I had a crazy bit of trauma this week. I am ok and healthy, husband is fine, our families are fine, but just something that made me really sad and feeling numb for a few days.
I will be ok. Husband showed me just how much he really will do to take care of me and make me better. We are going to be moving soon, maybe in a month. He is close to choosing a house and working on a new plan for his business.
I didn't do much school work and I didn't do much writing, but now it is time to get back to things. I have projects and chapter 7 of Ahmed to work on. Thanks everyone for sticking around.
Chapter 7 of Ahmed is set a few years after Kasper's Den. So things will pick up and retrace a bit with what happened with Kyle. I never wrote his story. I started it and even wrote most of a chapter, but it didn't feel right and I wasn't into it.
It'll be interesting to see the Hamad family from the perspective of the alphas. It has always been seen through the boys. Emerson's, Lincoln's, and Kasper's points of view. Ahmed is on the Ali side though. He will learn things the boys don't know. He will make decisions with the power players and he will build a future for his cub.
Dylan too will be interesting. I don't plan for him to just be a go along cub. He very much idolizes Mr. Hamad and Emerson. But maybe he will awaken to some things. I'm not sure yet how that will go or what will happen.
I just sent in Chapter 6 of Ahmed's Cub. Hopefully it will post tomorrow. It is a bombshell of a chapter if you followed my other series.
We had a good weekend. We went for an Easter Brunch at a house in Manhattan Beach. His clients live there and their neighbor plays for a famous sports team (Not the Lakers). It was so nice. They had their backyard setup and it was catered.
We decided to go with matching outfits. We never do that, but he said they are the type that would like to see that. My husband had a pink button-up with blue shorts and I had a blue button-up with pink shorts. We both had white shoes on. So gay! We walked in holding hands and got some adoring comments. It was funny.
I will say that my husband knows how to work a crowd of older gay couples very very well. No one besides us was under 50. It was nice though. They had steak as an option since my husband doesn't eat ham (pig). I wanted the ham because it looked really good and my husband said it was ok, but I stuck with him in solidarity. Muslims don't do Easter for obvious reasons, but he was intrigued by the bunny and egg concept.
He kept asking "But why a rabbit? You don't eat rabbit meat on easter. It is very good." They did have deviled eggs, but they were sprinkled with bacon. 😆So no to those as well.
I'll start soon on chapter 7. I need to blog less and write more. :)
Hot Persian of the Day:
I sent in the latest chapter of Ahmed's Cub It was hard to write with my midterm projects and vacation, but I finally got some good solid writing time today and finished it. Hopefully it posts tomorrow. I left a hanger on the cliff so hopefully chapter six doesn't take too long. I never know. I start out with good intentions then life gets busy.
Husband is working on something big. He finally told me tonight. His company has agreed to let him move up to be a supervisor. Basically they want him to hire two people to do what he does and oversee them. That would let him take on more projects for them and make more money but also not have to drive around as much. He would be doing more of his research and proposal and closing stuff and have the people to go out and do what he needs.
That would be amazing. The last few months I have basically had my husband for dinner, sex, and sleep. I go to the gym by myself and occasionally he takes me out for walks or dinner when I don't feel like cooking. But mostly he comes home exhausted and just wants his dinner, his boy in his lap, and his boy in his bed. Sounds like fun but I miss our little times just watching stuff or playing games on his phone or even just hanging out with him while he plays his video game.
Vacation was a big awakening. We got out of the city and enjoyed the hotel and saw the zoo and bummed around San Diego. I got to have my playful guy back.
So yesterday we headed out of LA just before traffic got bad and headed down to San Diego.
We got a super nice hotel close to the water downtown. I love how it has a waterfront. LA does not. We have beachy areas but they are far off the freeway and feel like a separate city.
He has some business down here and in fact, is out meeting the guy for drinks to discuss stuff.
I can tell he is going through something big. He is reevaluating things and what we're doing. I think it finally hit him how stressful his job is. He is successful and makes good money and is building an awesome future for us, but I want my husband back. More than that I want him to be fun again and playful. He's still super loving and sweet, but he's gotten so serious. Life is taking it out on him.
The baby thing is still in the works. It's taking longer and things aren't as easy as we thought... well as I thought. He says of course it takes awhile and it could be a few more months until we get something viable that will work.
Ahmed's Cub chapter 5 is almost done. It's been hard to work on it when I had so many midterm projects, but I am hoping to finish it in a day or two. We will see... :)
Have you ever noticed how Middle Eastern and European straight guys can get away with wearing things we'd think were gay... :) My husband does this sometimes.
There's something so intimate about being in a car together at night driving along in LA traffic. It's dark out and we have the sunroof open and the only lights are coming from the control screen and the odd light pole. It feels like when we are in bed curled up and talking about nonsense.
I stay awake when he's driving at night. I have to entertain him. It's my one job; keep husband alert. I lean over the center console and put my head against him. He puts an arm around me and I ask him stupid questions that will make him tell one of his endless stories so he can relax while we get stuck in traffic.
We went to dinner with some clients of his who invited us out to their house up in the hills where Orange County meets the San Gabriel Valley. It was so cool seeing in three directions from their house up on a high hill. We left as the sun was going down and then there was a truck overturned and four lanes smashing into one and we sang Katy Perry and Ariana Grande and talked about how great carpool karaoke is and how nice the clients were and how a house on a hill might be nice.
It was all good until we got home and I realized I was all itchy.
"My butt itches!" I said before I realized my dad was there when we walked in. There are things you only say to your life partner.
Husband put down his keys and lifted the back of my t-shirt and looked down my shorts.
"Is all red! Do you forget to take the allergy pill?" I realized I'd forgotten. I get the prescription stuff because I have bad allergies, especially my skin and ESPECIALLY with the crazy spring bloom we are having after all the winter rains.
My dad chimes in "Why were you touching your butt?"
"I wasn't touching my butt!" I yelled at him. Then dad immediately looks at my husband and goes "Oh... OH! oh...."
Yeah... I had to keep him entertained on the long drive home. He just likes to rub it. I guess he had touched something. It could have just been the dust on the car or when he stopped to pump gas.
He sent me off for a shower and gave me Benadryl and now I'm in bed while husband works on stuff for the week. It makes me super sleepy but it also clears things up.
I'm realizing that my usual blog writing time is about 8pm Pacific. Usually he comes home from work and we have play time then dinner (or switched depending on the meal) then some quiet time and then he does some work and I check email and write a little.
I haven't been writing as much this week or last because of big projects. It is just that time in the semester when a lot of stuff is due and I am terrible about completely redoing a story or paper if it doesn't feel just right. Plus two of my professors are kind of hazy about the instructions and what they want! Why do they do this? It makes me work extra hard to do double the work and make sure I get my A. I ALWAYS get my A!
Husband has been working too hard again which is funny because I pointed that out to him when he told me I am stressing too much over my projects. Spring break is coming up in a week and he told me he wants me to not touch or even log in to the coursework over the break.
I told him he should do the same for his work but he said he doesn't get a spring break.
"Business just goes and goes. This is what the man does..."
He said this as we were driving back from dinner. It's cold and drizzly out and we were stopped at a long light that had just gone red.
This happy family was walking from their car up to their little run-down apartment. They looked lighter but middle eastern or maybe Armenian.
It was this dad who looked about my husband's age. He had his tie loosened and his sleeves rolled up. He was carrying a grocery bag and his wife, a plump but pretty lady, was coming up behind him.
Between the two of them were two little boys, one wearing a bike helmet but without a bike.
They stopped as the dad opened the gate to their little building. They laughed about something and then the dad held the gate open while the others went through. They looked tired, but happy. They looked like they had a long day but they were ending it all together. They were probably going upstairs to make some dinner and get ready for bed, do homework, watch tv.
"You will love me if we live in place like that?" my husband asked me. I hadn't realized that he was watching them too.
The car behind us honked and he noticed the light was green and drove on.
He turned into the garage for our apartments. It's all new construction with fresh murals decorating the walls of the garage. He pushed the button on the sunvisor and the gate opened so we could get back to our space.
"Of course I would. I grew up in a building like that. It was fine. We were happy. I married you, not a lifestyle," I told him.
"You deserve the best," he said as he backed the car into our spot (he LOVES to back into a parking space. Is that a guy thing? I always think it's a waste of time).
"I have the best. I want to keep the best and not lose him early because he worked himself to death." I don't usually talk to him like that. I cheer him on and make him feel like the big strong daddy, but I hate seeing how hard he pushes himself.
He looked at me like he hadn't realized I worry about him, like he was just some workhorse for me and not someone I love for more than what he can give me. He nodded and looked a little touched, creased his lips into a smile and took my hand in his and squeezed it then kissed the back of my hand. I hate that he feels so much pressure to build an empire. We just sat there having a quiet moment together.
It was one of those moments where I was like "Shuck! I gotta write this down! it's a total tearjerker commercial waiting-to-happen!" I imagined it with soft music playing and then ending with a tagline for some product like medication, the mormon church, cheese, or cologne.
When he comes home after a bad day he always takes me to our room; lights off, strip down, AC on super frigid. He spoons me and kisses my neck until he feels better. He never wants to talk about it. I give him 15 minutes of quiet then I start to interrogate.
Him: Is nothing. Just a long day. I am home with my boy and life is good.
Me: Did you lose a client?
Him: No, my dear.
M: Your bosses were mean to you?
H: No, sweet one.
M: The cafe forgot your extra pickles?
H: Never! (He loves pickles)
M: The butler did it?
H: There is no butler.
M: Were wizards involved?
H: Not that I know... you have some strange ideas of what I do at work!
I made him a good dinner and then made the tuna he likes for his lunch tomorrow. He's back to normal now and playing video games with his headset on so he can yell and laugh with his friends in Farsi. He said he just needed some time with me to recharge. I wish he would open up about stuff, but he thinks I wouldn't understand his complicated work and he doesn't want to worry me. I'm just happy he comes to me for comfort.
Ahmed
I was at the gym this morning and this HOT, muscled Korean guy came in. He did about ten minutes of weights then stood in front of the mirror wall playing with his hair and talking on his airpods to someone in Korean for about twenty minutes. His hair was perfection but wow! It was enough time to study him for my story.
