It's may!

 It's May!

Ok so the delivering packages job is going pretty well, and And AND they offered me a bigger job as an office assistant answering phones and helping people. The lady who was doing it quit and they like that I haven't snapped at anyone or physically injured anyone. 

I told the husband about it and of course he instantly said no. He said he doesn't even like me doing the job I have right now and he was pissed that the manager didn't run it by him before offering it to me. I kind of expected that. It's cool, he just needs some time to think about it and get used to it. He wants me to be at home full time, but he also knows how sad I get just being at home. So we will see what happens. 

This is the funny thing.... When I deliver packages, I usually use a wagon and the elevator, but I'm trying to get the small stuff by just using a bag and the stairs. It has REALLY helped my workouts! All the up and down has made my butt get extra bubbly. The husband has definitely noticed and it definitely helps in our love life. But it also makes him a little extra protective. 

This past weekend we went to the gym and he hasn't been in awhile because he's been working like crazy. He just looked so disappointed with not being able to do the weights he used to do and getting tired pretty quickly. He was ready to go after thirty minutes and he just hung out by the stair climber where I was working out. He just hung out until I finished, but he kept "noticing guys looking at me." It does feel good to have his attention like that, but I don't like him feeling insecure about me.

So things are going ok! I will write again. I really will! I just need some inspiration with how to finish the Dylan series and it'll come back! I hope! 😍

Proud of me! :)

 Small victories, but huge for me! 

1. I got my husband to go for a checkup physical. Once I get him in the door, he usually agrees to do all the tests they want like bloodwork, urine, all that stuff. 

He hates going to the doctor which is funny because if I even sneeze, he wants to take me to urgent care. He doesn't take care of himself. He admits that that's my job. He's going to be 34 this year, and it's been a really stressful year for him. It turned out pretty good. He has some things to work on, but he is healthy. 

2. I got a job! It's just a few hours a day, but I'll be helping out in office tasks at the complex where we live and delivering packages in a wagon. There's over 500 units in this building and 10 different elevators so delivery people get super lost and there's a huge problem with people getting the wrong deliveries. They'll still make the delivery people take the big/heavy stuff, but this place gets a crazy amount of little packages. I'll get buff too...maybe. I'm usually out walking around the complex anyways. 

I just pull a wagon around, drop a package, ring a doorbell, and walk off. No face to face contact. I'm excited! 

I promised A that the level of clean apartment and cooked meals and sexual happiness will not drop. He's friends with the head manager so he knows I'll be looked after. But it's something to put on my resume which is super cool. I feel like things are starting to move in a brighter direction. He said if his parents found out I was delivering packages, they'd freak out and send us money, but I'm proud of me. 

February!

 I don't know if anyone reads blogs anymore, just wanted to get some thoughts down. 

I haven't written much at all, and it really doesn't help that there's a fantastic new storyline brewing my head, because i'm not allowing myself to start a new series until I wrap up at least one of the open ones I have on wattpad. 

If you don't know about my wattpad series, click here to read them. 

I don't know why... we've been in covid mode for two years now, but these last three months have really hit me. I think it's partially that my husband (the alpha persian) canceled my spring courses because he was worried they would make me go back on campus before covid is somewhat calmed down. 

We argued about it, and then like two weeks later the Cal State Univ. system announced they were opening campuses again so he was correct. He refuses to let me go on a public campus everyday like that and two of the classes I need were only being offered online until things opened.  

So then I decided I need a job. He always offers for me to work for him, but doing his receipts and expense reports and things is not really something I want to do with my life. 

The plan was that we'd have children by now, but the surrogacy thing didn't work out the time we tried it... and it really sucked... and neither of us want to start that again right now. 

The cafe place we like to walk to for dinner sometimes has openings, but just when he said he would think about it, there were two tourists robbed and shot just down the street. He saw that on the news and immediately said the cafe would not be ok for me. He said I have enough work taking care of him and our home. 

I know this is all temporary. I know I will go back and finish my classes and degree (I just need like four classes more!). I know life will go back to normal, and he'll run out of excuses why I shouldn't be employed. I'm just feeling trapped and kind of worthless. My purpose in life cannot be cleaning up after my husband. 

Anyways, I need to stop complaining. It never helps. It's sunny and 70 degrees outside and we're going to walk to a food truck thing later with two of his friends.

I'm obsessed with this Ukraine thing. I grew up in a part of the san fernando valley where we have lots of ukrainians, persians, russians, etc... We had a Ukrainian family a few apartments down from us when I was little and the older mother was always so nice to me since I didn't have a mom. She would watch me sometimes when my dad needed help. She had two older kids and the four of them lived in a one bedroom apartment, but it was very neatly kept. I hope they're doing ok.