protect them. 

Hayden Ch. 7

Chapter 7 is posted! :) 

So if you read Hayden's Shelter chapter six and then looked at it again you saw I cut off the end of it. It was a bomb I didn't feel good about dropping so I erased it. I slept on it then woke up the next morning and thought No no no! That was no good. I need to focus more on the relationship between Tank and Hayden. Tank is heading into a more alarming area. He's not the dreamboat Hayden thinks he is and there will be red flags. Great Big Flags! :) Ok maybe not. but we'll see what happens! 

Thank you to everyone who checked it out and voted on it. I am trying to break it into ranking so more people can see it. I like where it is going. :) Please vote if you like it. :) I like making art for each chapter. 

Next week we will be on a cruise in the wild! I am so excited. Husband is SO not excited. We have a beautiful room with a deck and champagne and everything. He is more concerned with the wifi in the room so he can keep working while we are on the high seas. That is ok because I will have his family to entertain me. 

I've been listening to mormon podcasts and watching lots of youtube videos to research for the new series. Also I found a show called Big Love. It is interesting! It's about a polygamous family in Utah and wow it is good. I didn't grow up in a religion so it is interesting to explore. 

Bigger Earthquake! So Scary!!

Ok that was the biggest earthquake that has happened in my lifetime and OMG that was some crazy shit. Yesterday's was just over 6 on the scale and tonight's was over 7!! It was not NOT the gentle rolling quake from last time. This was a big jolty quake that made cabinets open in the kitchen and a cutting board fell off the counter. I know that sounds stupid but it was seriously scary!! So crazy. I do not like this. 

Husband says they had them in Iran this big. I am seriously freaked. He says we can sleep in a tent in the yard if I want, but he really doesn't want to do that. I just feel dizzy, like things are spinning and weird. 

No writing on the next Hayden chapter tonight. I am about halfway through the next chapter (chapter 6). Please read it and give it a thumbs up star if you can :) 

Earthquake has me shooooook. :( My stomach feels twisty. 

Hayden and Tank & EARTHQUAKE!! CRAZY!!!

UPDATE: OMG that was the first real quake I have felt in years! Usually we miss them or it's a minor jolt. This was a long rolling quake where everything shakes. Husband had time to run out of the bedroom and grab me in the dining room where I am writing.

"I do not like this," he said and then started coughing and I got him back to bed where he has his work day setup. So crazy!! Everything is fine here!! It was a 6.6 they are saying!

Original: __________________________________________

New story is going really well. I am not sure where It's going to head. I think the best part is being able to share it with my husband. He likes it so far. He says he can see me in both of the characters. He said he worries about some day being separated from me and our future kids because we will all be US citizens and he is still working on it. It takes years and years, but us being married makes it easier. 

I also like being able to make art to add to the stories. It adds a new layer to things. 

I used instagram pics for the characters but then I decided to cover their faces because I would be freaked out if I saw my pic on some stranger's story. The one I got for the mom character. She is apparently an actress so she's fine. Then the one I got for the dad character. He is featured on lots of accounts for hot Arab guys. The pic in the middle is the Mesa, Arizona LDS temple. 

SO click here to read and upvote if you want to check it out. :) 



We are supposed to go to a July 4th party down by the beach in Newport, but husband woke up not feeling so great. It always happens to him on a holiday because his body is pretty stressed from all the things he does so he finally has a full day of no business and his body says "Ok now is a good time to strike him down!" 

I feel bad for him. I made him some toast and happy tummy tea. 

Happy 4th! 

Hayden's Shelter coming soon

EDIT: Ok so I finished chapters 1 and 2. Time to make dinner for the husband. You can read them here: https://www.wattpad.com/story/192524019-hayden%27s-shelter


I am nearly finished with the first chapter of the new series. It will NOT be on nifty since it is a very innocent boy meets boy teen story with lots of drama and no sex... yet.

I will post it on Wattpad when it's ready. I feel like it's the next step in making some real lit instead of just interesting porn. I'm so excited for this! 

You can follow me on Wattpad if you want to see, but nothing is published yet. 

I made a cover for it:

I like the black and white of it with the burst of pride but hidden on the bottom of the shoe. It's definitely not going to be one of those stories where characters struggle much with their sexuality. I can't stand when books do that and then devote eight pages to characters discussing why we even have labels. Just shut up and love someone. 

But yes there will be a middle eastern guy, because that's what I write :) Well he's half Saudi. 

Here's the story description, but it's not published yet: 

Arizona

We are in Arizona! It is super hot and no one vacations in Arizona in the summer, but I have been talking about it for a few weeks now since reading Music of What Happens. I wanted to see where Max and Jordan lived since Bill Konigsberg describes it so vividly. We are staying on this little lake in a new hotel with lots of nice restaurants right around it. It is so pretty! I have been taking a ton of pictures of trees, streets, shopping centers. It's for a new series I want to work on and actually do the real work of character profiles, settings, real places, etc... 

We have a cruise coming up in a few weeks. His mom wanted to do it and so his dad booked us a room. My husband was NOT happy about it. They will have wifi so he can work in the room and his dad got us a room with a balcony. I am excited! Husband is not. It is a lot for him to take off a week of work. Even right now on our little vacation in the desert he is already up making calls and working on things. I ordered us breakfast. I wanted a waffle! I am getting a waffle! 

He wanted to tell his father that we couldn't do it, but he knows it would disappoint him. Plus his brother is bringing a friend (a Persian guy, not his girlfriend) so he will have to keep him in line (He is in big brother mode now that his family lives in the same country.). 

It's funny because with me he is the super gentle but strong disciplinarian. He knows I shrink at even a mildly disapproving look. With his brother though, he is much more forceful. I told him he should be kinder and that he hasn't lived around his brother since he came to the US six years ago and his brother might resent him. He told me his parents are too permissive with him since he is the baby and his parents are worn out from being too strong with him and his older brothers. 

He thinks his little brother is a spoiled kid who gets away with too much. I told my husband that his brother is always very polite and friendly with me. He could be weird or mean or just ignore me, but he is genuinely chill and hugs me. He also takes care of his mother and respects her.

"Of course he does! You are mine, most important of my life. He will not bring my wrath!" 

"Or maybe he likes me as a person?" I pointed out. I like to think people are nice to me for reasons other than me belonging to him. 

"Yes, of course. You are my sweet boy." He meant that, but again reminded me that I am his. Fine fine! haha. 

New story thoughts

I REALLY want to do a more mainstream-type book without the power dynamics I typically have in my series and definitely with less sex. I've been thinking about posting more on Wattpad and more visible locations. 

A while back some reader asked if he could post Emerson and the Lion on Wattpad and add graphics and stuff. I said sure, go for it. I knew it wasn't the type of story that would do well on there. 

A lot of gay lit is read by straight females, surprisingly more than one would expect. I get emails from female readers even though I would expect them to not be into my writing. They offer some very interesting thoughts on my stories. I heard from two different older straight married ladies with grown children who told me they really identified with Noah's Starship. Both of them related to the issues of dating a man from a traditional, male-dominated culture. It's really surprising. 

+++ 

This morning my husband had few free hours so he took me to the grocery store to stock up for the week. We did our normal thing where he leans over the cart and slow walks it while typing/talking on his phone. I guide the cart and he only moves to pull out his wallet at the check-out. When I pull on the cart he walks and when I push it, he stops. It's like an old time horse-pushed carriage. 

I was pushing down the frozen aisle and this muscled, older middle-eastern guy in workout clothes was standing in front of what I wanted. I waited quietly then he looked up from his phone and said "oh, sorry." I gave him a smile and nod and he moved. Husband did not look up. 

I get what we need and then I turn and the guy is right beside me. Husband does not notice. 

The guy said, "Excuse, I can find meatball?" 

My husband snapped his head up so fast! I laughed. He had this flash of a stance like "I will cut you!" 

Husband took one look at him and started talking in his language. The other guy smiles. Then my husband asks me to show him where the meatballs were. I pointed behind the guy where there was a whole freezer door full of them. They said a few more things to each other and we left. 

He puts all the groceries in the trunk then gets in and tells me "He is hunt for you! Right in front of me!" 

"I think he just wanted to buy some meatballs." I pointed out the easiest answer.

He would not buy it. I told him that maybe the guy was interested in him or maybe just lonely and wanting to talk to another middle eastern guy. Husband was not having it. haha. Luckily it led to a very nice morning after quickly putting away the groceries. 

Ahmed 7 is up

The new chapter of Ahmed's Cub is up. Two months later :) 

It has been a crazy two months though! We just got home from Palm Springs. Husband was working on a project and decided to get us a room for the week. It was so pretty and insanely hot but we had great air conditioning. 

I have been reading through the Read With Pride challenge for June. I have gotten through 8 books so far. It's awesome reading what everyone else is reading in the challenge month because there are lots of discussions going on about the books. Top book of the summer is still Music of What Happens. Has anyone read it? It's so beautiful and sad and twisted and... it makes me want to write something important. 

I want to challenge myself to do the hard work to write an actual book. Maybe just something on Wattpad, but with notes and an outline and character profiles and all those things I have been trained to do in my classes. 

I write for Nifty as stress relief, a palette cleanse from school writing. I don't do all the pre-work, I just write. It's important to just write, but it's also important to create a story arc and 3-d characters and a sense of place and all those other things that make good literature. 

Book Club!

It was 95 degrees in Orange County today! My husband came home to find me making dinner in a pair of briefs. We have the house to ourselves again since his mom went back to Houston. My dad has learned to not walk into the house without calling first unless my husband's family is in town and he knows we will be modest. My dad is very comfortable with our affection though we don't overdo it in front of him. His only comment has ever been "You two are very much in love. That is a good thing." 

Normally my husband controls the air conditioning from his app, but his app hasn't been communicating with the unit very well lately so I don't get the normal arctic chill telling me he will arrive home soon. He sets it at 78-79 before he leaves for work in the morning (my preferred temperature) and then adjusts it down to a chilly 69 when he comes home. 

His mom went home late last week. I miss her already. She is quickly adjusting to American life. The head covering is gone and she is wearing tops that show off her ample chest. She has her hair all pretty and lots of makeup. My husband HATES it. He says my father has lost control of her. He wants her back in the covered up modesty he is used to; the shapeless blob of mother he is comfortable with. 

I remind him that he came to this county to be himself, so maybe she did too. It was surprising at first, but then I realized something...

After all that dread and doom he predicted when deciding to come out to his parents, they were actually not that upset by it. They have welcomed and loved me like I was their own child. Maybe they are a lot more liberal than he gives them credit for. Maybe this sudden expression of vamp that has splashed across his mother is just another token that they are not the stoic pillars of islamic piety he built them into. 

His mom has boobs. His dad is cool with her wearing something that alerts others to this fact. My dad paid much more attention to her this time. It was cute. We found them laughing together in the kitchen. My husband growled that noise in his chest that he gets when some man is paying attention to me. 

++ 

We stopped into a bookstore so my guy could get a giant coffee last week and they had this HUGE pride section setup!! I was so excited. I never beg to spend money, but when I saw all the new releases in gay fiction, I had to have!! I got six books. He is always urging me to buy things and I rarely do so he got excited at how happy I was. I have devoured two of them. I'll start the third soon. I like how you can read a book and then go on social media and find thousands of posts and fan art and discussion. It's a giant, anonymous book club. 

He likes finding me reading silently in his big chair when he comes home. It means I am peaceful and not staring at a screen. 

We Contain Multitudes was super heavy! Violence and deep, angry sadness. I didn't grow up like that. I was never expected to "be a man" or toughen up. I was never really bullied. I was too quiet and our teachers were uber on the lookout for troubled kids. If anyone even hinted at bullying things ground to a halt and we had to get in the circle of justice and discuss things... California.... 

It cracks me up how people on instagram have to pose a book. Like "Oh look! I was sitting here at my vintage table made from old railroad ties while enjoying my book. I always cut fresh flowers before I read! It sets the mood. Oh and excuse the vintage keys in the picture, my bisexual neighbor Jernathun left them for me before he headed back to Silverlake!" 

This one is from Autoboyography. Tanner and Sebastian! Swoon! This book made me cry so hard. I was so Tanner and my husband was a muslim form of Sebastian. There were so many little parts to this book that made me go UGH! YES! Furrrk!

The thing about reading is how it changes my writing style. That might show up in the next chapter of Ahmed if I ever finish it!! I am over halfway through with it, but it's slow going, but it's going, but slowly, but going... going... 

Next book to read: